To what do you attribute the success of your current relationship?

[NoSheep]

I'm 42 and never "legally" married. Lived with one man 11 years during age 20-31. It ended in friendship, but we had seriously grown our separate ways. I was single a year, then at 32, gave 8 years of my life to a jerk who had no respect for me who I almost married but didn't. Now I have a great relationship(for almost 2 years)IMHO, and I attribute it to maturity to some degree. I've learned a lot about myself and other people. We talk constantly. Have an almost identical world view. He is very smart and respects my intelligence as well. I know which battles to fight and which ones to let go. There are very few of them anyway. I stop and think more before I react. We have differences that are compatible, if that makes any sense.I try to reflect on treating him the way I want to be treated. I try to maintain a sense of humor in sticky situations. I can see us in it together for the "long haul".

Share some of your "secrets" of success in your relationship!

[sexybomber]

1. I would, but...

all the women I have a thing for seem to be taken. And Ithaca girls have the annoying tendency to date idiots and jackasses :(

[NoSheep]

4. I'm sorry to hear that. There are lots of folks who tend to like a

"challenge" over a sane, loving partnership. :shrug:

[shesemsmom]

2. Patince, being a good listener

and nerve pills!!!!!

[pnb]

3. I've learned the most important phrase a man can know...

...Yes dear!

Seriously, I've been married for 5 years and we work, amongst other reasons, because we are friends and because we respect each other. Lots of the little things you can do to make a relationship work are easy when you have respect for the other person.

Our views aren't identical and we have some different interests but I prefer that. We offer each other alternative viewpoints and interests that we wouldn't see otherwise which keeps things very interesting. The LAST thing I'd ever want is a woman who was just like me. Too boring.

[NoSheep]

6. Yes! That's what I meant by having differences that work together.

We have respect for each other so we can appreciate the differences.

[ewagner]

5. On March 7

we observed our 30th Wedding anniversary..

what made the marriage last so long?

Hell if I know.

I don't think there's any big secret. I think it has to do with making "it" work day-by-day and not looking for a way out at every opportunity. We've had rough spots and very troubled times but they all passed with time and, as far as I know, there were never any grudges or recriminations.

One interesting point though....my wife wnet from being a home ec major to a MBA during our marriage...and I do know that she was terribly unhappy until she found her calling in life...we sacrificed for her to go back to school and it took seven long years but she got her MBA and went on to a job that she is actually excited about and anxious to go to every morning. I think the lesson is that people in a realtionship have to be concerned enough about the other person's personal happiness that they have to be able to give them room to grow even if it means sacrificing intimacy and time.

that's about all I know...I won't pretend I'm smart enough to understand all relationships.

[NoSheep]

9. I have recently had to consider moving to another part of the country

so my boyfriend can take a job there that he believes would be quite fulfilling. I'd do that for him. I think he would for me. Besides, it's in Minneapolis, a blue state yeah!!!!

[MrScorpio]

7. I'm always right

Because I always do the right thing

[slackmaster]

8. The fact that there are no other humans in my house

:D

[NoSheep]

10. Us too! Childless by choice. But one very spoiled maltese!

:D

[catmandu57]

11. Well, we're friends for one thing

have been for twenty years now. I like being with her and she me, we're comfortable, we're mature, we have similar interests.
I really can't say how it works, it just feels right, I can't see a life without her in it.

[NoSheep]

12. Made me smile catmandu...now run along to get that plate fixed!!

:spank:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

13. My husband and I will celebrate (yes, truly!) our 40th wedding anniversary

this June. I have watched our marriage evolve over these decades, omigod! I truly think that the basis for a good relationship is, above all, respect. If you don't respect each other, then there is no basis for love. We respect each other; we each bring different things to our marriage. He's the intellectual one, incredibly intelligent, great memory, knows a lot of things, both theoretical and practical. I'm the people-oriented one, outgoing, good people skills normally, also intelligent, but not like him! We each NEED the other! Our deficiencies/strengths complement each other. And we are very aware of this. Bottom line: mutual respect and mutual need make for a terrific marriage for us. We also know when to shut up and when not to...We have fun together; do things together, but like to be separate much of the time. We need each other so much that it's scary...'cause we're getting older and I'm afraid to lose him...that's the only down side to a love like ours...

Good luck to you!





:toast: :toast:

[NoSheep]

18. Thanks and congratulations to you both for having found each other.

:-)

[jobycom]

14. Well, I've found that if I allow her the freedom to

lie, steal, sleep around, beat my children, spend more money on credit cards than we've ever spent on a new car, and lie around watching television while I cook, balance the budget, mow the lawn, clean up the moldy food, cat poop and dirty clothes lying everywhere, she stops being mean to me enough to ignore me, and with my current ego, that's about all I want.

Well, there are other things I want, but I'm 40, so I've got plenty of youth left. And besides, my new neighbor doesn't seem to know I'm alive, so I can't have her, anyway. :-)

[NoSheep]

16. lol!

[jobycom]

25. Sure, I guess

it seems funny when I say it like that! :-)

[forgethell]

Sheer stubbornness.

I had decided to make the marriage work for a lifetime and did what it took.

Which includes admitting it when you screw up.

[TNDemo]

15. We can stand each other.

That's what Carl Reiner's wife said was the secret to her 60 year marriage. She says to marry someone who can stand you. So far we have stood each other for 26 years.

[ScreamingMeemie]

17. He was a "constant" in my life, therefore he knows all my warts and

past history. I met him when we were 12, we dated briefly (year) at 18...went our separate ways (while still sort of knowing what the other was up to), and came back ready to handle each other. Honestly, he's great in bed, he's the only person who never fails to make me laugh, he's tender, he's tough....and most importantly, his family liked me! :hi:

[CornField]

19. The interests we share, we share with a passion. We never begrudge those

interests we do not share.

[ghostsofgiants]

20. Not actually being in one

That usually keeps it nice and consitent in its status I think.

[Magrittes Pipe]

21. Dumb luck?

:shrug:

Maybe it's just the never taking for granted the fact that I'm the luckiest damn person I know.

[fluffernutter]

22. major league chemistry and a deep commitment to each other

having a strong base to build off of, a friendship that ties you through the ups and downs, and a soft spot deep in your soul for the one you love.

[Solly Mack]

23. Mainly his keen sense of survival...exampled by:

his having the sense to remain silent and perfectly still at that pivotal moment in any discussion where a remark of his probably "didn't sit too well"...

He's my best friend...all kidding aside.

We talk about everything though we don't agree on everything and we make each other laugh...it's the laughing together that makes it all worthwhile for me..

[NoSheep]

27. Yep! Knowing when to stay silent is good!

[livetohike]

24. Married 30 years here

Compromise - if that's a "secret". For example, we have moved, so he could have a better job, and we have moved so that I could. I supported him when he went back to school and vice versa.

Most of all, those things that brought us together in the first place are things we still enjoy doing together - hiking, canoeing, camping, watching football, etc.

We've had rough times and great times. It's all part of life :-).

[NoSheep]

26. I like all your comments. What I hoped for this thread is that someone who

has not been fortunate enough to find a good relationship might see what a good one is and what it is like. Or maybe even learn that their's is one they should get out of fast.
I feel very lucky. Best wishes to all the partners and what we go through and to those of us still looking. :hi: :grouphug: Partnership isn't everything, but it helps!

[Beaverhausen]

28. Believe it or not, Dr. Phil's "Relationship Rescue" helped me

There is a lot of good advice in that book. I know people here don't like him but I resurrected a dead relationship with help from that book and I continue to use the advice from it.

I think relationships have a lot to do with compromise. I agree that you have to be friends. My BF and I are best friends. We are also both in our mid-40s and we've been around the block more than a few times.

For now we are happy but I'm not sure what the future holds.

[txaslftist]

29. commitment, constancy, and occasional lying.