For those who could use a good(bad) laugh today.

[Rainbowreflect]

I know these are baaad, but I the cornier they get, the more I laugh!

- "How to Write Large Books" by Warren Peace
- "The Lion Attacked" by Claude Yarmoff
- "The Art of Archery" by Beau N. Arrow
- "Songs for Children" by Barbara Blacksheep
- "Irish Heart Surgery" by Angie O'Plasty
- "Desert Crossing" by I. Rhoda Camel
- "School Truancy" by Marcus Absent
- "I Was a Cloakroom Attendant" by Mahatma Coate
- "I Lost My Balance" by Eileen Dover and Phil Down
- "Mystery in the Barnyard" by Hu Flung Dung
- "Positive Reinforcement" by Wade Ago
- "Shhh!" by Danielle Soloud
- "The Philippine Post Office" by Imelda Letter
- "Things to Do at a Party" by Bob Frapples
- "Stop Arguing" by Xavier Breath
- "Raising Mosquitos" by I. Itch
- "Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. Thanks. It's been tough trying to smile this week, but these

helped.

[xray s]

2. You forgot one

"The Bush Social Security Plan" by Dewey, Cheatem and Howe.

[UrbScotty]

12. HAHAHA!

:D

[hlthe2b]

3. I like the last one:"Mountain Climbing" by Hugo First

:7

[seriousstan]

4. You had to go and tap into a 4th grade memory, didn't you......

-"Under the Bleachers" by Seymore Butts
-"Lines in the Snow" by I. P. Freely
-"Ten Years in the Saddle" by Captain Flatas

[Misunderestimator]

5. Claude Yarmoff ... lol

[TlalocW]

6. Oh, let's take it down to gutter level this morning

"I Like Anal Sex," by Phil McCrakken

TlalocW

[Rainbowreflect]

7. Are you trying to get my thread locked?

;-)

[underpants]

8. "50 yards to the Outhouse" by Willie Makeit

illustrated by Betty Wont

[welshTerrier2]

9. car talk credits ... (a mile long but very funny)

Accounts Payable Administrator - Imelda Czechs
Adopted son from Sweden - Bjorn A. Payne Diaz
Airline Seat Tester - Wilma Butfit
Air-Quality Monitor - Carmine Dioxide
Air Traffic Controller - Ulanda U. Lucky
Airline Reservation Manager - Will Price Randomly
Alaskan Prenuptial Advisor - Rush Inuit
Alternative Fuel Consultant - Amanda Livering Cole
Anger Management Consultant - Joanne Slowburner
Appeals Specialist - Bud Uronner
Appointment Secretary - Stu Earley
Arbitration Expert - Viola Fuss
Art Critic - Phyllis Steen
Art Critic (2) - Dot Snice
Asphalt Contractor - Luciano Pavearoadi
Assertiveness Training Coach - Lois Steem
Assistant Customer Care Representive - Kurt Reply
Asst. Directors of Computer Services - Sy Burnett and Sy Quest
Assistant Director of Moral Support - Hugo Gurll
Assistant Director of Strategic Planning - Kent C. Detrees
Assistant Disciplinarian - Joaquin D'Planque
Asst. Fleet Manager - Lisa Carr
Asst. Transportation Coordinator - Orson Buggy
Astroturf Installer - Nomar Wheaton
Attorney General - Janet Torino
Attorney General in charge of
Tobacco Settlements - Hubert H. Humvee II
Audience Counter - Hugh Wake
Audience Estimator - Adam Illion
Audience Response Analyst - Luke Warm
Australian Tour Guide - Joaquin Matilda
Auto-Body Expert - James Bondo
Automotive Finishes Consultant - Rusty Steele
Automotive Medical Researcher - Dr. Denton Fender
Automotive Registrar - Megan Model
Auto Seat Tester - Fitz Matush
Bail Bond Provider - Freida Gogh
Banker, Car Talk Plaza Poker Games - Nikolai Putin
Bathroom Tile Installer - Lotta Bullnose
Bedtime Storyteller - Juan Zapanna
Behavior Consultant - Wyatt B. Hoovesia
Blues Coordinator - Mahamadan Ptolemy
Bob Dylan Specialist - I. Shelby Released
Bolt Tightener - Tilda Plierslip
British Cutlery Specialist - Sir Irving Spoon
British Doorman - Isaiah Olchap
Boston Funeral Director - Hadley Newham
Brother in the Military - Major Payne-Diaz
Boston Traffic Director - Laura Biden
Bunji Jumping Instructor - Hugo First
Butler in Car Talk's Scotland Division - Angus MacCoatup
Broadcast Philosopher - Phillip Airtime
Caffeine Addiction Counselor - Bruno Moore
Car Stereo Installer - Carlos Antenna
Car Talk Bouncer - Euripedes Ibreakayourface
Car Talk Ice Rink Manager - Sam Boney
Car Talk Opera Critic - Barbara Seville
Celebrity Consultants - Richard Gere-Oil, Mick Jaguar
Chairman, Federal Lubrication Board - Alan Greasepan
Chairman, Joint Chiefs of Staff - John Shall-I-Pop-a-Wheelie
Chairman, Math Dept. - Horatio Algebra
Chairman, Oral History Dept. - Ira Caull
Chairman, Staff Physics Dept. - Victor Analysis
Chairman, Underemployment Study Group - Art Majors
Chicken Soup Provisioner - Kent Hoyt
Chief Benefactor - Myra Chunkle
Chief Estimator - Edward James Almost
Chief Information Officer - Otto Delupe
Chief Justice - Harry Mental, aka Judge Mental
Chief Legal Counsel - Hugh Louis Dewey of Dewey, Cheetham & Howe
Chief Negotiator - Bernadette Bridge
Chief of Stadium Seating for the Olympics - Wayne Back
Chief Procrastinator - Juan Menudo
Chief Prosecutor, Paris Office - Jacques Hughes
Chief Procurement Officer - Emma Chizzit
Chief of Tire Technology - Yessir Itsaflat
Child Care Provider - A. Hugh Nokitov
Child Development Expert - Dr. Benjamin Spark
Child Transportation Specialist - Minnie Van Driver
Children's Menu Adviser - Bea Ferrone
Children's Sleepover Coordinator - Amos Muhmahmi
Clothing Designer - Hugh Jass
Co-Chairmen of Apathy Study Group - Ben Thayer, Don Thatt
Collision Repair Specialist - Jesse "The Body Shop" Ventura
Commencement Speaker - Gladys Overwith
Communications Director - George Stayontopothis
Compassion Coordinator - Ophelia Paine
Complaint Line Operator - Xavier Breath
Computer Hardware Specialist - C. Colin Backslash
Conductor Emeritus, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Sludgy Ozawa
Conductor, Tappet Brothers Symphony Orchestra - Phil R. Monic
Conflict Resolution Specialist - Yvonne Apeesamey
Congressional Lobbyists - Orrin Hatchback, Dan Rustencarski, Paul Simonize, B. F. Gingrich
Conservative Political Commentator - Eileen Tudor-Wright
Conspiracy Theorist - Nadia Belimi
Construction Manager - Dustin Dubree
Coordinator, 12-Step Recovery Program - Cody Pendant
Coordinator of Summer Visits to the Inlaws - Don Juan-Gogh
Copyright Attorney - Pat Pending
Corporate Spokesperson - Hugh Lyon Sack
Credit Counselor - Max Stout
Criminal Justic Expert - Lauren Order
Curator of Dionne Warwick Studies - Isiah Lilprair
Curator of our French Armanents Exhibit - Brittany Spears
Curator of Tom's Car Collection - Rex Galore
Customer Car Care Representative - Haywood Jabuzoff
Customer Greeter - Mel Pugh
Daylight Savings Time Manager - Konrad Adenauer
Defense Attorney - Justin Volk V
Defense Attorney II - Heronimus B. Blind
Defense Dept. Consultant - Major Error
Dental Hygienist - Ginger Vitis
Dermatologist for Teenagers - Don Pickett
Dessert Chef - Tyra Meesu
Director of Allergy Research - Theresa Pollinating
Director of Alpine Choir - O. Leo Lahey
Director of Automotive Security - Boris Karlarm
Director, Automotive Recycling Center
(aka Junkyard) - Ricardo Dismantleban
Director of Cadillac Steering - Toulouse Toutrack
Director of The Car Talk Psychic Network - La Toyota Jackson
Designer of Casual Clothing Line - Noh Tie, Woo!
Director of Catering - Russell Upsumgrub
Director of Clandestine Meetings - Ron DesVue
Director of Cold Weather Starting - Martina Neverturnover
Director of Computer Diagnostics - Gus O'Genn
Director of Computer Services - Dot Matrix
Director of Congressional Funding - Fred Knott
Director of Country Music - Stan Beyerman
Director of Deep Sea Research - Marianna Trench
Director of Delicate Electronics Repair - Anita Hammer
Director of Desert Food Supplies - Sandy Berger
Director of E-mail Responses - Peggy Flaming
Director of Ethics & Honesty - U. Lyon Sack
Director of Firestone Tire Recalls - Ivana Michelin
Director of Gender Studies - Amanda B. Reckondwyth
Director of Global Warming - Nomar Winter
Director of Grad Student Transportation - Iona Heap
Director of High-Speed Impact Studies - Ricardo Montana-Bahn
Director of Italian Traffic Enforcement - Noah U. Turna
Director of Intensive Care Unit
(The Picabo ICU) - Picabo Street
Director of Jamaican Baseball Operations - Reggae Jackson
Director of Japanese Cooling Systems - Emperor Overhito
Director of Latin American Shameless Commerce - Chico Maniorda
Director of Listener Support - Noah Fundrive
Director of Lubrication - Olive Presser
Director of Luxury Car Horns - Toney Blare
Director of Long-Range Strategic Planning - Kay Sera
Director of Monopoly Policy - Juan Moorehouse
Director of New Product Repair - Warren T. Mifutt
Director of Nutritional Supplements - Rose Hips
Director of Pavlovian Research - Isabelle Ringing
Director of Pedestrian Operations - Carless Castenada
Director of Photography - Len Scapon
Director of Pollution Control - Maury Missions
Director of Purchasing - Lois Bidder
Director of Red Sox Themed Upholstery - Nomar Car-seat-repairer
Director of Roadway Resurfacing - Sylvia Pottholi
Director of Russian Rust Protection - Yevgeny Primercoat
Director of Speed Bumps - Slow-Me-Down Milosevic
Director of Sports Information - Linus Scrimmage
Director of Staff Pay Increases - Xavier Breath (assisted by Tony Von Thinkett!)
Director of Standard Time - Red Auerbach
Director of Sycophantic Activities - Eileen Yorway
Director of Three Stooges Studies - Lee Eyeapoka
Director of Top Secret Strategy - Donatello Nobatti
Director of Unsolicited Advice - H. Ross Peugeot
Director of Upward Mobility
in Eastern Europe - Zbigniew Chrysler
Director of Warm-Weather Programming - Sumner Reruns
Distant Cousin in Mexico City - Jaime Royal Payne Diaz
Divorce Attorney - Carmine Nottyors
Document Security Expert from Jamaica - Euripedes Upmann
Dope Slap Administrator - Thad Hertz
Dougie's Live-in Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Downsizing Consultant - Candace Guy
Drug Trials Specialist - Placebo Domingo
Drycleaner - Preston Creases
East Asian Used Car Expert - Alexander Soldyernissan
Ebay Specialist - Selma Junkoff
Electronics Technician - Sammy Conductor
Elocution Coach - Richard Shun (aka Dick)
Elvis Impersonator - Amal Shookup
Emergency Preparedness Director - Ron Lykell
Emergency Room Physician - Henrietta Badclam
Emissions Tester - Justin Hale VII (I, II,III, IV, V, VI may they RIP)
Empathy Coach - Enzo Watt
Employee Orientation Specialist - Trudy Gauntlet
Employee Refrigerator Monitor - Carmen Dating
Engine Cooling Systems Manager - Jean Claude Air Damme
Evasive Driving Instructor - Vera Bruptly
Executive Coach - Russell Papus
Executive Washroom Attendant - Eustace Stahl
Exercise Guru - Liza Round
Fact Checker - Ella Fynoe
Fashion Consultant - Natalie Attired
Fashion Improvement Coach - Noah Vale
Father-in-Law Liason - Royal Payne Diaz
Financial Forecaster - Lou Gubrious
Fleet Manager - Oscar de la Rental
Footwear Consultant - Susan Shocks
401 K Advisor - Hugh Don Wannano
French Automotive Liaison - Maurice Chevrolet
French Child Care Coordinator - Gerard Diaperdoo
French Ford Expedition Driver - Henri Rependent
French Vacation Specialist - April Lynn Parris
Gambling Addiction Counselor - Althea Andrasia
Gastroenterologist - Cameron Diaz
Genetic Counselor in Rome - Donna Maria Eucuzzin
German Interpreter - Axel Hausen
Golf and Wine Correspondent - Litre Vino
Gospel Choir Director - Colin Response
Graduation Coordinators - Val and Dick Torian
Grammar Consultant - I.M. Shirley Wright
Greek Driving Instructor - Adjustes Miros
Greek Insurance Estimator - Costa Grand
Guide to Rapid Sun Tanning - Les Block
Gum Surgeon - Perry O'Dontal
Hair - I.M. Mr. Gigi
Hair Color Consultant - Dewey R. Donti
Head of Alterations - Toulouse Toulong
Head of Covert Operations - Dinah Tell
Head of Division of Threat Assessment - Ewen Whadarmy
Head of Bldgs. & Grounds - Moe D'Lawn
Head of Personal Security - C. Howie Run
Head of Security - Barb Dwyer
Head of our Organ Donation Program - Olivia McColon
Heads of Parts Dept. - Al Lloyd Wheel, Constance Velocity
Head of Used Car Purchasing - Ewell B. Hoffinett
Head of Working Mother Support Group - Erasmus B. Dragon
Help Desk Coordinator - Dan Difino
Help Line Coordinators - Kara Lott-Knott, Don Bothermy
Holiday Decoration Specialist - Aretha Holley
Horsepower Consultant - Mr. Ed
Hospitality Director - Doris Shutt
In-house Literary Critic - Al Ligori
Interior Decorator - Perry Winkle
Interpretive Dance Instructor - Tristan Schaut
Inventory Manager - Mandalit Del Bar-Code
Iraqi Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Italian Governess - Donna Day Evvalurn
International Lubrication Experts - C.V. Boutros Boutros Gali and Fidel Castrol
Japanese Chef - Benny Honda
Jazz Music Coordinator - Bertha Deblues
Jump Starting Expert - Stan Wellback
Keeper of Bell Tower - (Hatchback of Notre Dame) Quasi Automotive
Latin American Bullfighting Specialist - Gordon Diaz
Latin American Trade Representative - Noah Comprenday
Layoff Counselor - Harry Verderchi
Leader of The Former Peugeot Dealers of America Support Group - Eustace L. Emmons
Leo Tolstoy biographer: Warren Peace - Author of Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace
Liaison to the British Isles - Isaiah Oldchap
Liaison to the Space Program - Roger Houston
Liaison Officer to Volvo & Renault - Bjorne Toulouse
Libel Defense Director in Tokyo - Sosumi Areti
Lighting Expert - Shanda Lear
Literary Critics - Ernest & Julio Hemingway
Loan Officer - I.O. Silver
Locksmith - Ernest & Eustace Nailfile
Long-Distance Truck Driver - Etienne Wheeler
Lottery Ticket Coordinator - Jason Rainbows
Manager of Automotive Accessories - Francis Ford Cupholda
Manager of Car Talk
Capital Depreciation Fund - Les Ismore
Manager of Cartalk.Com - Cy Burnett
Manager, Car Talk Listeners Rebate Program - Wendy Pigsfly
Manager, Donkey Based Video Equipment - Cameron Diaz
Manager of Employee Refrigerator - Carmen Dating
Manager of the Weekly Shrimp Buffet - Sheldon Deveigned
Marine Biologist - Frieda Wales
Marriage Counselor - Marion Haste
Mechanic's Assistant - Hannah Twomey
Montana Traffic Law Director - Hugh Jim Bissell
Mortgage Loan Consultant - Nora Lenderbee
Mother-in-Law Liason - Stella Payne Diaz
Moving Van Driver - Carrie Desofa
Musical Director - Donna E. Mobile
Musical Theater Critic from the Bombay Office - Jaswant Singh
New York-based Dispute Settlement Coordinator - Hugh Talkinamee
Nutrition Consultants - Eaton Wright and Liven Good
New Truck Reviewer - Zbigniew Rigg
Official Football Widow - Eliza Decouch
Official Spokesperson - Howie Vasive
Official Spokesperson - Lou Scannon
Ornithologist in Training - Luke A. Boyd
Overnight Bus Driver - Borden Drousy
Overseer of Florida Voting Practices - Emmanuel Recount
Parking Attendant - Rick O'Shea
Parole Officer - Willy Bolt
Parts Inventory Manager - Wayne Debach
Pastry Chef - Edith Tu
Paternity Suit Researcher - Oren Jewison
Pedestrian Advocate - Jay Walker
Personal Hygiene Advisor from the Tokyo Office - Oh Takashawa
Personal Makeup Artist - Bud Tuggli
Personal Trainer - Jim Shortz
Photographer - F. Stop Fitzgerald
Plastic Surgeon - Fay Swift
Poet Laureate - Robert Defrost
Political Consultant - Mark Iavelli
PR Director - Bea Esser
Practical Joke Specialist - Dietrich Iznotulaff
Prayer Coach - Denise Hurt
Pre-show Caterers - Giardia Brothers
President, Car Talk Hair Club for Men - Emerson Fittibaldie (he's also a client)
President, Disgruntled Hatchback Owners Club - Ivana Trunk
Press Secretary - Don B. Zonozi
Producer's Office, Furnished by - Rick Kleiner
Proof Reader - Erin Spelling
Proprietor of Car Talk's men clothing store - Euripedes Eumenedes
Pseudonym Consultant - Norm De Plume
Public Opinion Pollster - Paul Murky of Murky Research
Puerto Vallarta Transmission Specialist - Synchro de Mayo
Puzzler Tester - Otis S. Hard
Race Team Driver - Andy Zoff
Rafting Guide - Euphrates Rapids
Ranch Foreman - Hyman Oldcowhand
Ratings Analysis Specialist - Rita Menweip
Recently Discovered Uncle from Warsaw - Zbigniew Payne Diaz
Regional Director, Atlanta - Frank Lee Scarlett
Reluctant Film Editor - Francis Ford Cupholda
Rental Property Manager - Ulysses Up
Repair Cost Consultant - Bill M. Moore
Rock and Roll Historian - Bruce Wade Hughes
Rocket Scientist - Chet Propeld
Rumanian Emissions Tester - Vlad the Inhaler
Russian Chauffeur - Picop Andropov
Russian Gas Station Attendant - Phillip Antopitov
Russian Intern - Igor Beaver
Russian Vacation Specialist - Ivana Veekoff
Safety Officers - Mort & Fay Tality
Sales Director - Aziz Nowarranty
Sales Motivation Coach - Norman Vincent Pealeout
Seafood Provisioner - Howard E. Oysters
Seat Cushion Tester - Mike Easter
Seating Consultant - Rush Lumbar
Secretary of Pain Relief - Les Aspirin
Secretary of Halogen Headlamps - Made-A-Lane Allbright
Secretary of Photographic Reproduction - Fresh Prince
Self Esteem Coach - Mia Culpa
Senior Citizen Driving Instructor - Tonya Blinkeroff
Senior Ornithologist - Seymour Robbiins
Sexual Harrassment Intervention Counselor - Pat McCann
Shop Foreman - Luke Bizzy
Sidewalk Clothing Vendor - Chip Pentz
Singing Urologist - Urethra Franklin
Solicitor of New Ideas - Obie Quiet
Soloists - Kerry Oki, Victor Yugo
Special Liaision to the California Energy Commission - Tanya Lightov
Speech Pathologist - Peter Aftermey
Speechwriter - Audrey Marx
Spiritual Counselor - Miss Dolly Lama
Sportsmanship Coach - Ivan Youlose
Staff Activities Coordinator - Dewey Hafta
Staff Acupuncturist - O. Howard Hertz
Staff Advisor - Judy Cyde
Staff Alpinist - Arianna Topyet
Staff Archivist - Bernadette File
Staff Author - Four-Door Dostoevski
Staff Barber - Buzz Wazleftov
Staff Bicycle Tester - Maya Certz
Staff Bikini Waxer - Harry Mouval
Staff Butler, from the Car Talk
Bombay Division - Mahatma Coat
Staff Bouncer - Euripedes Ibrakauface
Staff Carburetor Expert - Leslie Stahl
Staff Cardiologist - Angie O'Plasty
Staff Cat Feeder - Ken Opener
Staff Chaperone - Theresa Crowd
Staff Chaplain - Neil Down
Staff Child Seat Tester - Drew Lee Weiner
Staff Chiropractor - Winston Paine
Staff Composers - Gustav Muffler, Bela Cartok
Staff Cooks - Al Dente, Sal Monella
Staff Copy Editor - Adeline Moore
Staff Dermatologist - Ivan Offalitch
Staff Dietician - Norma Lee Chowen
Staff Disciplinarian - Les Stern
Staff Disciplinarian II - Tara Neuwon
Staff Dramatist - Anton Chokeov
Staff Forger - Vera Similitude
Staff Gastroenterologist - Dr. Louis Stuhls
Staff Geneticist - Dr. Jean Poole
Staff Geographer - Lorraine, Alsace
Staff Gossip Columnist. - Bud Inski
Staff Grief Counselor - Ariel Bummerman
Staff Historian - Marsha Time
Staff Intern - Lois Rung
Staff Intuitionist - Ivan Inkling
Staff Kleptomaniac - Heidi Silver
Staff Mediator - Sue First
Staff Meteorologist - Gail Storm
Staff Meteorologist from New Delhi - Luke Audavindo
Staff Meteorologist from the Seattle Office - Wayne Goaway
Staff Morticians - Barry L. Plotz
Sven Didigo
Staff Nutritionist - Arlene Menu
Staff Oral Historian - Studds Tercel
Staff Physicist - Moe Mentum
Staff Promotions Director - Anita Buttkiss
Staff Psychologist - Les Moody
Staff Reporters - Walter Windshield, Walter Crankcase
Staff Sommelier - Avery Goodyear
Staff Snowplow Driver - Frasier Tushov
Staff Supervisor - Mike Romanage
Staff Temporary Housing Specialist - Condo Leaser Rice
Staff Urologist - Willa Catheter
Standard Time Keeper - Hans Auerbach
Station Identification Coordinator - Avery Haffenauer
Statistician - Marge Innovera
Summer Intern - Gladys Overnow
Suppliers of Insurance to
Dewey, Cheetham and Howe - C.F.I. Care
Surgeon General - C. Everett Koop DeVille
Swedish Attorney - Bjorn Liar
Swing Dance Consultant - Antonia Band-Era
Table Saw Operator - Les Digits
Tailor - Euripedes Imenedes
Tax Consultant - Lou Pole
Teenage Daughter - Sasha Royal Payne Dias
Teenage Valet - Lao Tse Parker
Telephone Complaint Taker - Opal Lease
Telephone Solicitation Response Specialist - Teresa Noboddihoum
Timing Director - Benjamin Not-Yet-You-Yahoo!
Tom's Beard Cleaner - Emile Initself
Tom's Personal Hygiene Coach - Haseen Benisi
Tom's Personal Matchmaker - Robin D'Craydell
Toto Payne Diaz - Little Dog of Payne-Diaz family
Town Car Rear Seat Passenger - Ralph Oliver
Town Criers - Nina Clark and
Alice Well
Transcriber - Diana Boredom
Transgender Studies Expert - Ben Her
Transportation Coordinator - Rick Shaw
Travel Agent - Lois Faire
Travel Agent, Bombay Office - Vishnu Verhere
Two Year Old - Ariel Payne Diaz
Urgent Response Coordinator - Candace Waite
Used Car Salesman - Alexis Itznot
Wardrobe Assistant - Joaquin Closet
Wardrobe Consultant - Natalie Attired
Wine Taster from the Abu Dhabi Office - Hassen Ben Sober

[welshTerrier2]

10. ok, one more chance for the punster crowd ...

kick ...

[KamaAina]

11. "Beyond the Yellow River" by I. P. Daily

what passes for literature at Moe's Tavern...