How many..... jokes!

[Guy Fawkes]

I'll start:

How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Just one- but the lightbulb has to want to change.

[_TJ_]

1. How many Irishmen...

does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

four -- One to hold the bulb, three others to drink until the
room is going around and around and around....

[bridgit]

2. irish gas station...

Taking a wee break from the golf course, Tiger Woods drives his new Mercedes into an Irish gas station.

An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is...

"Top o' the mornin to ya".

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

"So what are those things, laddie?" asks the attendant.

"They're called tees," replies Tiger.

"And what would ya be usin 'em for, now?" inquires the Irishman.

"Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger.

"Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaims the Irish attendant. "Those fellas at Mercedes think of everything."

[Guy Fawkes]

3. awesome.

[unsavedtrash]

4. lol

:applause: :rofl:

[Guy Fawkes]

5. Welcome to DU!

[unsavedtrash]

7. Thanks

I love it here.

[bridgit]

8. indeed so, welcome...

:toast:

[_TJ_]

9. Welcome to DU !

:hi: :beer:

[_TJ_]

6. What did St. Patrick say...

...when he drove the snakes out of Ireland? "Are you alright
in the back there lads."

[B Calm]

10. grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair

A young man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his
grandfather sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.

"Grandpa, what are you doing? You're weenie is out in the wind for
everyone to see!" he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering.

"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on
below the waist?" he asked again.

The old man slowly looked at him and said, "Well...last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.."

[B Calm]

11. What happens when Republicans take Viagra?

Their heads get taller..

[_TJ_]

12. What do you call a fat goth?

Vampire the buffet slayer

[B Calm]

13. Boss & his Secretary

Boss & his Secretary

The boss stood up to leave his secretary’s office. She says, your barracks door is open. He turns red and zips up his fly. After returning to his office, he thinks to himself, every damn time I see her, she has some smart ass remark to embarrass me. So after a little thought he marches back into her office. He says, just a little bit ago when you noticed my barracks door was open, did you notice the little soldier standing at attention?

She replies, oh hell no, the only thing I seen was a disabled veteran sitting on two duffle bags.

[gizmo1979]

14. No more jokes for you !