How many unanswered emails is too many?

[JanMichael]

One? Two? Three? How many?!

An old friend, my oldest adult friend, of mine has not responded to two in a row and frankly I'm getting a little worried. Oh yeah, one call with a message left too.

This isn't normal for this person.

What do you think? Should I start getting really concerned or lay off for a bit?

FYI~ This person has something of a history of depression.

[Suspicious]

1. Maybe out of town?

I take it you do not live in the same area? If not, do you know anyone who does live in your friend's vicinity - someone who could check in on him/her?

I just had a friend lose a partner to suicide a week ago, so I might be a bit hypersensitive, but if you're worried, I would go with your instincts and find a way to check in.

[JanMichael]

4. I guess I should try calling again.

Sorry about your friend's situation.

Suicide is something I'm sensitive about too. I've known two brilliant people that have done it, one the husband of my 6th grade teacher (Also worked with my step dad) and my sister's first boyfriend (who turned out to be gay and involvement with a sick therapist led to an overdose, he was 18).

That's probably why I'm getting what many might see as over-concerned.

[Suspicious]

7. I would call again -

Keeping in mind that I don't know your friend, I think leaving a message expressing the fact that you're a bit concerned about the lack of response would cue your friend to get in touch with you.

It's true - once you've met suicide in an up-close, personal manner, you tend to see bogeymen where there might be none. It's a definite emotional blow. On the other hand, if your friend is just having a bit of a rough time right now, your being a persistent, concerned friend may be just what he or she needs.

[ewagner]

2. The depression part would worry me

Is there anybody living near that can check in (discretely of course)?

[JanMichael]

5. Unfortunately no.

I don't know anyone else in Manhattan.

[Shakeydave]

3. Send a letter.

Response will be forthcoming! It's easier that way!

[Droopy]

6. I'd give it a little time

But keep trying every once in a while until you hear back. I have a friend who doesn't answer e-mails promptly and it drives me nuts. I used to keep sending more and more e-mails but it was just a waste of time.

One thing you can do is once you get a hold of this person is tell him/her that you were worried and tell him/her to get back to you sooner. I'm sure your friend will understand.

[hunter]

8. I get bogged down in email...

I have been known to miss a few, especially whenever I go into one of my "open every fortnight and delete everything" binges, or whenever I'm on an email "vacation."

You would not believe some of the shit I get in my email sometimes, a lot of stuff best ignored.

But I do pay attention to phone messages, well maybe only if the caller sounds concerned and repeats their home phone number once or twice.

And I can't ever ignore folks "dropping by" because my dog won't let me. She'll open the front door with her teeth if she has to. Okay, I'll say, so let's have a beer on the patio, and we'll talk.

Lucky me! My wife, my kids, and my dog keep me on an even keel.

I arranged it that way.

;)