Am I hardcore undateable?

[KG]

haven't had a date in a long time.

like, just last week, i said to a woman, 'you wouldn't want to go out with me would you?' and she answered 'of course not!'

maybe i should just become a monk?

[MrScorpio]

1. Dude, you're going about this all wrong

You should listen to the master

[Jamastiene]

2. Would have to know more about ya to answer that.

I've seen some really rough characters get dates, so I would imagine it's possible unless you are just crass or something with them. I read somewhere where the more women you ask the better your chances are that one will take you up on it. I've heard it works too. Might could try that. I hope no one is "hardcore undateable" unless Laura Bush can still bear children and there is a chance for a George III. That would be one I'd hope WOULDN'T ever be able to breed. We've got enough Bush's around now.

All attempts at humor (to lift your spirits) aside, I'd just say keep your chin up and keep looking. Maybe not that one, but another one...I know it's easier said than done. I wish I could take my own advice sometimes.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

3. well.....

I had a grand total of three dates in my life, all in college. When I started working, NO ONE asked me out, and I really did live a life of isolation. Then one day I found out about the Dances of Universal Peace-they really resonated with me, and I started going to Dance retreats. On my second one, I met my soul-mate--literally love at first sight. We've been together ever since-and that was nearly 16 years ago. So you never know.

[huellewig]

4. I have never had a real date.

You might try to be less ambiguous. If I work with a girl I will see if she wants to grab lunch together. Even if I am at a party I see if they want to go to the park and kill some beers. I just think the dating thing is to formal and adds a lot of pressure. I go with the lets be friends and take it from there method.

P.S. : I am not very attractive and have some luck.

[ghostsofgiants]

5. Maybe JB is just stealin' all the ladies for himself

Ha, couldn't resist making a Tenacious D reference when I read your name.

I also know the feeling. The ladies just don't seem to dig me. But when you're as sleep deprived as I am right now, you don't really care, haha.

[TreasonousBastard]

6. If you ask like that, you are.

[Crankie Avalon]

7. "You wouldn't want to go out with me would you?"

Don't ask like that. You're already putting the idea of rejecting you into her head if it wasn't already there in the first place.

It's true that some types of men are turned on by women with low self-esteem, but virtually no woman is turned on by low self-esteem in a man. Women prefer men who are interesting and whose company, therefore, makes them feel like they must be a little interesting and special, too, for a guy like that to be curious about them. A woman is more likely to believe you have something to offer if you believe it first.

Make yourself more interesting. Read widely, go to museums and other cultural events, and keep up on the news so that you will be able to talk about interesting things you've seen and, even better, done. Have interests. Grown-up ones, not just sports or science fiction movies. Nothing is more uninteresting than someone who cannot carry a diversified conversation.

Keep yourself well-groomed. Women have eyes like lasers for things like dirty, untrimmed fingernails and the like. Wear clean clothes and don't ever wear ugly shoes. Seriously.

I'm sure others will have their tips. Remember, in the real world, you have to believe in your own worth, at least a little, for others to take a chance on getting to know you. It's only in the movies where you see the fantasy of the shlub with no self-esteem somehow magically attracting the dream girl. You have to show a little spirit.

Good luck to you.

[MercutioATC]

8. Agreed. Keep it casual, but positive.

...and specific.

Never use the word "sometime". Use a day. Never use the words "date" or "go out". Be specific.

"Hey, do you want to grab dinner on Friday night?" (yes, I know "grab" is debatable, but it seems to work...keeps things casual)


Unfortunately, my experience has been that 90% of the time it's all about attitude. If you act like you WANT to go to dinner, your chances are dismal. The more casual you sound, the better the response.

[Heidi]

9. We'll need to see a photo in order to adquately evaluate your query.

Just kidding. Actually, if you really want a date instead of a flat "NO!," you shouldn't plant the seed of negativity ("You wouldn't want to go out with me . . .") from the get-go. I'm sure you're far too nice a guy to function successfully as a monk.

[Bouncy Ball]

10. Don't worry.

If my agoraphobic, never even dated a woman uncle can get married for the first time at the age of 52 (HAPPILY married, I might add), you can date, too!

[KG]

11. ya'll think i'm that lame?

sposed to be a copycat thread.

oy. better be more careful next time. :eyes:

[redqueen]

12. heh... I was wondering why people were being so serious.

I didn't think you were that lame. :)