My hints and tips for raising teenagers...

[Red State Rebel]

We have 4 younguns - the youngest (age 23) is getting her Masters in Social Work (Magna Cum Laude - St. Louis University and yes I'm bragging!) on May 14 and getting married May 21. If I survive these 2 weeks, it WILL be a miracle!

My job is DONE. Tho they are always your children, all of mine are now out of the house and currently self supporting. All four were sent off to college from high school, not all chose to finish.

Things I learned in the previous years...

Singing Somewhere Over The Rainbow, off key, very loudly next to a teenager on the phone gets them to hang up faster than nagging.

Being home when they get home from school every day does help. (I know not everyone is able to do this - I thank God I was.)

Set the bar high enough that they have to push themselves but low enough that they won't give up in frustration. I found in parenting and volunteering at our high school that the more you expect of teenagers, the more you will get. This goes for the smart ones too. My son struggled at first in Engineering school because he had never had to study in high school. I should have made sure his teachers were giving him more work that made him have to study.

Live your life as an example to them. Teenagers don't buy "do as I say, not as I do. I watched both of my sisters have problems with this.

When their heart is broken in first attempts at love, the best thing you can do is hold them and let them cry. It's not a good time for unwanted advice and "I told you so's". I remember sitting in the floor of my sons bedroom holding him as we both cried over his first heartbreak. (age 18) Nothing hurts you more than your child in pain.

Don't be afraid to say NO. Don't be afraid to ask for outside help if you need it. Sometimes tough love is the best love no matter how hard it is for you. (I cannot emphasize this one enough!)

Last but not least - something our Pastor has said often - Dad - the best thing you can do for your children is love their Mother - Moms - the same goes for you.

[Joe Power]

1. Great post.

My oldest is just beginning his teen "journey." I have to keep reminding myself that I was an even bigger jerk than he is. ;)

[Corgigal]

2. wonderful

what's your address? I need to ship my soon to be 15 year old red head daughter to you. She's on the fence and could either be a congresswoman or a hip hop artist.

Send me a postcard to let me know how it turned out.

Thanks.

[Red State Rebel]

3. I feel your pain....oh do I feel your pain!

Just remember, they will NEVER admit it, but they want boundaries and rules. Kids that know how far they can push before they are stopped feel secure. That was the hardest thing I dealth with with one daughter. She would push every boundary as far as she could and then some.

[Corgigal]

4. Yep true

No, she's my best buddy. The most like me actually. Like me, she'll end up fine. I tell her, your job is to smile , hug me and lie then my job is find out the truth anyway. This kid always get caught. Daddy was a former cop and I worked for the same agency so she's not as slick as she thinks. When I'm well rested she's pretty enjoyable.

I will share a story of what she told a girl in her class just last week. A female classmate, who has a big behind, was asking my daughter what she can do to get her bust larger. My daughter said, get some toilet paper and rub between your breast. The girl said what would that do? Daughter said I don't know but it sure worked on your ass.
Well I thought it was funny and told her, well at least we have your bond money when you need it.

I just hope she one day gets a red headed baby girl. I will laugh until the grave.

[TlalocW]

5. I don't have kids

Nor will I, but let me echo the singing thing and generalize it more as, "If you want a teenager to do what you want, embarrass him or her in public."

It worked great with my nieces when I started moshing around Ambercrombie and Fitch (which had loud rock music playing) when I was tired of waiting for them to buy overpriced clothes.

It had the added benefit of adding more people to my list of "Family Members Who Won't Go Shopping with Me."

TlalocW

[Red State Rebel]

10. Excellent! Sounds like something I would have done :) n/m

[commander bunnypants]

6. good for the MSW

got mine in 98. Tell her congrads for me

CB

[TNDemo]

7. Agree with everything.

BTDT.

[northzax]

8. you forgot the single two most important words in raising teenagers

"boarding school" gets them out of your hair for the akward years and you get them back all polished and rarin' to go. it's the original outsourcing routine!

[fudge stripe cookays]

9. Wow Red State,

You're a helluva parent!

My mom coulda used some of your expertise.

Congrats on your kids turning out wonderful. I have the greatest admiration for parents who can turn out good kids. I have no desire to go there myself.

FSC