My mother thinks its worse to have a Fat daughter than one

[La Lioness Priyanka]

who doesnt know the difference between iran and iraq!

feel free to discuss :P

[sniffa]

1. my mother is persecuted

by secuLarists who are forcing her to say "happy hoLidays" rather than "merry christmas". :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

3. lol! sniffa's mom can always call up my mom for sympathy

[Bertha Venation]

16. She IS?

Holy crap. Poor mom.

:hi: sniffa

[Elise]

2. My sincerest condolences on

your mother's priorities or lack thereof.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

4. its almost funny isnt it?

[Elise]

6. almost

but, not really

BTW, your mother isn't Alan Jackson, is she? He has that insipid song with lyrics like "I don't know the difference between Iran and Iraq" followed by basically WTF, my country: right or wrong.

:puke: :puke: :puke:

[sniffa]

10. so

where's the daughter pics? :P

[La Lioness Priyanka]

11. too big to fit on this page

:P

[greymattermom]

5. fat

Yep, my mom is the same. 83 years old and never bigger than a size 8 and brags about it way too much. She starved herself while pregnant, and all her kids are chubby. We all think she's bulemic, so there....

[La Lioness Priyanka]

7. keep in mind i have never been bigger than a size 6

so its funnier!

[demnan]

8. Well, assuming she wants a good life for her daughter

Is a woman's life better if she's beautiful, or if she's smart? It used to be that the only way a woman could get ahead in life was to be beautiful and snag a well-off husband. But now days even though that may happen, Miss Beautiful may find herself out on her keister when she becomes old and fat and Mr. Moneybags discards her.

Whereas I support myself. I can tell you which my mother prefers.

[sui generis]

9. my Mom's pretty cool

she got out of her car in traffic and shouted down a Fred Phelps gathering. Then she opened the back door of her car, started pulling her prized stuffed animals out of the back window and proceeded to wind up and pitch them at them. This is the daughter of a former ambassador - !

She asked for more stuffed animals this Christmas.

[jobycom]

12. Well, I'll get burned for this one

I have an eleven year old daughter, and I worry more about her eating habits than her failing grades. She's smart, but lazy and easily distracted. I think she'll grow out of that. I do encourage her, and scold her, about her grades and her lack of effort, and I try to find ways to encourage her thinking skills-- buying her thought-based games, for instance, or talking to her about the plots and lessons of the movies and tv shows she watches too many of.

But her eating habits scare me. I had a friend whose son almost died of cancer at eight. I have another adult friend who is dying on cancer that continually goes into remission and comes back, and he blames his eating habits as a child. I had bad eating habits as a child, and those eating habits left me sick and weak most of my childhood. I missed over forty days of school my tenth grade year. I wasn't fat, and my daughter isn't fat, but as an adult I start to blow up when I'm not careful, because the eating habits I learned as a kid take over again. I worry that if I don't correct my daughter's eating habits now, they will be with her the rest of her life. They are a sure mix for diabetes, cancer, obesity, heart disease, etc.

So I worry a lot about what my kid eats, and less about whether she knows where Iran and Iraq are, because I trust her heart and her intelligence, but I know her eating habits are setting her up for a life of misery-- not because of any social problems associated with her weight, but because of the health problems she will develop. And I know that her life is endangered by her eating habits. To a parent, fear of her suffering and dying for something she can prevent is worse than fear of her not understanding world geography. She knows war is wrong, she doesn't have to understand where the country we are bombing is to oppose the bombing.

I know weight is determined by a lot of factors, and eating habits aren't the only one, but I also know that she's not predisposed to be overweight, from her family genetics. Only from her eating habits. So my response is probably not connected entirely to your post, but it's something that worries me a lot, so I wrote about it.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

13. actually your post makes sense

questions is if your 26 year old daughter gained weight from being a size 2-4 to becoming a size 4-6...would you care?

[jobycom]

18. Well

LOL No! I would pester her if she still tried to live off pizza, bread and chocolate exclusively, but that would be regardless of her dress size. Although if she suddenly gained a lot of weight, I'd worry. I'm a male, so I wouldn't even notice if she went from 2-4 to 4-6, though. It would have to be more dramatic than that.

[okieinpain]

25. you worry either way, my daughter has gone from a 6 to a 4

me and the misses are bugging the shit out of her asking why.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

32. but why?

[smirkymonkey]

56. I know what you mean...

I went from a size 6 to a size 8 since the last time I have seen my parents (depressed since the election, eating way too much sugar to self medicate) and you would think that I was morbidly obese judging by my parents reaction at Christmas.

I couldn't put anything in my mouth - god forbid, something sweet like a cookie - without my parents clucking about how "you don't need that" and "you really need to take off that weight", etc. I am not happy with the fact that I went up a size and I plan on taking it off after the New Year through exercise, healthy eating and NO sugar (I am very reactive) but the last thing I needed was to have my parents on my ass about something that I am already very sensitive about.

BTW, I was anorexic as a teenager (which I believe was spurred on by their constant criticism of my weight - a hefty 115 at 5'5). I ended up starving myself down to 82 pounds, until I was saved by massive alcohol consumption and pot induced munchies upon entering college.

What the fuck is with this type of parent anyway? Why do they always have to be so critical. It's like they only care about appearances and somehow OUR appearance reflects on them. I think they are just projecting their own self hatred on to us. Pretty f*ing selfish if you ask me.

[chiburb]

44. What a nice, thoughtful post!

Just another reason to take to heart "don't judge"...

Thank you!

[Bertha Venation]

14. Sometimes I feel very, very lucky that my mom died young.

Sounds callous, but then, I read things like this, LP, and I think: my god.

How can anyone survive her mother?! :scared:

[La Lioness Priyanka]

15. i laugh at her stupidity...

if its not one thing its your mother

[Bertha Venation]

17. LOL

Good one.

Sometimes I shake my head at my mother-in-law. She's also got somewhat odd priorities sometimes, but I love her. Mrs. V. loves her, even though she had to survive her mother. :shakinghead:

[Dorian Gray]

24. Mothers and Mothers-in-law

can certainly drive you crazy. My mom worries more about my looks than anything else, but I've done well with "everything else," so she has no cause to worry. She picks on me for my weight, for my clothing, if I'm not wearing any makeup. I've learned to tune her out, and it helps our relationship. (And I"m 33 years old, so it's not like I'm a teenager who needs sculpting into being a good human being!)

Both my mother and my MIL have strange priorities. My mom is all about the looks. My MIL has a really strange sense of propriety. Really strange. (At least compared to my family!) She really dotes on my husband, to the point where it's unnatural. But she treats her own daughter like crap, which leads to some really weird family gatherings.

Anyhow, enough venting. Moms are just crazy! You gotta love them, but you also gotta know when to not worry about what they think!

[Kathy in Cambridge]

19. I have an aunt like that. She ended up with an anorexic daughter.

My mother gives me crap when I gain weight, but it's concern for my health and not my looks. My aunt is one of those who has a weird relationship with food herself.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

20. this is purely aesthetic her concern

[Patiod]

21. David Sedaris' father was like that, and he mocks it in his books

He tells the story about how one time his sister Amy came home dressed in a fat suit just to push his buttons.

Some people's priorities are just screwed up.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

22. Looks like passive-agressiveness to me.

If you were very thin but were bad in Geography, she'd speak the other way around. I've read enough of your mother's antics that you posted to be reasonably safe in my assumption.

Your mantra: "I DON'T NEED MY MOTHER'S APPROVAL TO BE HAPPY". Repeat this over and over. Out loud if necessary.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

23. i think she has stopped upsetting me...but she is still

kinda amusing!

[amazona]

26. most mothers felt that way in my generation

It's just the way it is. We live in a visual society. You can have a beautiful brain but studies show that slim, beautiful women still get paid more than fat ones. And all women get paid less than men. So what else is new? I don't see it changing any time soon. If anything, the standards for beauty are becoming even more ridiculous and unattainable.

[Moloch]

27. Your mother is wise.

Fat can be fixed, but stupidity is forever.

[redqueen]

28. Ugh!

I don't know what else to say, really... just... UGH!

And... a size 6?! I'm a size 8, and I sure don't feel fat. Do you manage to not laugh in her face somehow?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

29. nope i laughed...as did my brother

[redqueen]

30. Good!

Glad to hear this nonsense was met with an appropriate response. :)

[billyskank]

31. Hey, I don't know what you're talking about

I've seen your DU gallery picture. So unless you have a third sister who's fat, in addition to the one who can't tell Iraq and Iran apart, I don't understand the problem.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

33. lol! she was talking about how she envied the mother

of these 2 girls who are very skinny... so i reminded her that these 2 girls couldnt tell iran and iraq apart (the girls are in their late 20's)....she said it didnt matter...look how well they dressed and how much time they spent in the gym...

[billyskank]

34. Ah, that's a classic case

of prioritus erroneous.

[gollygee]

35. My mom is hung up on my looks too

I'm not as skinny as I was before having a baby. She's kept her mouth shut about that so far.

But she complains that I don't wear makeup or jewelry. I just can't get into it.

I don't know why moms are so worried about how we look.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

36. she was very upset that i did not wear make up either

i normally wear a fair amoutn of make up but honestly why should i have to wear make up to go to long island?

[undergroundpanther]

37. Fat is the new satan

for some people.
I'll tell you this,food has lost it's nutritional value.
The veggies you eat come from depleated soil.Processed foods take nutruient leached food and make it worse..When you eat the food pyramid way which is expensive as shit,you STILL do not get the nutrients required to be heralthy.Now also factor in mercury in fish,Pcbs,Various industrial toxins, pesticides and whatnot everywhere putting a load on us and mutating our dna...Shit we have crap allowed in our food,medicine,products, air water and soil in America that is not allowed to be sold in europe ect because thier governments found it to be harmful to public health.Yet in Murca it's OK to poision millions of people slowly and charge them out the wazoo to patch symptoms and LIUE about it to make money Sociopathy is the American way!!!.Also add this fat making factor, think of the outrageous levels of stress and emotional pain in America,(1 in 4 people have a disagnosible mental illness(not including addictions)In america More People are working more hours for less than any other "free" country.Too many people are terrorized of becoming poor all the time so companies can get cheap labor. We have no sane system for healthcare.Cortisol a stress hormone causes weight gain. This "fat" issue isn't JUST a few people's "moral failings" and scapegoating fat people like medevil inquisitor about gluttonny isjust total verbally abusive skinny body elitist bullshit,If Americans would FORCE corporations to Clean up the fuckking environment do something to replenish OUR topsoil,and make the godamn corporations pay workers decent wages,allow them REST,time off, and get nationalized healthcare like Those civilized countries have,We might reduce enough stress by making the rich pay something back to the people who made thier wealth happen, and teach people how to reduce stressand give them TIME and enough MONEY to eat decently,in a living sane environment than weight will go down.This is the other side of fat epidemic Nobody mentions really.

[Zing Zing Zingbah]

38. My mother couldn't care less what size I am, what I wear,

or if I wear makeup. She never has. I think she might be concerned if I looked very overweight. She pretty much minds her own business because she knows I know how to take care of myself.

I hate wearing makeup, btw. I never wear it. It makes my skin feel gross and eye makeup irritates my eyes.

I think it is interesting that your mom could even tell you went up from a size 4 to a size 6. Most people would not be able to notice such a slight weight gain. Also, most people would consider going up from a size 6 from a 4 a healthly weight gain. I guess it depends on how tall you are, but a size 4 is very small for a lot of women.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

39. i am short so any weight gain is noticeable..i went really from a 4 to a 5

i dont know that too many people can tell...i can...my mom obviously can!

[Nikia]

40. My mother wanted a beautiful, smart, and outgoing daughter

She criticized me all the time for not being beautiful or outgoing enough. By college, I was finally beautiful enough and outgoing enough. After college, I put on a little weight and then she complained about me being fat. I know what you are talking about.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

41. this obsession with beauty is rather new with her

after i came out...shes odd!

[Der Blaue Engel]

58. Aha...so it's more a fear of signs of "butchness" I'm betting

In college I gained a bit of weight and quit shaving my legs, and I got cornered by my sisters to find out whether I was a lesbian. At the time, I was not even out to myself as bi, and was living with my boyfriend, so I thought it was quite bizarre.

Now that I'm out, I'm a total femme. LOL!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

61. i am a total femme....make up , high heels, the works!

i guess shes afraid of butchness but its all in her head.

[MissBrooks]

42. So, your mother tells you that you are fat?

I think that's where I would start the discussion with my mom.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

43. we have discussed this endlessly...

[MissBrooks]

54. We, as in your and your mom or we, as in the board.

I have a friend whose mom is like that with her. I really feel sorry for you. A mother's love should have no strings.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

62. we as in my mom and i. and du and i...

[Skittles]

45. lioness, I have added Mama Lioness to my kick-ass list

it will be a while before I get to her though. :o

[La Lioness Priyanka]

47. lol...thanks skittles,,,,

[RetroLounge]

46. My 6'2" 250 pound little brother dropped 50 pounds this year

got in great shape from jogging, eating right, exercising, and quitting smoking, and at age 40 ran his first Marathon.

So at Xmas our mom says to him "you're too skinny." :eyes:

What can you do?

RL

[La Lioness Priyanka]

48. bitch on du?????

[ikojo]

49. I believe most Americans feel this way as well

Lionesspriyanka. Being fat in this country is seen as a moral failure to control oneself. Forget that real wages have gone down while prices continue to climb.

Ask your mom what she feels about having a fat son? I suspect she, as most Americans, would be far more tolerant of a "husky" boy than a big girl.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

63. my mom isnt even really american...and i am not fat...

curvier than i would like maybe but not fat..

[davsand]

50. My Mom always preached "DEVELOP your mind..."

Maybe it was because I was born with a birth defect that precludes my EVER being in a beauty pageant, but my Mom always talked to me about knowledge and developing myself--not about hair tips and fashion updates.

When it came to clothing she basically talked to me about buying clothing that FITS right and will wear well.

I don't do the makeup thing--and neither does she except or some lipstick when she leaves the house. She did say buy good perfume and don't overdo it, so I guess she did give me some cosmetic tips after all.

Her hair advice was get a good cut in your hair, keep it clean always, and don't spend a lot of time working on any style that is not gonna look good after five minutes.

She did advocate for spending the money on good bras--that is a must for any woman who is large busted.

Beyond that, she still preaches that weight reduction is a huge help in controlling high blood pressure and type 2 Diabetes--which run in our family. That really is about the only time she has EVER talked to me about weight.

I dunno--maybe my Mom was liberated before her time or maybe she was just practical. either way--I turned out a practical women too.

As for your Mom being hurtful with her opinions, I guess maybe the only question I have to you is, Do YOU feel good about how you look and feel? If you are at peace and feeling OK--then just ignore Mom or else tell her that you really would rather talk about some other subject...

Laura

[shesemsmom]

51. I am so sorry

what else can I say. I'm afraid if it were my Mom we would have WORDS!!!

[sarcasmo]

52. My mother is a self-absorbed nut case who has no clue

Lucky for me I moved to the other side of the state. I only deal with my mother once every six months and it has made my life all the better and much more stress free.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

65. my doctor asked me to move a coast away from her...and i will

[YellowRubberDuckie]

53. My mom stopped that several years ago...

She's always been barely over a hundred pounds. I found a guide from the doctor a from when I was 11 and starting to get fat. It talked about raising an overweight child. I asked her about it, and she turned it around and told me I shouldn't have been snooping. She said it was embarrassing for a while, but she lighted up and got used to it after a while. I am fat. I refuse to hide that or be ashamed. I have hypothyroidism. My metabolism is nonexistant. Even with medicine. It's gotten better recently.
Priyanka, you are no where near fat. I think you're gorgeous.
Duckie

[La Lioness Priyanka]

66. thanks duckie!

[bloodyjack]

55. Indian moms are insane

Mine was born a headless chicken in a very brief past life

[La Lioness Priyanka]

64. ha ha ha!!! i agree!

[roguevalley]

57. my mother is wonderful. sorry, can't relate.

:+

[WindRavenX]

59. Ugh, that's so annoying

My mom is pretty cool with how I look(I'm a booty-luscious size 12). But she's said somethings in the past that made me...wonder why she mentioned it.

[politicat]

60. since I'm thinner than my mom, that's not the conflict point...

But she doesn't understand why we spend $3000 (each) on high end laptops when we could get a Lindows computer at Walmart for a tenth that (and the subtext of that was "you coulda sent me the other money...") or why we don't join the Masons/Eastern Star and socialize with many different types of people from all Republican walks of life, or go to a church for the social aspect...

Mom's a social butterfly. I am not. Think Mars and Venus, but with women in both roles. I'm Mars. I hide in my cave when I'm hurting and I am introverted. The games I play are intellectual; an evening of Pictionary or Uno is hell to me, but given a good scenario, I'll play DnD for weeks on end. Mr. Pcat is also very quiet, shy and reserved. How we ever ended up married is beyond me.

We have entirely different world views and priorities and goals and while weight isn't an issue (I've got a BMI under 25 and good flexibility and cardiovascular, so I'm not going to worry waht the pounds are) money usually is (and the fact that I have some and she doesn't through poor decision making on her part and wretched fiscal management skills in her home life...)

Fortunately, I have two sisters who are more than willing to put up with her, so I can just let her be.

[Beer Snob-50]

67. A women who doesn't know geography will still get men

while fat girls usually don't!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

68. i guess that maybe true

still i know geography and people like to date me...so i stand with my "my mom is crazy" argument

[Beer Snob-50]

69. but you are not fat

(you are a size 6 i think you said)so knowing geography is just an added bonanza. Nothing like reciting state capitals as a form of foreplay!!!

[WoodrowFan]

73. mm, state capitals

hey babe, wanna sit on my Annapolis and Montpilier? oh yes babey, that's the Bismark.. oh yes, Talahassee, mm, Baton Rouge. Boise!! oh oh oh, Dover baby, Dover!!


naw, don't see it. :P

[Beer Snob-50]

75. you have no imagination.

guess a wrong state capital and lose an article of clothing>>>LOL!!

[Beer Snob-50]

72. oh and btw

i am not passing judgement on heavy women. I have dated and even married a BBW.

[WoodrowFan]

70. DETAILS!! (NT)

[La Lioness Priyanka]

71. what details do you want?

[WoodrowFan]

74. context?

just the juicy context!!

[La Lioness Priyanka]

76. she was talking about how she envied the mother of these 2 girls

who are very skinny... so i reminded her that these 2 girls couldnt tell iran and iraq apart (the girls are in their late 20's)....she said it didnt matter...look how well they dressed and how much time they spent in the gym...

[WoodrowFan]

77. oookkaaay

Okay! Ahem. That's pretty much a parody of itself...


Somehow I can see my MIL saying something like that..

[La Lioness Priyanka]

78. i know...this was more of a mock my mother thread

than sympathize with me thread

:evilgrin:

[WoodrowFan]

79. darn

I had a (friendly non-threatening) hug ready too.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

80. i can always do with hugs...

:hug: