Need help finding someone who seems to have dropped off the planet

[Not_Giving_Up]

My biological father left when I was barely two (in 1974). I have no memories of him, only pictures of him holding me. I've looked and looked and looked online, but to no avail. I can't afford to pay for searching...I'm barely feeding the family. Can anybody help me?

[intheflow]

1. It would be easier to help you if you gave us something to go on.

Name? Last known location? Height, weight?

And just out of curiousity, why do you want to find someone who abandoned you? (Though if this is too personal a question, feel free to ignore it.)

[Not_Giving_Up]

2. I have a lot of unanswered questions

I do mean a LOT. No one will talk about him. My mom has selective memory, and has chosen to forget the entire experience. Knowing medical history would be nice, too.

I'd rather not throw the info out into open forum, will be happy to PM/IM anyone who can help me out.

[intheflow]

9. The med questions are important.

And probably your best bet for breaking down those relatives who won't talk to you about him. Especially if you or your children (if you have any) are experiencing any weird medical problems that can't be traced on your mother's side.

You might also try tracking down your mother's long-time friends, if she's still in touch with any from then. Maybe go through her Christmas card list?

If you're still in the area you lived in when he left, you could always go to the county clerk's office and look up birth and death records, real estate transactions, maybe even things like motor vehicle/traffic violations records. If you think no one wants to talk about him because he was an alcoholic/abusive/etc., police records might be helpful, too. Don't know what your access to that stuff might be, but it'd be worth a shot, right?

My final recommendation--and maybe you want to start with this one--is to go to your local library and as the reference librarian if s/he has any recommendations on where to look.

Good luck, Not_Giving_Up. Your screen name attests to your resilient and resourceful spirit! :hug:

[Not_Giving_Up]

10. Well, let's see

About his relatives, see my post below.

My mother has no long time friends...at least not from back that far. she doesn't have a Christmas Card list either, that I'm aware of, that would require organization.

I've checked everything that I know about that I can get into for free in the state, haven't had any luck.

[starroute]

3. Genealogy message boards

At http://boards.ancestry.com/mbexec?htx=main&r=rw you can post under the forum for your last name asking if anybody can help. If your name is at all unusual, this can be a good way to go.

[Not_Giving_Up]

4. I've tried that before with no luck

My maiden name wasn't exactly common, though I did find out that it's not as unusual as I thought.

[miss_kitty]

5. Try old newspapers

a lot of time in the library. find someone in your family who will talk. If you can, let your mom it's really important to you to know.

If you know his name, look for HIS relatives. Go to the largest library in your area and chat with someone at the genealogy desk, or if they don't have one, one of the librarians might be proficient in the area.

The Church of Latter Day Saints maintain extensive vital statistic records on people. A stake house in your area will be able to help you-they are great helpful people and do not proselytize.

Public records. If you can find a friendly clerk in the office, they may go the extra mile to help you.

The National Archives-there may be one close to you-can help you find stuff on your biological father's ancestry, which can lead you to present-day relatives.

Did he graduate from High School? the reunion organisers might be able to help you-maybe even knew him when, might give you sibling names.

Old city directories in your public library-can help you trace his family members.

A 'last name' organisation-see if you can find an organisation that looks for info based on people with his last name...

I used to do genealogical research-I would approach it as a genealogical project-look for relatives of his that can point you to his whereabouts.

Good luck.

[Not_Giving_Up]

8. I was reunited with his family when I was in junior high

They claim to have not heard from him either, and refuse to talk about him. I got frustrated with the whole ordeal for a while, and didn't talk to them. I discovered that major functions (like my cousins weddings) had occurred, and I was not invited, even though I'm a three hour drive away, but relatives were flown in from out of state. I recently tried to call my grandparents, my aunt, my uncle (his sibs), all numbers were disconnected. :wtf:

[miss_kitty]

20. some of these searches cost as little as 7.95

http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=people+search+service&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t&fl=0&x=wrt

and some go up to $20. It takes minutes.

[Nikia]

6. Was his name on the original birth certificate?

Even if it is now changed, I think that the county office would still have the original. The hospital and delivering doctor might have records too.

[Not_Giving_Up]

7. Yes

My parents were married at the time, and his name is on it. I have a copy.

[Nikia]

11. Since you do know his name

Most states have records of court cases online from the last 10 years. Even if he went to court for a speeding ticket, it will be there. These sometimes list addresses or at least city.
There are online white pages. I think that they will list everyone with that name in a given state.
Just some ideas for easy online searches that you can due without too much effort or getting other people involved.

[Not_Giving_Up]

15. I've tried the online White Pages

ad nauseum. No luck.

Is Texas one of those states? I haven't been able to find squat.

[ikojo]

19. It sounds like he did something that brought shame

upon the family....could he have been sentenced to prison? If so many states have an online directory that lists convicts names. I know Texas has something for death row inmates.

[Not_Giving_Up]

23. My cousin once told me that

My grandparents disowned him after he left me and my mom. My aunt (his sister) told me that he was the nicest person, would give you the shirt off of his back.

Very fucking confusing!

I know that my mom is not a mentally stable person (but she's FINE!), her parents hated him, and that he had just come back from Vietnam when he met her.

I'm thinking the marriage was pretty much doomed, no matter what.

[crispini]

12. PublicData.com is not very expensive

and you can search lots of public records that way.

Also if you have some ideas about cities / counties that he might be living in, a lot of the major metropolitan areas have their central appraisal district information online. That's a public record too, so if he owns a house and you have some guesses as to likely counties, it'd be free and worth some internet time. google "countyname" + appraisal district.

[Not_Giving_Up]

13. The thing is

I really have NO IDEA where he might be at this point. We're talking about 20 years here. Each search might be cheap, but if I have to do it by location, I'd go broke!

[n2mark]

14. Do you have his SSN?

[Not_Giving_Up]

16. No

I wish I did! When I was in 7th or 8th grade, the safe in my mom and step-dad's cloest was left open. The divorce papers were there, and I combed through them...No SSN, divorce on grounds of abandonment.

[crispini]

17. Well, it's ten cents a search.

That's not too bad eh? if you did every state, that'd be 5.00, right? and publicdata.com doesn't even have all 50 states available.

[Not_Giving_Up]

18. Not bad at all

Of course, I'll be needing a flipping credit card!

[ikojo]

21. If you have a debit card with the master card or visa

logo, it works the same as a credit card. Be warned, however, that you don't have the protections of a credit card when using a debit card.

[Not_Giving_Up]

24. No debit card

No bank account. The lump on my couch has a card, but refuses to let me use it for this. He thinks I should just forget it.

[crispini]

22. True, true.

You could always get a secured one? that's a good way to rebuild credit too, if you have credit issues? seems like these days buying most everything on the internet requires a credit card.

[Not_Giving_Up]

25. Yeah, credit issues

Well, I don't have bad credit anymore, I just have no credit. I applied for a card, waiting for an answer.

[n2mark]

26. I'm also looking for a long lost brother

I understand your frustration. If only I had his SSN I wouldn't have a problem. Every place I try requires a SSN. He was in the military at one time, but they also require a SSN.

At one time my brother was in trouble with the law for fighting, but they won't help me either. I think he is dead, but have no idea where he is buried.

[sundog]

27. in brief

My biological mother had to give me up as a baby. My biological father was from Eastern Europe & left the country before I was born.

I tried finding my mother, but records were very poorly kept back in 71. I tried to search through the agency, but they couldn't find her.

I really wish you luck. :hi:

[Not_Giving_Up]

28. Well, I have a name

And I know the names of his parents and siblings. The big thing i'm missing is a SSN...argh!

[never cry wolf]

29. I may be able to help

Years ago I bought a program called Net Detective. Subsequently they went online, instead of maintaining their own specialty browser, and since I purchased the original program, I am now a subscriber. They have made some recent changes and I can't really say it is all that great, but there are alot of resources you can try.

www.netdetective.com

Go to the bottom of that page where it says member login and i'll PM you my user name and pwd.

Like I said, it's not all that great, and of course they want money for some more in depth searches, but explore and see if there's anything useful.

I wish you luck!