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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 12:58 AM
Original message
Learn How to Give Perfect Oral Sex
Edited on Wed Oct-15-03 01:01 AM by Booberdawg
I usually just delete this shit without reading it. Usually this spam mail is about Viagra, offers to increase the size or girth of penis, or a rare bust builder. Usually it's something for a penis though, which I have no use for.

This is a new one I have not seen. The title was Learn How to Give and it was from Simon. I don't know anyone named Simon so I knew it was sex spam before I opened it. I'm not including the order info or website in this post. There is a loooong disclaimer included at the end of the email, I provided an interesting portion of it at the end.



*** PERFECT Oral Sex Techniques REVEALED!! ***

----------------------------------------------------------------

STEP-BY-STEP Instructions for Giving PERFECT Oral Sex to Women

- AND -

STEP-BY-STEP Instructions for Giving PERFECT Oral Sex to Men

----------------------------------------------------------------

THAT'S RIGHT!! ITS FINALLY HERE.... ALL THE THINGS YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO KNOW FOR ONLY $9.99!!

Why settle for "Gee that was nice. Thanks." when you could hear, "UNBELIEVABLE!!! That was the BEST thing I have EVER felt in my WHOLE LIFE!!!! How did you DO that???!!!!"

You might think you know what you're doing down there, but how would you like to know EXACTLY what to do to give your lover the BEST oral sex of his or her life???

We realize this is a sensitive topic and we have taken expert techniques and explained them in a very straight-forward and easy-to-understand way. The text is not vulgar nor is it pornographic - and NO, there are no dirty pictures.

This is high-quality - truly educational - material spelling out "Step-By-Step" the processes to SUBSTANTIALLY enhance the experience of Giving and Receiving oral sex.

There are 7 Pages of detailed Techniques, Tips and Great Moves for Giving Oral Sex to Men and there are 10 pages of Fabulous Techniques, Tricks, Tips and REALLY important Rules for Giving Oral Sex to Women!

Your partner is going to go ABSOLUTELY WILD !!!

We know it's a sensitive thing to talk about and order. Discrete delivery is guaranteed. You can download both Guides to Oral Sex (men and women) in one single file with the discrete file name "Instructions".


Usually we offer EACH guide to Perfect Oral Sex for $14.99, BUT for the next 48 hours we are offering:


**** BOTH for ONLY $ 9.99 ****


If you order within the next 48 hours YOU SAVE almost $20.00 !!!!

But you have to hurry.

Because of the subject matter, you must be over the age of 18 to order.

HOW DO I ORDER??

<snip out ordering info and website>

<snip of last portion of disclaimer>

THIS MATERIAL DOES NOT ENCOURAGE NOR CONDONE THE PRACTICE OF SODOMY IN ANY COUNTRY STATE OR TERRITORY IN WHICH SUCH PRACTICE IS PROHIBITED BY LAW. ACCORDINGLY THIS MESSAGE IS NOT INTENDED FOR THE INHABITANTS OF ANY REGION WHERE SODOMY IS PROHIBITED BY LAW, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: AFGHANISTAN, ALGERIA, ANGOLA, BAHRAIN, BANGLADESH, BARBADOS, BENIN, BHUTAN, BRUNEI, BURMA/MYANMAR, CAMERON, CAPE VERDE, DJIBOUTI, ETHIOPIA, GUINEA, INDIA, IRAN, KUWAIT, LEBANON, LIBERIA, LIBYA, MALAWI, MALAYSIA, MAURITANIA, MAURITIUS, MOROCCO, NEPAL, NICARAGUA, OMAN, PAKISTAN, PUERTO RICO (USA), QATAR, SAINT LUCIA, SAUDI ARABIA, SENEGAL, SINGAPORE, SOMALIA, SUDAN, SWAZILAND, SYRIA, TOGO, TRINIDAD AND TOBAGO, TUNISIA, UNITED ARAB EMIRATES, WESTERN SAMOA, YEMEN, AND US STATES INCLUDING ALABAMA, FLORIDA, IDAHO, KANSAS, LOUISIANA, MICHIGAN, MISSISSIPPI, , MISSOURI, NORTH CAROLINA, OKLAHOMA, PUERTO RICO, SOUTH CAROLINA, TEXAS, UTAH, AND VIRGINIA. SCREENING OF ADDRESSES TO AVOID SENDING THIS E-M.

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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:05 AM
Response to Original message
1. Bwahahahahah.....don't need ANY lessons....
Edited on Wed Oct-15-03 01:16 AM by jus_the_facts
....already got it *DOWN*...AND....breakin' the LAW...BREAKIN' THE LAW!:evilgrin:
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Friar Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:09 AM
Response to Reply #1
4. if you're not a woman
I'll have to take a shower...

:silly:
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:22 AM
Response to Reply #4
7. I am a woman.....
....and thank jeebus we can edit subject lines now as that particular phrase didn't quite fit in this context to well did it!! :silly:
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:06 AM
Response to Original message
2. oh goody!
you got my email!
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:15 AM
Response to Reply #2
5. Oh was that from you Dookus! You bastard!!
Quit sending me messages on how to stretch my penis!! I don't HAVE a penis!

Where's that Alfalfa stuff for enhancing orgasms I ordered?? I'll never order anything from you again!!
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:25 AM
Response to Reply #5
8. well...
first you need my special "Grow-a-Prick" patented unguent*.

Then you can stretch it into a throbbing, quivering shaft of meaty man-flesh**.

Call my 800 number NOW!








* not guaranteed to form an actual penis.

** not guaranteed to enlarge an actual penis. May cause constipation, clitoral irritation, anal leakage and toe warts.
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jus_the_facts Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:29 AM
Original message
Oh my Gawd......that's hilarious!!!!!
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:05 AM
Response to Reply #8
10. Oh, you men and penis envy
The ONE and ONLY time I have EVER had penis envy was when I was out in the middle of a lake in a boat and had to pee - really bad.

Here's what I think of your "Grow-a-Prick"
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:07 AM
Response to Reply #10
11. I don't get it...
what do women play with when their hands are in their pockets?
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:19 AM
Response to Reply #11
13. I know it's hard for men to believe
but women don't feel cocky when hands in pocket.
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:24 AM
Response to Reply #13
14. you really ARE
a separate species.
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:47 AM
Response to Reply #14
21. Yessssss!!!
Now you're catching on!!!
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 09:00 PM
Response to Reply #2
29. Okay Dookus! Take me off the phone list too!!
And knock off the hang up calls!!! That's three so far tonight, asshole!!
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HEyHEY Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:08 AM
Response to Original message
3. I'd love to see their sales figures
I mean that
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:22 AM
Response to Reply #3
6. I checked the website
No sales figures provided. No info on company provided for that matter. Just advertisement.
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SOteric Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:29 AM
Response to Original message
9. I'm not too sure about their lesson plans,
but I'm sure they've no trouble lining up volunteers for their lab experiments.
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:17 AM
Response to Reply #9
12. Here's the Lesson Plan
Edited on Wed Oct-15-03 02:17 AM by Booberdawg
according to the website:

The Top 10 Rules

The Techniques

The Mood and the Approach

The mindset of Desire

Great Tongue Positions

Special Moves

All about Variety

How to Breathe Correctly

How to Rest without Cooling Down

How to Find the Hottest Spots

How to Stimulate the Hottest Spots

The G-Spot Orgasm

The Grande Finale

Important Tips for Men and Women



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Ellen Forradalom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:30 AM
Response to Reply #12
15. Anything about the gag reflex?
Such a nuisance.
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:43 AM
Response to Reply #15
18. Just spit instead of swallow
That should help. :D
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:46 AM
Response to Reply #18
20. I disagree...
n/t
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:47 AM
Response to Reply #20
22. You gag even if you spit??
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Dookus Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 03:08 AM
Response to Reply #22
23. I do neither...
and we've now crossed into the TMI area...
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 03:11 AM
Response to Reply #23
25. And I thank you
for your well considered restraint! :o
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5thGenDemocrat Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:33 AM
Response to Reply #12
16. Important Tips for Men and Women
Well, I don't know how important the tip is for women, but mine is DAMNED important to me.
John
You could even say I'm attached to it.
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Maine Mary Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:37 AM
Response to Original message
17. I bet this is the best clicked on thread in the Lounge
;-)
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 02:45 AM
Response to Reply #17
19. LOL! Perfectly innocent on my part!!
:evilgrin:
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oneighty Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 01:38 PM
Response to Reply #17
28. Not me Maine Mary
I would never ever click into an oral sex thread.

180
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VOX Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 03:09 AM
Response to Original message
24. Except for Michigan, all the prohibited states went for * in 2000...
another *big* difference Democrats and Repugs!

:kick:
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 06:52 AM
Response to Reply #24
26. I think the USSC Texas case made those laws moot though, didn't it?
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Booberdawg Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 12:48 PM
Response to Original message
27. kick
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Fight_n_back Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Oct-15-03 09:07 PM
Response to Original message
30. I really thought this thread
was going to be more interactive.
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