Actual Writings on Hospital Charts by Doctors

[CO Liberal]

ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

[LynneSin]

1. YEAH - I get to use a new smilie

:spray:

[bertha katzenengel]

2. heard this about a program that translates spoken word to text

The doctor dictated, "The patient was shunted and is resting comfortably."

The program printed, "The patient was shot dead and is resting comfortably."

:shrug:

[CO Liberal]

7. Have You Finished With the Name Changes?

I'm having trouble keeping track of you.

:-)

[bertha katzenengel]

8. oh, god, i hope so

:bounce:

[Misunderestimator]

3. Oh, those are good! The unintentionally funny ones, but mainly

the scary ones like "18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid." ummm... Doctor?

Cute list! :thumbsup:

[CO Liberal]

4. Thanks

I collect things like that on my hard drive that I get through e-mail. When I see the need, I post them here in the Lounge.

[zanne]

5. I love it!

I always wondered what those doctors were scribbling!

[demnan]

6. My Favorite

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.