http://www.humorgazette.com/blog/?postid=142March 30, 2005
Burger King intervenes in Schiavo case
By John Breneman
A Florida man has been arrested for trying to bring Terri Schiavo an Enormous Omelet Sandwich, the controversial new 730-calorie breakfast gut-buster from Burger King. The man, later identified as Dagwood Bumstead, was blocked by a police officer, who clubbed him to the ground and then consumed the massive blob of food.
The new sandwich, which has drawn criticism from health advocates, contains half a dozen eggs*, a brick of melted cheese*, and two or three pounds of steak*, bacon*, sausage* and hog jowl*, all served on a tasty bread-like bun.
A spokesman for the family pleaded with authorities to allow Schiavo to have the sandwich, saying she had once confided that if she ever went into a vegetative state for 15 years AND a fast-food chain introduced a new product containing more than two pounds of meat* and/or 400 milligrams of cholesterol that she would want to try it.
House Majority Leader Tom DeLay urged Congress to enact legislation giving federal courts jurisdiction over fast-food, right-to-die cases and President Bush was awakened from his afternoon nap to be ready to sign the bill into law.
* Product may contain up to 92 percent lard, wombat feces, pus and pus by-products, partially hydrogenated cornhole oil and/or human flesh.
* Also contains chicken beaks, e. coli, red dye #2, uranium yellow cake, monosodium gluttonate and high fructose ass droppings.
* Not available in Ethiopia or The Sudan.
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