Papal elections still use paper ballots

[tjwmason]

Surely it would make sense to call in Diebold to update the system.

It couldn't be too difficult to stick a few electronic machines in the Sistine Chapel. Perhaps they could borrow them, there are afterall lots in the U.S. not being used at the moment - and we all know that they are in full working order.

[VelmaD]

1. Too. Damn. Funny.

Congratulations...this is officially the 2nd thread I've ever nimonated for the greatest page. :)

[tjwmason]

3. Aww shucks thank you

Shuffles and looks at feet :blush:

[muriel_volestrangler]

2. Yeah, but when I set fire to my computer

I always get thick black smoke. How would we know when the voting is over?

[BiggJawn]

4. Exactly. Can't get white smoke out of them...

Not even when playing Jenna Jameson clips.

[MrBenchley]

5. By the way...

By canon law, the Vatican will determine that the Pope IS dead by hitting him in the head with a silver hammer and asking him if he's dead yet. If they do it three times in a row without getting an answer...arrividerci.

[tjwmason]

6. Could this be introduced for presidents

It would have to be amended slightly, the whole egalitarian nature of America means that the silver hammer should be dropped and replaced with an iron one, and to prove that America's bigger and better than everybody else make it a very big heavy hammer.

You get to hit dubya three times with said hammer, and then ask if he's dead.

[MrBenchley]

7. I want to perform the test....

By the way, the wonderful tbogg has a list of candidates for the next Pope...

"This weekend is one of the biggest gambling weekends of the year in the United States with the NCAA tournament racing towards its exciting conclusion. Yeah, whatever. But that is nothing when you consider the billions of dollars bet worldwide in office PopePools™ where some lucky stiff is going to pick up for serious cash because he filled his Faithful Four bracket with the likes of Cardinal Dionigi Tettamanzi, Cardinal Oscar Andres Rodriguez Maradiaga, Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, and Cinderella story finalist Cardinal Albert Pujols."

http://tbogg.blogspot.com/2005/04/mars-vatican-needs-women-more-priests.html

Be sure and click through the links, and notice that the AP's religious correspondent lists "more non-white Catholics" as a negative.

[IronLionZion]

12. The faith is growing in non-white countries

and shrinking in the west, especially the US.

The church in America is probably the most political and extreme. Too many top clergy in the US are solid pro-death, anti-poor, anti-elderly Republicans. Their support for Bush and Santorum is just unconscionable. That's why I considered leaving the church. It's nice to know that other church leaders around the world still care about people.

And we'll never see an American Pope for the same reason we'll never see one lead the UN: we're the world's only superpower.

[MrBenchley]

17. And the AP thinks it's a negative

implying faith really only ought to belong to white folks...

[Pirate Smile]

11. LOL - that cracked me up the first time they said it on MSNBC and

it still makes me laugh even though I have been getting rather teary-eyed over the last day or two.

Did you see this prank posted in a thread yesterday (see link below)?

"I was listening to a local Dallas sports station where they played this hilarious audio from the Dr. Laura show...wish I had the audio.

It went something like this (paraphrased):

Dr. Laura welcomes a caller who wants to ask her for some moral advise. The caller sounded very sincere and intelligent and began by saying that he was rather embarrassed about this moral dilema...DL said to go ahead. He proceeded to tell her that he and some friends at work had made a bet on what day Terry Schiavo would die, that he had won a lot of money, felt guilty and wanted to know what would be the right thing to do with the money (like, give it to charity or something like that).

DL, obviously disgusted, tells him that this was very wrong in the first place and that he should give all the money back to the people who were in on the bet and tell each one that what they did was wrong.

Seamlessly the caller asked her if she's sure that would be the best thing to do and that he's wondering because now he's got money down on the pope.

DL quickly hung up on him and said something like: Well, this is obviously a prank phone call and that some people are just disgusting, immoral, blah, blah, blah.

I was literally in tears laughing..."

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=104&topic_id=3403880

[MrBenchley]

18. That's VERY funny....

and couldn't happen to a nicer person than Dr. Laura...

[MADem]

15. They also must call out his given name, KAROL Wojtyla, each time

It is three symbolic taps, actually--they don't bash the poor guy.

[davsand]

8. Oh great--electronic voting in the Vatican? Jeb wants to be Pope?

Oh wait--maybe it is NEIL that wants to be Pope. Better call in both Diebold AND some of Daddy's old buddies from his CIA black ops days! This could take some work...


Laura

[Nikia]

9. It is because there aren't as many to count

My manager voted for president by paper ballot too in his small village.

[Ellen Forradalom]

10. Wouldn't they suspect something when Bush ends up as Pope?

[Generic Guy]

13. We had better watch the exit polls carefully and,

make sure they match the final results. :)

[Biology]

14. don't they burn the ballots afterward(?)

[MADem]

16. They do

And they don't reveal their votes afterward. Once the choice is made, and the chosen one accepts (he does not have to, BTW--he goes in to a room to pray and cry over it, and comes out to let them know) then they go out and holler WE HAVE A POPE--Habemus Papam! And then, out comes the new guy...