"Cover me. I'm changing lanes." & hundreds of other bumper stickers

[BikeWriter]

1*Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

2*A journey of a thousand miles begins with a trip to the ATM.

3*Procrastinators unite!...Tomorrow

4*I don't suffer from insanity, I love every minute of it!

5*If ignorance is bliss, why aren't a lot more people happy?

6*99.5% of lawyers give the rest of them a bad name.

7*Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

8*I brake for... wait... AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!!

9*Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

10*If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

11*I have a photographic memory. I'm just out of film!

12*So many men, so few who can afford me!

13*Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your A**?

14*If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

15*Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an a****le.

16*100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?

17*Your gene pool needs a little chlorine

18*You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

19*DON"T PISS ME OFF! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

20*JESUS SAVES, GRETZKY SCORES!!!!

21*Jesus is coming! Look Busy!

22*I've Found Jesus - He Was Behind The Couch The Whole Time!

23*Thank God I'm An Atheist

24*You're depriving some poor village of it's idiot.

25*Save your breath... you'll need it to blow up your date!

26*Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

27*My hockey mom can beat up your soccer mom.

28*GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN!

29*Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.

30*I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

31*WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.

32*BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

33*I need someone really bad... Are you really bad?

34*Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

35*The more you complain the longer God makes you live.

36*IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got

37*Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

38*Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

39*Out of my mind... Back in five miinutes.

40*Hang up and drive!

41*SMILE, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.

42*I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

43*Where there's a will... I want to be in it.

44*It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

45*Don't drink and drive... you might hit a bump and spill your drink.

46*We are born naked, wet and hungry... and then things get worse.

47*Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

48*Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

49*Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

50*Be nice to your kids... they will pick out your nursing home.

51*Honk if you want to see my finger.

52*Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive, anyway.

53*Always remember you are unique--just like everyone else.

54*It's as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you!

55*I Don't Brake!

56*Boldly going Nowhere.

57*Work is for people who don't know how to fish.

58*Don't follow me. I'm Lost!

59*Never judge a book by it's movie.

60*According to my calculations, the problem doesn't exsist.

61*Indecision may or may not be my problem.

62*No one pays attention until you mess up.

63*Coffee, Chocolate, Men... Some things are just better richer.

64*Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen!

65*WARNING: I have an attitude and I know how to use it!

66*Of course I don't look busy.... I did it right the first time.

67*DO NOT START WITH ME. YOU WILL NOT WIN.

68*Mood swing in 60 seconds.

69*All stressed out and no one to choke!

70*How can I miss you if you won't go away?

71*If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

72*Go for younger men, they never mature anyway.

73*Women don't make fools of men, most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

74*If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

75*Sadly, all men are created equal.

76*Veni, Vedi, Visa: I came, I saw, I shopped.

77*Never knock on Death's door. Ring the bell and run, he hates that.

78*I doubt, therefore I might be.

79*Watch out for the idiot behind me.

80*Not all who wander are lost.

81*Squirrels Are Natures Little Speed Bumps.

82*My ex wife's car is a broom.

83*Call 911, I'm being followed!

84*I'll stick to the bumper, you stick to your driving.

85*Stop pointing and moving your lips!

86*Do not wash, vehicle undergoing scientific dirt analysis

87*I don't have a license to kill. But I have a learner's permit.

88*FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION. It comes bundled with the software.

89*STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

90*I have my own little world. But it's OK...they know me here.

91*I am a nobody, and nobody is perfect; therefore I am perfect.

92*Earl's in the trunk!!

93*Its not that I'm antisocial, I just dont like you.

94*Follow me....to Dairy Queen

95*I Just Do What the Voices in My Head Tell Me Too.

96*I suffer from a sexually transmitted disease...CHILDREN!

97*As A Matter of Fact, I DO Own the Road!

98*If You Can Read This I've Lost My Caravan

99*I may be slow but I'm ahead of you!

100*Stop following ME!

[BikeWriter]

1. More...

101*Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

102*Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

103*Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

104*Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

105*How a two pound box of candy can make you gain five pounds?

106*If its tourist season...then why can't we shoot them?

107*If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

108*I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

109*There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

110*Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.

111*Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

112*Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.

113*Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.

114*Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

115*Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.

116*If at first you don't succeed, see if the loser gets anything.

117*I don't mind the rat race, but I could do with a little more cheese.

118*Age is important only if you're cheese.

119*Freedom of the press means no-iron clothes.

120*STRESSED is DESSERTS spelled backwards!

121*Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

122*Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

123*Honk if you love peace and quiet.

124*Pardon my driving, I'm reloading.

125*Despite the high cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

126*Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

127*If you love something set it free, if it doesn't come back hunt it down and shoot it!

128*My son was prisoner of the month at Florida State Penitentiary.

129*Honk if you are Jesus.

130*What Would Scooby Doo?

131*I used up all my sick days so I called in dead!

132*I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck!

133*Very funny, Scotty, now beam down my clothes.

134*Do not meddle in the affairs of DRAGONS...
For you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

135*Hey! Who put a stop payment on my reality check?

136*This IS my other car!

137*My other car is a piece of crap too!

138*I am who you think I am.

139*If you pass, you'll no longer be able to read me.

140*Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

141*I want to die in my sleep like grandpa....
Not screaming & yellling like the passengers in his car.

142*I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with subatomic particles.

143*Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

144*Its all fun and games until someone loses an eye.
Then its a game, find the eye.

145*Who are all you people and why are you in my head?

146*Gone Crazy.....Back Soon.

147*667 Neighbour of the Beast.

148*A clean house is a sign of a wasted life.

149*Good housekeeping is an exact science. I'm into Art!

150*When life gives you lemons, ask for a bottle of tequila and some salt.

151*I always take life with a grain of salt. Plus a slice of lime & a shot of tequila.

152*Buckle up! It makes it harder for the aliens to suck you out of your car.

153*Chaotic Neutral.

154*God give me the strength to deal with all the idiots that cross my path.

155*Confuse everyone.

156*I'm marching to a different accordian.

157*I WANT IT ALL & I want it covered in CHOCOLATE!

158*Too many idiots, not enough villages.

159*You're not famous until they put your head on a PEZ dispenser.

160*Normal people frighten me.

161*I like poetry, long walks on the beach and poking dead things with a stick.

162*Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.

163*If the world's a stage, I'll be needing more wardrobe.

164*Lord help me to be the person my dog thinks I am.

165*Pagen Chocolate Goddess. May the fudge be with you.

166*You drive like an a****le and so do I.

167*CAUTION! Driver just doesn't give a s**t anymore.

168*Honk If parts fall off!

169*Your child may be an Honor Student but you drive like an Idiot.

170*Your parking reflects your breeding.

171*I bet JESUS would have used HIS turn signals.

172*This is not an abandoned vehicle.

173*My other car is a bicycle.

174*If you're going to ride my A** at least buy me dinner first!

175*Why am I the only one on the planet that knows how to drive?

176*Bothering you shouldn't feel this good, but it does.

177*Not the brightest crayon in the box now are we?

178*It's called thinking. You should try it sometime.

179*Back to your bridge you evil troll! You have no powers here.

180*GET REAL! If I'm lying wouldn't my pants be on fire?

181*Go fascinate someone else!

182*I'm happy. Don't ruin it!

183*It's just amazing! You're completely wrong again!

184*I'm sorry. My fault. I forgot you were an idiot.

185*Does Your little mind ever get lonely in your big head?

186*I see you're playing stupid again... looks like you're winning too.

187*Stick around, I may need someone to blame.

188*Stupidity:doing the same thing over & over & expecting a different result.

189*If I throw a stick will you leave?

190*You're entitled to your wrong opinion.

191*Who are these children and why are they calling me mom?

192*My family is a freak show without the tent!

193*My mother doesn't just enjoy guilt trips, she runs the travel agency!

194*Driver carries no cash, he is married.

195*My kids think I'm an ATM.

196*It's better to have loved & lost than to live with The Psycho the rest of your life.

197*The decision is MAYBE and that's final!!

198*Oh S**T! I turned into my mother!

199*Oh S**T! My teenagers are just as wild as I was.

200*Question authority, BUT NOT YOUR MOTHER!

[BikeWriter]

2. And still more...

201*Tell your kids it's rude to point at me!

202*WARNING Unattended children will be sold as slaves.

203*I LOVE my rotten, ungrateful children.

204*Being out of your mind is a prerequisite for working here.

205*Therapy has taught me that it's all your fault!

206*Almost normal.

207*Beyond help.

208*DARE to think for yourself!

209*Don't get even - GET ODD.

210*Don't believe everything you think!

211*Don't tell me to Relax. Stress is the glue that holds me together.

212*We're all Dysfunctional. Get over it!

213*I did not escape. They gave me a day pass.

214*Of all the things I've lost I miss my mind the most.

215*I Think, therefore I'm dangerous.

216*I used to care but now I take a pill for that.

217*No matter where you go- There you are.

218*Of course I'm out of mind! It's dark and scary in there.

219*I'm going Nuckin' Futs.

220*Panic now and avoid the rush.

221*Are we over the rainbow yet?

222*I'm Not Opinionated, I'm Just Always RIGHT!

223*Cute but psycho, things even out.

224*Forgetfulness is a sign of Genius.

225*I'm OK! I took my prozac today.

226*Why be normal?

227*It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.

228*The first forty years of parenthood are always the hardest.

229*I Have Animal Magnetism. When I Go Outside Squirrels Stick To My Clothes.

230*Make It Idiot Proof and Someone Will Make a Better Idiot.

231*Even If You Are On The Right Track, You'll Get Run Over If You Just Sit There.

232*People are more violently opposed to fur than leather, Because its easier to harass rich women
than motorcycle gangs.

233*Would somebody please poke holes in the top of my jar?

234*You nonconformists are all alike.

235*Question Reality.

236*Stay in the moment - D*mn it's gone.

237*I wanted to have money. Not earn it.

238*Money talks. Mine always says goodbye.

239*Beat Rush Hour. Leave work at noon.

240*Never put off until tomorrow what you can get someone else to do today.

241*Not a morning person doesn’t even begin to cover it.

242*I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

243*A leading cause of stress is reality!

244*I'm Having An Out-Of-Money Experience.

245*At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

246*Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.

247*A day without sunshine is like..... night!

248*Practice safe eating -- always use condiments.

249*I plan on living forever. So far, so good.

250*Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

251*Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

252*If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!

253*God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

254*It's frustrating when you know all the answers,
but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

255*Don't Get Too Close I'm Not That Kind of Car.

256*My Karma Ate My Dogma.

257*I'm not as think as you drunk I am.

258*Look MA!, No Hands!

259*I brake for tailgators!

260*I see Dumb people.

261*Be ALERT - We need alot more LERTS

262*Forget about World Peace. Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

263*There are 3 kinds of people. Those who can count and those who can't..

264*If all else fails, read the directions.

265*If all else fails stop using all else.

266*Never test the depth of water with both feet.

267*Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

268*Don't sweat the petty things, and don't pet the sweaty things.

269*Remember: Pillage, then Burn.

270*It's never too late to have a happy childhood.

271*Either shut up or render me unconscious.

272*Welcome to Reality, visit again soon!

273*My child sold your honor student the answers to the test.

274*If you don't like my attitude stop looking at my Stickers.

275*People like you are the reason people like me need medication.

276*I so appreciate your point of view I almost regret dismissing it.

277*Don't give me that smart alec attitude. I already have one.

278*They have an opening for you in the witness protection program.

279*I'm out of bed and made it to the keyboard, what more do you want?

280*You are reinforcing my inherent mistrust of strangers.

281*Don't make me go midieval on you!

282*Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.

283*If you have something to say, raise your hand and place it over your mouth.

284*My mood ring says Back Off!

285*Maybe you should go to ebay and buy a clue.

286*I don't know what your problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce.

287*Don't you have to go feed your flying monkeys?

288*Shhh.... That's the sound of nobody caring what you think.

289*The looney bin called they have something for you.

290*I'm not good at empathy will you settle for sarcasm?

291*How may I ignore you today?

292*I've upped my standards, now up yours.

293*Oh look, just 2,852,677 more days 'til I start caring what you think.

294*Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

295*I think therefore I'm not you.

296*How nice of you to take this time to humiliate yourself in public.

297*Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

298*What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about?

299*Does dark have a speed too?

300*Here I am, Now what are your other two wishes?

[BikeWriter]

3. Yes there are more...

301*If there were no hypothetical questions what would this say?

302*Would your inner child like to come out and play with my inner child?

303*Had a life. Got a Modem.

304*Help! I'm downloading and I can't get up!

305*On the internet no one can hear you scream.

306*If at first you don't succeed you must be installing windows.

307*Work is for people who don't have internet access.

308*Help! I'm online and can't get off!

309*Somebody stop me before I post again!

310*Not tonight dear, I have DSL.

311*Feeling like roadkill on the information superhighway?

312*Last one out of the chatroom, please turn off the lights.

313*Be sure brain is engaged before Send key is released.

314*The surest way to improve one's looks is to go into a chatroom.

315*LOG OFF!

316*I've got a modem and I'm not afraid to use it.

317*Honk if your keyboard has a horn.

318*Intel inside! Idiot outside!

319*There's a nut loose on your keyboard.

320*I can resist everything except temptation.

321*I have not yet begun to procrastinate.

322*It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I'm right.

323*I've seen normal, It ain't pretty.

324*I'm the kind of person my parents warned me to stay away from.

325*I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

326*My 4,895th consecutive day of lowered expectations.

327*Reality is nice but I wouldn't want to live there.

328*The buck doesn't even slow down here.

329*I've forgotten more than I ever learned.

330*My favorite memories are of the past.

331*Yes I am an agent of Satan but my duties are largely ceremonial.

332*I must hurry, for there they go and I am their leader.

333*I feel so naked without my clothes.

334*I'm nicer in person.

335*Everyone says I'm in denial but really I'm not.

336*I don't believe in miracles, I Rely on them.

337*You can't make me feel bad, my self esteem is way too low for that.

338*My life is full of unsuffered consequences.

339*God grant me patience, Now!

340*You stay here, I'll go get help.

341*Change Is Good, you go first.

342*Forgive and Forget, but keep a list of the names.

343*Follow Your Dreams. Except that one where you're at work in your underwear.

344*Relish today, Ketchup tomorrow.

345*You can't make a person love you. You can only stalk them and hope for the best.

346*You are here*

347*You are being watched.

348*You can learn a lot about a person if you just take the time to inject them with sodium pentothal.

349*Some days you're the dog. Some days you're the hydrant.

350*You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

351*A barrel full of monkeys would not be fun, it would be horrifying.

352*Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

353*If you don't have anything nice to say.... Welcome to the club.

354*Even if the voices aren't real they have some good ideas.

355*I think my supply of brain cells is down to a managable level.

356*I may be schizophrenic but at least I have each other.

357*That's me in a nut shell. Will somebody help me get out!

358*I'm not a pessimist, I'm optimistically challenged.

359*The voices in my head are snoring!

360*I'm heavily medicated for your protection.

361*It's lonely at the top. What!, like it's a big party at the bottom?

362*My cultlike following is now accepting applications.

363*I didn't do it. You can't prove it. Nobody saw me. The sheep are lying.

364*I've only got one nerve left and you're getting on it.

365*Quiet Brain!, or I'll poke you with another Q-tip.

366*Oh, Great time for the meds to wear off!

367*OK, time for PLAN B.

368*Hell yes I'm drunk! What do you think I am, a stunt driver?

369*1 Tequila, 2 Tequila, 3 Tequila, FLOOR

370*If you think I'm a drunk driver you're wrong, I'm a blonde.

371*My other car is a UFO.

372*I don't lie, cheat or steal unnecessarily.

373*Bad cop! No donut!

374*Caution I swerve and hit people at random.

375*I'm not speeding, I'm qualifying.

376*My road to success is under construction.

377*DARE to keep cops off donuts!

378*I tried to contain myself but...I ESCAPED!

379*Don't talk to me while I'm talking to myself!

380*I used to see a shrink but I made him go crazy.

381*Some days it just isn't worth chewing through the straps.

382*I've had it with reality. Now I want my fairy godmother.

383*Reality bites!... and I have the teeth marks to prove it!

384*I brake for faeries, elves, gnomes, leprechauns, and other invisible creatures that only I can see.

385*If I could get a firm grip on reality I'd choke it.

386*I don't mind the voices in my head, it's the ones in yours that bug me.

387*The good thing about schizophrenia is you never run out of people to talk to.

388*I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.

389*My job is so secret, even I don't know what it is.

390*This is a bumper sticker.

391*Heaven doesn't want me, and hell is afraid I'll take over.

392*One day your prince will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.

393*Wild Women Do Not get the Blues!

394*If at first you don't succeed, faliure may be your style.

395*For such a small town there sure are alot of a*****es.

396*My other bumper sticker is funny.

397*I still love my children even if they aren't honor students!

398*If They Don't Have Chocolate In Heaven, I Ain't Going!

399*NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

400*Good little girls go to heaven,but bad little girls go everywhere.

[BikeWriter]

4. And then some...

401*In God I trust, All others are suspect.

402*I want to be Barbie. That B**** Has Everything!

403*Talking to yourself is ok..... At least somebody's listening.

404*I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

405*To err is human - to forgive is not company policy.

406*DON'T HONK! I'm pedaling as fast as I can!

407*HECK is where people go who don't believe in GOSH.

408*I do what the voices in my wife's head tell me to do.

409*I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

410*Don't interrupt me while I'm ignoring you.

411*I don’t necessarily agree with everything I say.

412*I had amnesia once or twice.

413*If you can’t convince them, confuse them.

414*Insanity is hereditary; you can get it from your children.

415*People don’t grow up; they just learn how to act in public.

416*There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

417*Those who can laugh without cause have either found the true meaning of happiness
or have gone stark raving mad.

418*It is not what a teenager knows that bothers his parents. It is how he found out.

419*You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

420*TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.

421*If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not your sport.

422*If everything is coming your way, you are probably in the wrong lane.

423*Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.

424*I have the body of a GOD – Buddha.

425*I’ve always wanted to be normal, but lately I’ve come to suspect that this is it.

426*I used to be a Kleptomaniac, But now I’m taking something for it.

427*This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren’t Happening To Me.

428*I Haven’t Lost My Mind, It’s Backed Up On Disk Somewhere.

429*What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

430*I laugh in the face of danger, except if I’m involved.

431*I always wanted to be a procrastinator, never got around to it though.

432*I have gone to look for myself, if I should return before I get back, keep me here.

433*I have a firm grip on reality. Now maybe I can strangle it.

434*I was naked when I wrote this.

435*Whenever I feel blue.... I start breathing again.

436*Age is a high price to pay for maturity.

437*Don't call me immature - you stinky butt doo-doo head!

438*Deja Moo -- the feeling that you've heard this BULL before.

439*Incontinence hotline -- can you hold please?

440*Skipping catnaps weakens your immune system.

441*Your body may be a temple. Mine's an amusement park.

442*If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a Jeep)

443*A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the ass.

444*If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??

445*Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings"

446*We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?

447*Axe me about Ebonics

448*Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway

449*WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition.

450*What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

451*Try not to let your mind wander... It is too small to be out by itself.

452*The proctologist called... they found your head.

453*If you can read this... I can slam on my brakes and sue you.

454*Some people just don't know how to drive... I call these people "Everybody But Me.

455*Don't like my driving?... Then quit watching me.

456*You want me to drive straight? I don't even THINK straight!!!

[sans qualia]

5. Such transcendent wisdom

WITCH!!! :grr:

[BikeWriter]

7. LOL! n/t

[Deja Q]

6. About 'a****le'...

Is that 'apostle'?

Oh, wait, I just figured it out. :evilgrin:

[BikeWriter]

8. Smart aleck!

J/K