Headlines We'd Like to See, April 6, 2005

[skip fox]

President's Nose Appears to Grow

Rove Wanders WH Lawn in Slippers, Only

(no pictures please!)



Others???

[Arkana]

1. Cheney Found Pissing In Rumsfeld's Corn Flakes

Jenna Bush To Be Wed To Kid Rock

[BikeWriter]

2. Tom DeLay exterminated in tragic bug poison accident.

[DistressedAmerican]

3. Distressed American Survives Until His 33rd Year. Who Would Have Guessed?

[skip fox]

5. Happy Birthday???

:toast:

[callous taoboy]

4. Ravaging Butt Rash Linked to Hum Vee Seat Material

[punpirate]

6. "Pope, At Last, Converses...

... With His God: 'You gotta do something about that asshole, Bush, and quick!'"

[BikeWriter]

7. Bush admits serious errors during first term!

[skip fox]

12. I thought we wanted to try to remain in the realm of the possible?

Very quiet and very nice!

:toast:

[BikeWriter]

16. LOL! I do fantasize sometimes. :-)

[Prisoner_Number_Six]

8. George W. Bush in custody, being transferred to The Hague

Will be charged in International Court with high treason and other crimes against The People Of The United States Of America and The World.

[Arkana]

18. I'd love to write that article

WASHINGTON-President George W. Bush was arrested today after five years of what ICC officials deemed as "crimes against humanity, and especially the people of his country."

Secretary-General Kofi Annan of the United Nations was not available for comment, but he will make a statement on Bush's arrest at approximately 3:32 PM Eastern.

Bush had nothing to say in his defense, except some inane babble that our reporters could not translate into legible English. His wife and First Lady, Laura Bush, has been taken into custody by National Guard troops and placed under surveillance after a group of angry Southerners tore her and the twins to pieces.

"It was pandelirium," said Brandine Jenkins, a member of said group. "I thought we'd be killed or even worse."

Vice President Dick Cheney, who is also wanted for fraud and extortion as well as much of the same war crimes charges, is on the run. He escaped out of a secret tunnel in the Vice President's Mansion that the strike team who was sent to arrest him say was "apparently built for exactly this purpose."

No word yet on the whereabouts of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, but we have just received word that former Vice President Al Gore and former Presidential candidate John Kerry have been appointed pro tempore President and Vice President of the United States by the Senate and House until the crisis is resolved.

If convicted, Bush could serve up to life in the Hague.

[skip fox]

21. WOW!!!! We could start our own newsteam hear at DU with

entire editions we'd love to read.

This is a beautiful example!!

:toast:

[WilmywoodNCparalegal]

9. NYCparalegal and Mr. NYCparalegal win the

largest jackpot in history!!!

and then...

Lottery Winners to Buy Farm for Thousands of Dogs

or...

CNN/ABC/MSNBC/FOX/CBS/NBC to Stop Showing Decaying Body of Pope 24/7

[liberal N proud]

10. Rove Indicted

[skip fox]

11. Barney Humps President's Leg: GW Swoons

:toast:

[CO Liberal]

13. Rush Limbaugh Arrested During Radio Show

Millions of Dittoheads Watch on Ditto-Cam as "Doctor of Democracy" is Led Off in Legirons to Face Drug Charges

[Divameow77]

14. Jenna Bush to have Kid Rock's love child.

[moof]

15. Truth in Broadcasting law passed

Since this includes all mass communication there will no longer be any white house news conferences.

[BikeWriter]

17. Laura Bush ejected from Betty Ford Clinic!

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Rush Limbaugh switches sides. Begs Air America to add him to their lineup

[BreweryYardRat]

20. I'm evil...

Jenna Bush becomes pregnant with Lex Steele's baby, parents disown her.

[skip fox]

22. GW Bush In Drag at Pope's Funeral

yikes!!!!



:toast:

[madinmaryland]

23. "President Gore's Approval Rating at the Highest Level. . .

since capturing Osama Bin Laden" in August 2001 and the round-up of know terrorist plotting against the US later in August 2001. Much of the credit goes to the booming US economy and 36 months of expansion.

[underpants]

24. Bush Backs Off on Social Security, Apologizes for Iraq “Lies,” Admits Past

Cocaine Use
Also admits shirking National Guard duty in annual April Fool's Day Address.

http://www.ironictimes.com/0238-p3.html

[skip fox]

25. President Finishes Second Book Since 2000

:toast:

[HughBeaumont]

26. Mainstream Media Found to Toss GOP Salad Quite Often

Karl Rove Still in Love With his Own Legend

Dick Cheney Says First Words Since 2004 Debates, US Yawns

Paris Hilton Resembles McDonalds French Fry

Poughkeepsie Ant Colony Subject of New Jerry Bruckheimer Film

11-Year-Old Constructs Functional Nuclear Missile Using Legos

[skip fox]

29. The first one's a sleeper. Will only ex-cons get it?

:toast:

[HughBeaumont]

30. I think the term is somewhat mainstream by now.

Don't know HOW, but I hear it in other circles.

:spray:

[BikeWriter]

27. "Laura Bush leaves GWB for Dennis Rodman!"

[BikeWriter]

28. "Deja view? GW Bush vomits in Japanese PM's lap!"

[bif]

31. Yankees Lose!