Call me Mr. Plumber! ... Or: Tom's Adventures with PVC pipe

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

Wednesday, December 29, 2004: 5:00 PM

I arrive home to a message taped to my garage door from the utility company: "You have a leak below your water meter." That's all.

I run to the meter where there is a lovely new fountain that I have never noticed before. I look at my front yard and realise I must do something before it is declared a wetland and I will be required to move. As environmentally conscious as I'd like to be, I can't afford to purchase a new domicile so I sprinted to the garage for a pair of pliers. Ripping the entire cover off the meter and leaving a wonderful new little goldfish pool, I thrust my hand into the water and start feeling for the valve while wondering how water can be 100 degrees below freezing and still be in a liquid state. I find the valve and turn it off.

After the panic, I curse the bastard who left me the note: Why in hell didn't he turn the water off? Then I realised I had to use the bathroom and not in a way that I could go behind a tree standing up.

You don't know what you got till it's gone.





Thursday, December 30, 2004: 6:30 AM

Time to go to work. A quick trip out to the tree in the back yard, the terrible realisation that I would really like to sit down somewhere.

I gather a face towel, my tooth brush and razor and try to get to work before anyone else. It doesn't happen.

I take off work early, hit the Home Depot and buy couplings, glue and ten feet of pipe to replace the three inches of pipe I will need to replace.

Have you ever dug in mud?

And then need clean hands to put things together?

And have no water in which to wash?

By this time, I look as if I'm in black face. Covered entirely in REALLY cold mud. There are roots the size of giant sea slugs wrapping around the broken pipe I need to replace and the sun is going down.

To make a long story short, my hands are now purple from the primer you use to glue PVC (polyvinyl chloride)pipe, I have ruined a pair of jeans, my dog thinks I'm the Swamp Thing and I have to shit again.

BUT the glue needs to dry for two hours and the toilet bowls are dry holes.

Sigh.

I have now washed my hands, had a shower and spent time with myself not worrying about sanitary problems.

Life is good.

[Not_Giving_Up]

1. Glad you were able to get it taken care of

See? You learned to be thankful for indoor plumbing!

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

5. Yeah, Outdoor bathrooms are a bitch at this time of year.

:toast:

h**p://quotes.barchart.com/texadv.asp?sym=wlda

[NJCher]

2. what an ordeal!

Cher

[Steven_S]

3. So you've earned your butt-crack merit badge.....

What you described is what I can go through on a good day. Three or four times a day. I have a few soil pipe stories that would turn your stomach. Congratulations!

Ain't easy is it?

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

11. Three cheers for the trades!

[miss_kitty]

4. gloves

that primer and glue are mega-ultra toxic (yeah I know. "Now she tells me.") And yes to the digging in mud and yes to the need the clean hands to put things together, because I know how to repair PVC irrigation systems. And I always carry multiple pairs of gloves.

Sounds like you did okay. There's nothing like making water go the places you want it to for that over all Powerful feeling. At least the first few times. Or on a hard job. Or after you haven't done it for a time...


Cotton base with rubber dip

[Tom Yossarian Joad]

13. Thank you, Miss Kitty... I'm dictating this from my deathbed...

The purple stain spread over 95% of my body shortly after typing th e original post...

The bright side is, I've been given the lead role in a remake of What's Eating Gilbert Grape!

[Hillary08]

6. Reminds me...

of the time my power bill went way high, maybe double or more. I was walking around back to see if something was screwy with the meter or something. Then I find this steaming river emanating from beneath the house. The water heater developed a leak. Apparently about a month ago, and I just found out!

I hate days like that.

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

7. Welcome to MY world!

I was an irrigation system (landscaping sprinkler system) designer and troubleshooter for about five years. I did what you described twelve hours a day, six days a week.

It's a living. (Until your knees give out and you retire because you can't use a shovel any more...)

[HuskiesHowls]

8. You should really try it

in a crawl space under the house. All those nice creepy cobwebs, and bugs, and who knows what else living under there. Then, of course you have maybe 18" clearance between the floor joists and the nice dry dirt that hasn't seen water in the past 20yrs and is superfine dust. Oh, did I mention claustrophobia, too??

Fun and games!!

[ragin_acadian]

9. don't forget the dead cats, and pesticide.

[ragin_acadian]

10. awww. i wish you had posted this before you did it. the primer

is pointless - i find that it prevents the glue from melding the two walls of pvc together. usually i just glue the joint, then paint the primer on afterwards so the inspectors won't scream.

in any event, good job!

[underpants]

12. That is hilarious

Too funny

[Lone_Star_Dem]

14. And people wonder why it costs so much to call out a Plumber.

:eyes: