Darth Gates?

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Found this one on another message board also.
Enjoy!

Interview With Microsith

Darth Rich: Darth Fences, let me begin this interview by saying what a great honour it is to be here with you today.

Darth Fences: Thank you.

DR: Firstly, I'd like to ask how things are going with the company? How are your plans shaping up?

DF: Everything is going as planned. The Republic will soon be in my command.

DR: You have come under fire recently for your treatment of other software producers. What do you feel Microsith should do about it's competition?

DF: Wipe them out...all of them.

DR: Don't you think that's a little harsh? You are currently being investigated by the Senate for exploiting your market position. How does that make you feel?

DF: Good. I have the Senate bogged down in procedures. By the time this incident comes up for a vote, they will have no choice but to accept our control of the system.

DR: But things were looking pretty bad for Microsith at one point. What happened?

DF: Enter the bureaucrats, the true rulers of the Republic, and on the payroll of the Trade Federation, I might add.

DR: So lets discuss the competition you do have. The "Open Force" movement, lead by Linus Torvalds, is gaining popularity among many of your ex-users, especially academics. What about them?

DF: They have grown strong. Only together can we turn them to the dark side of the Source.

DR: But what about Universities? They use other, Light Side systems. How do you plan to deal with them?

DF: Move against the Admin first...you will then have no difficulty taking the Users back. Students are young and naive. I find controlling them not to be difficult.

DR: What of Richard Stallman?

DF: We have a new enemy - Linus Torvalds. He could destroy us. The Source is strong with him. The son of Torvalds must not become a Hacker.

DR: What if he were to work for you?

DF: Yes. Yes. He would be a great asset. Can it be done?

DR: I doubt it.

DF: He will join us or die.

DR: But that's impossible!

DF: ...not for a Sith...

DR: But Linux will only grow in popularity...

DF: Perhaps you refer to the imminent release of RedHat 6.1? Yes...I assure you we are quite safe from your friends. Everything that has transpired has done so according to my design. Your friends out there in Durham... are walking into a trap. My Empire is quite safe from your pitiful little band. I have given NTie away free to everybody in every University in the Galaxy! Oh...I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive.

Ahem, sorry, getting my speeches mixed up again.

DR: Giving it away to everybody? Doesn't that create a monopoly? Is that legal?

DF: I will make it legal.

DR: I should have known. Only you could be so bold. The Senate will not stand for this, when they hear you've attacked they will retaliate in kind.

DF: The ability to destroy a planet is insignificant next to the power of the Source.

DR: I can't believe I'm hearing this...

DF: I find your lack of faith disturbing. Perhaps you think you're being treated unfairly.

DR: You promised me an honest interview...

DF: I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further.

DR: I'll never use your software.

DF: It is useless to resist. Don't let yourself be destroyed as Apple did. With our combined strength, we can end this destructive conflict and bring order to the galaxy.

DR: What about the claims that your latest Operating System won't be ready on time?

DF: Windows 5000 will be completed on schedule!