A question about wedding etiquette....

[chelaque liberal]

My son and his fiance are having their wedding reception at an intimate (read small) 4 star restaurant, so for obvious reasons of expense and space they have had to limit the guest list.

Tonight I have had 2 unsettling interactions. The first was from an old friend of mine, the only non-relative invited from our side of the family. She called to say that she had received her invitation but something must be wrong because her adult children had not received their's yet. My son has only seen her daughter once since they were children, is acquainted with her son but does not socialize with him.

Now, I just opened a very curt email from my brother saying that he just learned that the reception (in the evening) is adult only, and that if his 5 year old isn't welcome he is not coming.

Is it me?

[Richard Steele]

1. Doesnt sound like its YOU (to me) n/t

[yvr girl]

2. It's your party

You get to choose the guest list. If you were inviting half of a couple, you'd be in questionable territory, but you're not obligated to invite anyone's children.

[MrScorpio]

3. You call the shot's, baby

If they can't deal, Well so be it

C'est la vie

[readmylips]

4. Wedding Rule: Obey Bride's Rules...

The bride is in charge of her wedding and invites only the people she wants. Or invite the number of people her parents can afford to pay. Remember someone has to pay for the wedding party. Inviting small children is the same expense as inviting adults. The wedding is being held in an intimate restaurant which means, a small banquet room.

Since you are not in charge of the wedding, don't get in the middle, just refer the complaining people directly to the bride's parents. Stay out of it. That includes, your brother too.

Most people will attend the wedding no matter the rules. Some people will not. That's their problem.

[serryjw]

5. RFLOL! Personally, I would tell them

both that they can come if they are willing to pay! I find this so distasteful or both interactions.
My close friend of 45 years didn't invite me to her daughters wedding and I appreciated it. I have no seen the kid since she was 3 and I really couldn't afford to go.
Another close friend of 45 years was pissed at me because I didn't fly back to LA for her mom's funeral....she was 87!

People are nuts...It's the crazy part of family/friend dynamics. They have no respect for your money. If your brother doesn't understand 'adults only' he can stay home. As for your friend I would explain the truth that they had a budget and not every( they would have liked!!!!) could be invited.

[dflprincess]

6. No, it's not you

Both your friend and your brother should understand that it's not your wedding, it's your son's and his fiance's and it's up to them who gets on the guest list. They shouldn't be putting you on the spot about this at all.

Your friend should know better. So should your brother for that matter. All but one of my family's wedding receptions have allowed small children to attend (and the kids are fun to watch at them), but most of the receptions have been at a KC or American Legion Hall. One of my cousin's receptions was held at his bride's parent's very exclusive country club (where I did enjoy pulling up to the valet parking in my Chevette) and kids were not allowed. There was much gnashing of teeth among some of my relatives about no kids being allowed, but everyone showed, without kids, in the end.

Maybe it's because I don't have any of my own, but I'll never understand people who think their small children should be included in everything.

[Bouncy Ball]

7. I think people need to understand that, for financial reasons,

it is a VERY small reception and yes, it is adults only and if your brother feels he cannot get a babysitter, then you will miss him, but wish him well.

[bettyellen]

8. so many people try to pull this shit. and i have one word for them.

babysitter.

and don't you back down or apologise,
it's they that are being selfish and thoughtless and rude.

[barb162]

9. No Honey, it isn't you

I know this is hard, but TRY to put it out of your mind. Some people are sensitive about their kids in that they don't agree with "adults only" events (maybe they don't want to pay for a babysitter or they think family means little kids automatically all the time)or they have other issues where they may not agree with the limits you understandably need to put in for this event.

This has happened to me too.

[chelaque liberal]

10. Thanks for the feedback. I really needed to bounce

this off of people (and cool off) before I responded to my brother.