The terrifying truth about Saint Patrick (Landover Baptist)

[ComerPerro]

From . For those unfamiliar with Landover Baptist, its a parody site. Check out their mission statement.

The Terrifying Truth about Saint Patrick!


The lights in the church were dimmed and a ferociously bright green spotlight scanned over the crowd of unsuspecting youngsters huddled together in front of the congregation. The men's choir began to hum in a steady drone, like Catholic monks stirring a cauldron of boiling saint relics as the children moved closer together, casting pleading glances at teachers who used medium-voltage stun guns to herd the timid tots onto the sculptured shag carpet steps leading up to the church's 18-karat rose gold altar and tidal baptism pool.

<<<>>>

...an ominous voice bellowed at the children, many of whom were warily picking pieces of equine innards from their blood spattered clothing and hair. "I AM SAINT PATRICK!" yelled the heavily amplified voice of Pastor Deacon Fred as he sprang out of the darkness and into the spotlight. "AND I EAT LITTLE CHILDREN!"

<<<>>>

As the stage filled with darting coils of snakes, Pastor lunged toward the terrified children and grabbed 4-year-old, Codie Johnson by the left foot. He bent down so little Codie was dangling between an angry rattlesnake and over Pastor's sharp yellow teeth. "My Catholic priests are hungry!"

[steve2470]

1. Locking countdown.....5....4....3....2.....1......nt

[ComerPerro]

2. ???

[greatauntoftriplets]

3. Your link sends me to this....

http://www.microsoft.com/

[ComerPerro]

5. Yeah. My bad. I fixed it

[greatauntoftriplets]

6. Thanks.

LOL.

[xmas74]

4. WTF!