How to pick up girls the easy, convenient hand puppet way.

[asthmaticeog]

http://www.enotalone.com/article/58.html

(snip)

Well, did you know you can meet single women like crazy by using a hand puppet? I know you're thinking, "what in the hell is he talking about? A puppet?"

* First, you will need a hand puppet. You can buy them at your major toy stores such as Toys R Us.

* Bring your hand puppet with you to a nightclub where there are lots of single ladies.

* When you see a girl that you're attracted to, approach her and tap her on the shoulder lightly with your puppet and when she turns around raise your hand puppet towards her face and say something like this with your puppet, "Hi beautiful, would you like to dance with me?" Move your puppet up and down with your hand as you are saying your script just as if the puppet was really talking. And be sure to talk in a real silly voice.

* What happens next? She's going to die laughing and think that you are so funny. Plus, you will make a very favorable impression on her because women love a guy with a sense of humor. And, of course, she will most likely dance with you.

(snip)

[cleofus1]

1. don't be a fool...

anyone who you do this too will think you are a psycho...you will scare people...seriousley!

[Beer Snob-50]

2. I have a forklift that i use to pick up women

it has always worked for me.

[Drifter]

3. And of course she might Mace you ...

in which case use the hand puppet to block the spray.

Cheers
Drifter

[northamericancitizen]

16. I like your name. n/t drifter...

[Magrittes Pipe]

4. Tom has a ventriloquist's dummy.

You've probably met Rhubarb at the Beachland.

[asthmaticeog]

17. No!

:wow::wow::wow::wow::wow::wow:

He goes OUT with it? Awesome.

[Magrittes Pipe]

21. Rhubarb is a naughty boy.

:o

[Tafiti]

5. Holy shit.

Who is this douchebag Don Diebel? I'd LOVE to see his friend in action, and what the girls he picks up look like (and where).

[InvisibleBallots]

9. Don Diebel, America's Number One Single's Expert!

[trotsky]

6. Please tell me this is NOT serious.

eom

[Tafiti]

8. That's the thing.

It IS serious! Did you hit the link? I thought it might be a joke at first, especially looking at this guy's picture, but he's written a shitload of other articles. Goddamn hilarious. I gotta e-mail this article to all my friends to try over New Year's!

[trotsky]

11. Well now I see why his site is "getgirls.com"

You sure aren't going to pick up any WOMEN using his methods, but I would imagine your success rate at the elementary school will be pretty high! What a creep!

[gollygee]

7. This has got to be a joke

In my single days I would have wondered whether you were mentally ill or just incredibly juvenile. Either way, I would not have fallen for that.

[Solly Mack]

10. "Sure. Just lose the jerk with the hand up your ass"

[Tafiti]

12. Another SWEET tip from the Diebel-man!

Um, OK, maybe this is fake. This CAN'T be serious...

*********************************************

"How to tell if a woman is interested in you"

By observing a woman's body language and reactions to you, you can determine if she is interested in you. Listed here are 12 positive signs that she may be interested in you:

1. Big smiles with upper and lower teeth showing with a relaxed face.

2. She gazes in your eyes with deep interest and her pupils are dilated (this could be mistaken from her taking drugs).

3. Biting of the lips or showing of the tongue, licking her lips or touching of her front teeth.

4. While talking to you she is slowly stroking her cocktail glass up and down with her thumb and index finger.

5. If she is wearing a see-thru top, you can see that her nipples are getting hard while talking to you and looking at you.

6. She starts sitting straight up and her muscles appear to be firm.

7. Her crossed leg is pointed towards you or if that same leg is rocking back and forth towards you.

8. She raises or lowers the volume of her voice to match yours.

9. She rubs her chin or touches her cheek. This indicates that she's thinking about you and her relating in some way.

10. She blows smoke straight out from between her lips and towards you.

11. She winks at you while talking to you or winks at you from a distance.

12. She exposes the palms of her hand facing you.

[asthmaticeog]

18. *snicker*

1. Maybe she's gettin' to wrecked?

2. Drugs, yes.

3. There's a bit of popcorn in her teeth.

4. He obviously "observed" this phenomenon in a bad movie.

5. WHO THE FUCK WEARS SEE-THROUGH TOPS these days? Is this a reprint from like 1976?

6. Good posture is now the go-ahead?

7. Means NOTHING. I'm sitting cross-legged right now, so what?

8. Could be a function of ambient noise in the bar.

9. Could indicate a burgeoning zit or chanchre sore.

10. That's just flat-out fucking rude.

11. OK fine, that's pretty unsubtle. He's 1 for 11 now.

12. Not to be mistaken for the "talk to the hand" gesture.

Also, WHO THE FUCK WEARS SEE-THROUGH TOPS these days?

[THUNDER HANDS]

13. oh please, if you're a hot guy

you could hold feces in your hand and a woman would probably dance with you. ;)

[gollygee]

14. Maybe if you drove a flashy car too . . .

Being hot alone wouldn't be enough.

:D

[teach1st]

15. I think if one used...

...a purple Barney hand puppet it might work. I'd try it, but I don't have the self-control to keep Barney from doing something lewd.

[TlalocW]

19. A former manager (and now good friend) of mine

Brought his team into a meeting room for our weekly get-together. He was rummaging in a grocery sack underneath the table while telling us, "I have a new management team I'd like you to meet." He then brought up a cow puppet and a flaming fuschia dragon puppet. "This is the bad manager," he said indicating the cow. "TlalocW! You're fired!" that puppet said. "And this is the good manager," indicating the dragon. "TlalocW! You're fired!"

He got a lot of use from those puppets. They would routinely appear over the wall of my cubicle, molest other people's stuffed animals, etc.

TlalocW

[asthmaticeog]

20. I probably couldn't have controlled myself

and just gone ahead and laughed in his face.

[TlalocW]

23. We were all laughing

He's a funny guy, and those puppets have brought a lot of joy to our lives. :)

TlalocW

[Patiod]

22. Sometimes corny works

When we were young and hot, men used to hit on us all the time. One night we were out at a bar/restaurant, and this nebbishy guy comes over to us (think Al Franken with a bow tie), with a totally straight face, and asks if we had seen "A Very Brady Christmas" the previous weekend (yes, it was many years ago that we were hot) and did we appreciate its true depth, with the twin themes of resurection and redemption that ran through it? That one actually broke the ice.

None of us ended up actually dating him, but we all became friends, and sort of hung out together.