OK, the pun's over.

[BikeWriter]

For the ultimate in copy cat threads, let's have some pun!

I told my psychiatrist I kept dreaming about two computer geeks. He told me I was pair o' nerd.

[Worst Username Ever]

1. I had was in love with a girl from a farm, but I failed to a-tractor.

[BikeWriter]

2. A woman went to France on a wine-tasting vacation....

A woman went to France on a wine-tasting vacation. Unfortunately, while in the capital city, she drank too much, fell from her hotel window and ended up in a body cast.
When she got home, she swore never to get plastered in Paris again.

[Worst Username Ever]

5. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West.

I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

[chickenscratching]

3. after pissing on my neighbor he screamed: 'urine trouble now!'

:)
on edit: thanks to- sui generis

[Debi]

6. Um, wasn't that Sniffa?

:shrug:

[chickenscratching]

15. close

it was: sui generis

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x3030601#3030618

(post #1)

[Debi]

17. But Sniffa did the deed!

:evilgrin:

[chickenscratching]

18. exactly

isn't he a bad bad boy?
he needs to be spanked

[Worst Username Ever]

7. There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest.

He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

[BikeWriter]

21. The truck driver passed his mountain driving skills test...

The truck driver passed his mountain driving skills test. He was pleased to have made the grade.

[Richardo]

4. A guy to his psychiatrist: "I'm a teepee!" "I'm a wigwam!" "I'm a teepee!"

The psychiatrist says: "Your problem is you're two tents."

[BikeWriter]

8. What about the king who got deposed by his enemy?

He just got throne away.

[Worst Username Ever]

9. Did you hear about the Buddhist

who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

[BikeWriter]

11. And the pilot who went on sick leave, because he had the flew?

[Worst Username Ever]

14. Do'h! A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.

[BikeWriter]

25. Man goes to a dentist

A man went to his dentist because he feels something wrong in his mouth. The dentist examines him and says, "that new upper plate I put in for you six months ago is eroding. What have you been eating?"

The man replies, "all I can think of is that about four months ago my wife made some asparagus and put some stuff on it that was delicious...Hollandaise sauce. I loved it so much I now put it on everything --- meat, toast, fish, vegtables, everything."

"Well," says the dentist, "that's probably the problem. Hollandaise sauce is made with lots of lemon juice, which is highly corrosive. It's eaten away your upper plate. I'll make you a new plate, and this time use chrome." "Why chrome?" asks the patient.

To which the dentist replies, "It's simple. Everyone knows that there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!"

[Worst Username Ever]

10. Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.

[BikeWriter]

23. Birthday candles are for people who want to make light of their age.

[Debi]

12. Roy Rogers complained to Dale Evans that his cowboy boots

kept getting stolen each night (he'd take them off and leave them on the steps).

One evening the two stayed up to watch for the theif.

A large moutain lion slinked by the steps and grabbed the boots and ran off.

Dale turned to Roy and said,"Pardon me Roy, it that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"

:cry: oh, that was bad.

[Worst Username Ever]

13. My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.

[BikeWriter]

24. A maharajah of India...

The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game

[Richardo]

16. Ever hear about the moran who spent all night on a hill wondering

...where the sun went?

Finally it dawned on him.

[BikeWriter]

22. He made money sending thousands of junk emails to people,

but one day he made a mistake and sent a whole load of them to a famous Hollywood actress. She was so angry that she had him beaten up, and that's how he came to be known as The Star Mangled Spammer.

[thoughtanarchist]

19. A Rabbi walks into a bar

and says "OW!"

[BikeWriter]

20. Then there was the guy who fell into a vat...

Then there was the guy who fell into a vat of molten optical glass after drinking too much....
Just two glasses, and look what a spectacle he made of himself.

[Yupster]

26. Did you hear about the Indian

who spent all night in his tent drinking tea?

He drowned in his own tea pee.

______________________________________

What does Michael Jackson say is the best thing about twenty-four year olds?

There are twenty of them.

__________________________________________

Two Germans were in a restaurant bemoaning how bad their life was. You think it's bad now, one said to the other, "the wurst is yet to come."

[BikeWriter]

27. The new French cook

The new French cook
The French will eat almost anything. A young cook decided that the French would enjoy feasting on rabbits and decided to raise rabbits in Paris and sell them to the finer restaurants in the city. He searched all over Paris seeking a suitable place to raise his rabbits. None could be found. Finally, an old priest at the cathedral said he could have a small area behind the rectory for his rabbits. He successfully raised a number of them, and when he went about Paris selling them, a restaurant owner asked him where he got such fresh rabbits. The young man replied, "I raise them myself, near the cathedral. In fact, I have ... a hutch back of Notre Dame.