Best Jack Nicholson line in any movie?

[Maddy McCall]

I need some laughs.

[tekriter]

1. Identify the movie - "Well, Doc, I'm a miracle of modern science"

Quote is approximate - I'm going by memory.

[Bush_Eats_Beef]

2. Easy. "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest."

The scene right after he's admitted to the mental hospital:

Doctor: Do you know why you're in here?

Nicholson: Well, I guess it's because I fight and f**k too much.

:toast:

[NightTrain]

3. "If Marxie Heller's so fuckin' smart, why's he so fuckin' dead?"

Prizzi's Honor (1985)

[GOPisEvil]

4. You're dumber than you think I think you are.

From Chinatown.

[Fenris]

5. "Darling. Light, of my life. I'm not gonna hurt ya. "

"You didn't let me finish my sentence. I said, I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash 'em right the fuck in. Ha, ha."

[Sannum]

6. "As good as it gets"

Melvin: Where did they teach you to talk like this? At some Panama City sailor-wanna-hump-hump bar, or is this getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else...we're all stocked up here.

[Zomby Woof]

10. LOL

Check the timestamps of our posts... we couldn't have planned that!

[hickman1937]

7. Where does he get those toys?

Which movie was that? I can hear him saying that.

[Zomby Woof]

12. Batman

As The Joker. :-)

[NightTrain]

13. "Batman"

Nicholson was a fucking awesome Joker, wasn't he? :bounce:

[cruadin]

14. As the Penguin in Batman. (I think the first one)

edit....I mean Joker, DUH

[tekriter]

16. PENGUIN?? Methinks you mean The Joker...

by far the BEST Bat-villan so far...

[Zomby Woof]

17. You can edit subject lines

:-)

[Zomby Woof]

8. From "As Good As It Gets"

"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor, wanna hump-hump" - bar? Or is this getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy some place else. We're all stocked up here."

[mcscajun]

25. Another from the same movie

"People who talk in metaphors oughta shampoo my crotch."

[fluffernutter]

9. "You make me want to be a better man."

[cruadin]

11. "Heeeeerrrre's Johnny!" from The Shining. n/t

[Skink]

18. Apparently none of you can handle the truth...

:beer: 9 + whatever I can russle up in the coming minutes....

[Kire]

15. "Here's to the first of the day, fellas! To old D.H. Lawrence!"

<Flapping his arms like a chicken.>

"Neh! Neh! Neh! Fuh! Fuh! Fuh! INDIANS!"

[Kire]

30. "Lord have mercy! Is that what that is?"

[Kire]

32. This used to be a helluva good country.

I can't understand what's gone wrong with it.

[Kire]

33. They'll talk to ya and talk to ya and talk to ya about individual freedom.

But they see a free individual, it's gonna scare 'em.

[mr_hat]

19. I'll have an omelette, no potatoes.

Give me tomatoes instead, and wheat
toast instead of rolls.

The waitress indicates something on the menu with
the butt of her pencil.

WAITRESS
No substitutions.

BOBBY
What does that mean? You don't have
any tomatoes?

WAITRESS
(annoyed)
No. We have tomatoes.

BOBBY
But I can't have any. Is that what
you mean?

WAITRESS
Only what's on the menu...
(again, indicating with
her pencil)
A Number Two: Plain omelette. It
comes with cottage fries and rolls.

BOBBY
I know what it comes with, but
that's not what I want.

WAITRESS
I'll come back when you've made up
your mind...

She starts to move away and Bobby detains her.

BOBBY
Wait, I've made up my mind. I want
a plain omelette, forget the
tomatoes, don't put potatoes on the
plate, and give me a side of wheat
toast and a cup of coffee.

WAITRESS
I'm sorry, we don't have side
orders of toast. I can give you an
English muffin or a coffee roll.

BOBBY
What do you mean, you don't have
side orders of toast? You make
sandwiches, don't you?

WAITRESS
Would you like to talk to the
manager?

PALM
Hey, mack!

BOBBY
(to Palm)
Shut up.
(to the waitress)
You have bread, don't you, and a
toaster of some kind?

WAITRESS
I don't make the rules.

BOBBY
Okay, I'll make it as easy for you
as I can. Give me an omelette,
plain, and a chicken salad sandwich
on wheat toast -- no butter, no
mayonnaise, no lettuce -- and a cup
of coffee.

She begins writing down his order, repeating it
sarcastically:

WAITRESS
One Number Two, and a chicken sal
san -- hold the butter, the mayo,
the lettuce -- and a cup of
coffee... Anything else?

BOBBY
Now all you have to do is hold the
chicken, bring me the toast, charge
me for the sandwich, and you
haven't broken any rules.

WAITRESS
(challenging him)
You want me to hold the chicken.

BOBBY
Yeah. I want you to hold it between
your knees.

The other three laugh, and the waitress points to a
"Right to Refuse" sign above the counter.

WAITRESS
You see that sign, sir?!

Bobby glances over at it, then back to her.

WAITRESS (CONT'D)
You'll all have to leave, I'm not
taking any more of your smartness
and your sarcasm!

He smiles politely at her, then:

BOBBY
You see this sign?

He reaches his arm out and "clears" the table for
her.

[scarlett1]

34. Yeah, Hold it between your knees

That is a classic

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

20. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!!!

eom

[Kire]

21. Dear Ndugu,

My name is Warren R. Schmidt, and I'm your new foster father. I live in Omaha, Nebraska. My older brother Harry lives in Roanoke, Virginia, with his wife Estelle. Harry lost a leg two years ago to diabetes. I am 66 years old and recently retired as Assistant Vice President and Actuary at Woodmen of the World Insurance Company. And goddamn it if they didn't replace me with some kid who -- all right, so maybe he's got a little theory under his belt and can plug a few numbers into a computer but I could tell right off he doesn't know a damn thing about genuine real world risk assessment or managing a department for that matter, the cocky bastard!

Anyway...sixty-six must sound pretty old to a young fella like yourself. The truth is, it sounds pretty old to me, too. Because when I look in the mirror and see the wrinkles around my eyes and the sagging skin on my neck and the hair in my ears and the veins on my ankles, I can't believe it's really me. When I was a kid, I used to think that maybe I was special, that somehow destiny would tap me to be a great man. Not like Henry Ford or Walt Disney, or somebody like that, but somebody, you know, semi-important. I got a degree in Business and Statistics and was planning to start my own business someday, build it up into a big corporation, watch it go public, you know, maybe make the Fortune 500. I was gonna be one of those guys you read about. But somehow...it just didn't work out that way. You gotta remember, I had a top-notch job at Woodmen and a family to support. I couldn't exactly put their security at risk. Helen -- that's my wife -- she wouldn't have allowed it.

But what about my family, you might ask. What about my wife and daughter? Don't they give me all the pride and satisfaction I could ever want? Helen and I have been married 42 years. Lately, every night, I find myself asking the same question. Who is this old woman who lives in my house? Why is it that every little thing she does irritates me? Like the way she gets the keys out of her purse long before we reach the car. And how she throws our money away on her ridiculous little collections. And tossing out perfectly good food just because the expiration date has passed. And her obsession, her obsession with trying new restaurants. And the way she cuts me off when I try to speak. And I hate the way she sits and the way she smells. For years now, she has insisted that I sit when I urinate. My promise to lift the seat and wipe the rim and put the seat back down wasn't good enough for her! No!

But then there's Jeannie. She's our only. I'll bet she'd like you. She gets a big kick out of different languages and cultures and so forth. She used to get by pretty good in German. She'll always be my little girl. She lives out in Denver so we don't get to see her much anymore. Oh sure, we stay in touch by phone every couple of weeks and she comes out for the holidays sometimes but not as often as we'd like. She has a position of some responsibility out there with a high-tech computer outfit so it's very hard for her to break away. Recently, she got engaged so...I suppose we'll be seeing even less of her now. The fellow's name is Randall Hertzel. He's got a sales job of some sort. Maybe Jeannie is a little past her prime but I still think she could have done a heck of a lot better. I mean, this guy's just not up to snuff, if you ask me, not for my little girl.

I'll close now and get this in the mail. Here I am rambling on and on and you probably want to hurry on down and cash that check and get yourself something to eat. So, take it easy and best of luck with all your endeavours.

Yours very truly,
Warren Schmidt.

More: http://wheel.blogs.com/rani/2004/05/dear_ndugu.html

[nytemare]

24. That was a great movie!

Sad but inspiring at the same time.

[Maddy McCall]

26. Thanks for this!

His letters to Ndugu made that movie. :-)

[fluffernutter]

22. Not much chance of that unless you curtsy on my face real soon.

from Terms of Endearment when Aurora tells him she didn't want to seem like his other girls.

[No Mandate Here.]

23. Two pieces of dry toast, please

You probably know the rest of the dialogue.

Five Easy Pieces

[mr_hat]

28. No, see above. You're goofing it up with Elwood in "Blues Brothers."

edit: Or is it Jake?

[No Mandate Here.]

40. Still one of the best scenes of one of his best movies,

even if my memory is faulty...

Thanks.

[Amaya]

27. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

McMurphy is pretending to watch the World Series on TV "Someone get me a fucking wiener before I die"

[nytemare]

29. "The Witches of Eastwick" as the devil

Cher: I think, no, no I am certain that you are the most unattractive man I have met in my entire life. In the short time that I have known you, you have demonstrated all of the loathsome characteristics of the male personality, AND even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, morally reprehensible, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell. You know, you're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Jack Nicholson: Uh, do you want to be on the top or the bottom?

[meisje]

31. N IC NIC NIC FOOF FOOF FOOF! - Easy Rider

[maveric]

35. Last Detail, when the Marine comments about having to unsnap all

those buttons, on a sailors uniform, to take a leak. "All you grunts need to do is take off your hat".

[Borgnine]

36. "Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?"

If I was an insane murderer, I'd surely say that line before killing my victims.

[Skink]

37. In lou of a Jack Nicholson movie...

:beer: Which VCR tape should I watch. Steve Mcqueen in Bulitt or Jeff Bridges in the Fabolous Baker Boys? I'm supposed to be a musician and I might actually be good.

[On Par]

38. Well ... don't I feel like the fuckin, asshole.

Col Jessep, after asking how Kaffee's father is doing, finding out that Kaffee's father is dead.

OP

[ok_cpu]

39. Too much to type

but there's a classic rant in Carnal Knowledge that cracks me up every time. I think it's Ann-Margret he's yelling at.