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After re-reading what I wrote, I how it could be interpreted differently. I'd just like you (and everyone) to know I didn't intend it that way. Of course, I could sit here and type a dozen apologies and no one would have to believe them. I'd like to share a piece I wrote last June. It was published with a larger article about obesity in children.
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On Raising a Fat Kid
I’m a parent to a fat kid. There, it’s said. I no longer have the luxury of watching news programs on adolescent obesity and simply shaking my head in disgust. My parental job performance evaluation forms have been passed out to people on the streets and I am subject to their various critiques.
When my daughter and I went to the movies, we ordered one large soda and one large popcorn. Was it really necessary for the gentleman behind me to say that we shouldn’t be having either? Did he even consider, just for a moment, that the night was a special treat for my daughter and me and not the ‘norm’ of our existence? If my daughter and I had both been a size eight, would he be compelled to offer the same advice? Did he even hear the order of diet soda and popcorn, no salt or butter? Did he merely see the box and make assumptions?
See, that’s the thing. People have been led to believe it’s only about the food. If we could only stop our kids from putting so much junk or unnecessary food in their mouths, we could solve this problem. Perhaps there are parents out there who serve potato chips, sugary drinks, high-fat entrees and candy bars at every available opportunity. Do you know any? Honestly, I don’t either. Still, this is a crisis for our kids and someone has to be to blame. Parents are easy targets.
No one truly knows what goes on in another person’s home. We can make assumptions, but we can’t really know until we’ve lived there. I’ve heard that I should enroll my daughter in sports. Well, she doesn’t like competitive sports, although she does play softball, ride her bike, hike and garden with me. I’ve heard that I should quit buying junk food. Would that be the one box of treats I purchase each week? I’ve heard that we should stop drinking soda. Do they realize we only drink diet sodas? I’ve heard that she should take up swimming. Don’t they realize that she is mortified at the thought of parading around in a swim suit? Maybe some actually do consider teenage emotional scars a great incentive to weight loss.
We live in a world where food should be a pleasure. We should sit and savor the taste, texture and friendship that goes along with a good meal. In my home, food has become a battleground. My daughter discovered several years ago that food is quick and easy comfort. When her father and I were so caught up in our own grief to pay attention to her, she found solace with food. It has progressed to a toxic relationship, one that I’m sure will kill her if we cannot find an answer. What began as grabbing something from the shelf in response to an emotion has continued to the point that she grabs the whole shelf. She binges. The type of food is unimportant. She binges on saltine crackers as easily as ice cream bars. Dried macaroni, yogurt, milk, bread, Ovaltine powder, instant breakfast packets, bananas, chicken, salad, carrots, chips – it’s all the same to her. She will happily trade desserts from her school lunch for more entrees or side dishes. It’s all about the full feeling, I think.
My younger children, who are not fat, are rarely allowed treats because of this. My husband hides his snacks and junk food in the dresser. We are all being held hostage by her illness and we all sit and wait for the next shoe to drop.
I have taken my daughter clothes shopping and held her while she cried in the dressing room. I have had to force shorts upon her body because she was too embarrassed to wear them. I regret to admit that I have sat and watched my daughter perform in concerts or in school plays while mentally taking a note of which girls were larger. I have felt disappointment and I have felt the sting of stranger’s comments. Even with therapy, support groups, encouragement and out-and-out pushing from us, she continues to grow larger. I know that she will eventually learn the art of purging to cover her tracks. I know that she will find this a godsend in her life… finally she’ll be able to have her food and no one will be the wiser. I’m scared to death for her.
Maybe the next time you see a family with an overweight child, this article will cause you to pause. I hope it does. I hope the man from the movie theater reads it too. He took what was supposed to be a good night – a rare event of mother and daughter having a little bonding time – and tossed it back into the battlefield. Not always, but sometimes there are things going on behind closed doors that don’t fit the norm.
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