things I have learned the hard way... (add your own)

[fluffernutter]

don't ride a bike while holding 2 gallons of milk

credit card debt is MUCH easier to build up than to pay off

permanent markers and children are never a good combo

do not take more than one dose of NyQuil per night

never pee in a parking lot, even if it is pitch dark out, if there could possibly be a cop car amongst the other vehicles

[short bus president]

1. the hot wire is ALWAYS on

yeah, you CAN get arrested for that

VapoRub, though it contains petroleum jelly, is not intended for "personal lubrication."

[Bouncy Ball]

10. Your last one:

LMAO

[fluffernutter]

14. snort!

thanks for sharing, babe ;) good one.

[Tyler Durden]

52. I knew a woman who LOVED "Bengay" as a lube....

Needless to say, that was some TERRIBLY INTERESTING sex.

Hooah.

[fluffernutter]

53. yikes!

:scared:

[Redstone]

2. Don't ride the skid!

Redstone

[bearfan454]

3. Don't fuck around with Williamson County

at all.

[datasuspect]

4. err on the side of using too much lube

[qnr]

5. Never upend a bag of Salt & Vinegarpotato chips to get the crumbs n/t

[Midnight Rambler]

6. Don't mix hallucinogenics

:silly:

[datasuspect]

7. don't tug on superman's cape

don't piss on an electric fence

stay away from the water . . .

[mongo]

8. A customer just learned

that a $30.00 blow up doll is just a piece of plastic. Like a poncho is how he described it.

What the hell did he expect? Most people buy them as gag gifts.

I feel bad, he only was out of the store for 5 mins. But I never take a toy back once it leaves the store. We test everything that takes batteries - and give the batteries away for free.

[Book Lover]

55. ROTFLMAO!!!

What was he thinking?! Oh, I'm dyin'....

[Bouncy Ball]

9. I would amend your first one to read:

Don't ride a bike while holding ONE gallon of milk. Much harder. No balance.

[fluffernutter]

16. hmm, good point, but alas, i must disagree.

at least with only one gallon, you can hold the handlebars ;)

[tuvor]

11. Never force a fart.

Just trust me.

[fluffernutter]

17. lol!

[WindRavenX]

12. You can't love someone's mental disorder away

No matter how much you love him...:cry: :cry:

[fluffernutter]

22. ...

:hug:

[Bok_Tukalo]

13. No matter how tempting it is

DON'T push the shiny red button.

[SarahB]

15. When someone says...

"Slowdown, this is strong." Then do it.

[da_chimperor]

18. Running with scissors IS a bad idea. Don't tempt fate.

:P

[JimmyJazz]

19. Don't tug on Superman's cape, don't spit into the wind...

Don't pull the mask off of the Lone Ranger and.....

Don't mess around with Jim (although I admit that I have done this in the past) :D

[fluffernutter]

21. i'm sure you have

but was it THE Jim?

[JimmyJazz]

26. Erm - who is THE Jim?

:shrug:

[progmom]

32. Also apparently Bad Bad Leroy Brown is one not to be messed with

:shrug:


Did you also mess around with him?

[Swede]

20. Never give the cops any lip.

People lie.

[teach1st]

23. Don't mix sloppy joes...

...and tuna melt sandwiches. Ever.

[Gannon Man Date]

24. When drinking moonshine from a mason jar

close your eyes.

[fluffernutter]

25. you can't drink champagne out of the bottle.

[opiate69]

27. Your credit score is much easier to screw up than to fix.

[fluffernutter]

28. it's not a good idea to hookeydoo behind a car

on a skateboard going downhill.

don't try to "surf" on the hood of a car

[progmom]

29. you learned this first hand?

yikes

[Guy Fawkes]

30. Don't drink home made root beer...

Don't touch turned on spotlights.
Don't ride in the trunk of a car with an unsheathed sword.
Don't make friends with people who would have you ride in the trunk of their car with an unsheathed sword.
Price does not dictate how good or bad a cigar is.

[Turn CO Blue]

31. Always, always go to the restroom before driving home from work.

Never, never eat a chili-cheese footlong hotdog with jalapenos for a late dinner. Ever.

Always apply sunscreen before taking a little nap at the beach.

Take your own water bottles to Disney.

Take your planned budget for Disney...double it.

Immediately cash out of the slot machine after a substantial "win".

Measure twice, cut once.

Don't use liquid dishwashing soap in the washing machine.

Don't eat the snowcones sold in Mexico. Ouch.

--------
More serious:

Adults who strike you as "immature" upon first impression, will NOT become more mature or reliable upon closer acquaintance.

People with anger management problems will NOT "mellow" much over time.

[crispini]

33. Hee

"don't use liquid dishwashing soap in the washing machine." yeah, learned THAT the hard way in my first apartment.

Soap's soap, right? nope!

[Turn CO Blue]

35. And it won't work in the dishwasher either - the hubby did that one

Lots of foam sudsing up all over the kitchen floor.

[Red State Rebel]

34. 1 pint of Sloe Gin in 1 16 oz. glass with Nacho Chs. Doritos doesn't mix

I was talking on the big white telephone alllllll night - haven't had Doritos in almost 30 years.

[Ellen Forradalom]

36. Don't take a piss

immediately after throwing a pinch of cayenne in the chili.

Actually, I didn't learn that the hard way, I heard my ex-husband learn that the hard way.

[mykpart]

37. Hard boiled eggs and baked potatoes will both explode when overcooked

long enough.

Don't try on swimsuits when you're wearing knee-highs.

[Tikki]

38. At least once a year...have a jeweler check....

the prongs on your rings and other jewelry for damage and for loose gems and stones.

Tikki

[mark414]

39. don't pee on the electric fence

[WMliberal]

40. The best way to get flour out of your hair isn't a quick rinse.

Delete your cookies AND history after looking at porn.

[luvLLB]

63. LOL

[the Princess]

41. Sometimes

Love just isn't enough.

[politicat]

42. Open the box & read instructions BEFORE you buy DIY furniture.

If it appears to be in Swahili, Tagalog, Cretean, Albanian and/or Cherokee, and you don't read any of those, DON'T BUY IT. You can't return it once you get started putting it together.

A Test-drive of a used car must be at least 30 miles, from a cold start, in several types of traffic.

[southlandshari]

43. Don't fight with fluffernutter on red state/blue state threads

unless you are ready to extend an olive branch before the shoutin's done!

:hi:

Hi, old friend!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

44. If you don't like his parents, think twice about him.......

In fact, think many times.

[BlueIris]

46. Or just run. FAR AWAY.

[Lisabtrucking]

45. never stick your tongue on a frozen fence in the dead of winter.

did that when I was 10, tore the top of my tongue off. shocking realizing your tong is stuck to a fence, instant reaction is to pull the skin off the tongue. Ouch!

[fluffernutter]

50. my brother did that - he stayed there tho...

until we got some hot water to wash over it so he could pull it off. he was screaming his ever-lovin head off!

[Sentath]

47. Don't get the good toys out

unless you really do want them broken.

Frieds and finances don't mix well.

There are none so blind as those who refuse to see. ):

[Schema Thing]

48. Strattera may be a little blue pill

but it may also be the AntiViagra. Ah well, I was priapic, maybe I can actually focus on getting some work done now.

:P

[The Animator]

49. Never ask yourself "How could it get any worse?"

Never be caught outside in Flordia, in the Summer, after 3:00 pm.

Never drive any where in Orlando between the hours of 7:00-9:00am and 4:00-7:00pm

Never work at Disney, ever.

Never say anything to my roomate that could ever possibly be twisted to have a sexual conotation.

Never ask someone you care about if there is a chance that you could be more than just a friend, if your not prepared to hear her say no.

Never admit how sloppy you are when filling out a roomate matching form at a college apartment complex, they will put you with three other people who are five times sloppier than you are. Your place will never be clean.

Never stay up late on a message board if you have to get up early to work the next day... (damn too late) guess I still haven't learned that one.

Never tell your girlfriend the truth when she asks you how many other girls you've been with.

Never leave your porn in the VCR, or on the Windows Media Player recently played file list.

Never back down from an argument with a Freeper, or Religious nut, you have just as much right to voice your opinion as they do.

Never let them make you feel "wrong" or "bad" just because you present a veiwpoint that contradicts their beleifs.

Never believe anything you hear on Fox, or anything out of the White House Press Room.

Never get started on a list of things you learned the hard way if you've learned alot of things the hard way.

Never give a caffiene addict Cuban Coffee.

Good Night All.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

51. Don't forget you left the hot soldering iron on the table

OW my hand.

[fluffernutter]

54. don't hold the curling iron too close to your neck.

unless you dig that hickey look.

[Book Lover]

56. We need to make this a book

"Things I learned While Not Working on DU"

[fluffernutter]

57. lol, i love it!

:thumbsup:

[Zuni]

58. "Mad Dog" might taste good at first, but it is not for Human consumption

[Mari333]

59. Dont take the people you love for granted

in fact dont take anything for granted. It can all be lost in a split second.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

62. ......

:hug::hug::hug:

[Freebird12004]

60. Don't drink too much Tequila and eat meatloaf

after receiving an "It's over" email ! :banghead:

[dean_dem]

61. Don't touch an exhaust pipe just after you shut the car off.

Ow.

[DS1]

64. Estes rocket engines are best when used as directed..

When crashing parties attended by Marines, talk about guns, not chess.

Women don't like the term "pussed-out" as indication of lack of followthrough.

Don't slam on the brakes while taking a car through its maximum lateral G rating, after a short rain, at night, anywhere near a ditch.

Never shave drunk.

Don't post pictures of people who told you not to post pictures of them.

Animation always takes twice as long as you think it will.

The last 10% is the most difficult half.

[CottonBear]

65. Don't wear tennis shoes around horses.

Don't touch an electric fence while holding the metal handle of a frost proof water hydrant.

Don't try to run while wearing clogs.