God dammit DUers - tell me a story

[HEyHEY]

The lounge is boring and it isn't bedtime yet, let's hear something interesting and no more than two paras long.

[Bouncy Ball]

1. Well you already read my story

about obnoxious roommates and boney asses, I'm presuming.

Wanna know the worst thing I ever did to someone (that I can talk about)?

[HEyHEY]

5. ya!

[Bouncy Ball]

7. Ok I'll tell you without waiting for a reply

and I promise to keep this short:

A guy broke up with me when I was in college. He was a senior and it was the day to call in for registration, he had already registered, but I knew all his info, so I called in, dropped all his classes, registered him for new ones (really stupid ones he'd never need), dropped all his stuff like a parking hangtag, etc. and put stuff on there he didn't need like a seven day meal plan (he lived off-campus), a motorcycle permit, etc.

Figured I'd call in and fix it later that day. Forgot.

He got his fee statement a few days later and freaked. He couldn't even get back into the classes I dropped him out of and it took him an extra semester to graduate and he had to borrow money to finish school.

That was horrible and I felt really bad about it, but if it makes this any better, he was a huge asshole and is now on his third wife, because he beat the shit out of the first two.

Oops, I didn't keep it short. Sorry, that's short for me.

[HEyHEY]

10. That's awesome!

Well done, I LOVE evil revenge

[yvr girl]

2. I already showed you my bra

What more do you want?

[HEyHEY]

8. Well, now there's something interesting to read at least

[Generic Other]

3. We have to show our passports to share stories with Canadians

Sorry.

[Dookus]

4. One time

Paul Lynde was on an airplane and....

oh wait. Nevermind.

[HEyHEY]

6. h eh hehehe

[hfojvt]

9. Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away

John meets Mary, they totally annoy each other, but then cannot forget each other. They get married, stay together for six years and then have a nasty divorce. John dies, then Mary dies.

That is my recollection of a Margaret Atwood story. She said the ending was always the same: "John and Mary die". Ms. Atwood is not a very cheerful writer. All who are born die, of course, but meanwhile there is love to be made, pizza to be eaten, and games of backyard volleyball to be played. Boredom is good too though, it makes life seem longer.

[Bouncy Ball]

11. Oh I have another one for you.

We had a roommate who got a fundie boyfriend, real wack job. He decreed that she should not EVER use tampons because it was....perverted to use them. He wouldn't allow her to watch rated R movies, etc (yes this was COLLEGE).

So one day, another roommate and I saw a Chippendale's poster in a magazine on campus and we stole it and put it over the kitchen sink. We came home one day to discover he had TORN IT DOWN off the wall, ripped it up and **burned it** on our back patio.

What a FREAK.

So once, he came over to study with her and my other roommate told her "She can't study with you right now, she's upstairs masturbating."

I thought he was going to have a heart attack. That was classic.

[HEyHEY]

12. How could anyone date such a dink?

[Bouncy Ball]

15. He was good looking and smart

but socially retarded and crazy to boot. Dunno. She must have lost her mind. She married him, by the way, they have a kid. It was ordered that she stay home with it full-time.

Hey, she's got to have a thing for self-punishment, I figure.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

16. You are supposed to have a camera in hand to catch his expression!

I bet his expression would was hilarious! :thumbsup:

[belladonna]

13. I was gonna tell you a story

But then I read that pinned thread at the top again and realized I'd be banned if I did :evilgrin:

[HEyHEY]

14. Hey! How you doing!?

[belladonna]

17. Not bad

My life is calming down a little and I have more time to play in the Lounge. How're you doing, hot stuff?

[HEyHEY]

18. I'm losing feeling in my left leg

Not really, I'm well.... jobis good, landed a freelance gig for side money. IT's warming up, all that stuff.

[belladonna]

19. Well hey, at least it isn't your "other" leg

Just saying :D

[Ready4Change]

20. The Hoppity Bunny Story.

Hippety Hoppity was a very cute bunny. He hopped amongst the tulips in Spring, across the lush grass in Summer, and rustled in the leaves in Fall. And he always found a nice comfy hole to sleep in the long Winter nights.

One Fall day Hippety Hoppity was taking a break from rustling in the leaves. He was sitting up on his hind legs and very fastidiously cleaning his bunny nose. He was very cute.

But Mr. Hunter was taking aim with his Remington Varmint Rifle, which he had purchased chambered in .223, and with which he had been practicing at a range for several days. And he had Hippety Hoppity dead to rights in his expensive and oh so accurate sights.

But just then a bottomless pit opened beneath Mr. Hunters feet, and he fell miles and miles into the very midst of Hell, where he was grabbed by scary demons and hauled away to have the skin flayed away from his body in a vat of lemon juice for the rest of eternity. Mr. Hunter screamed like a little girl.

But Hippety Hoppity just giggled and went off rustling through the Fall leaves.

The End.

Now go to sleep, you little wretch. :)

[HEyHEY]

23. Hmm, I'm gonna be an uncle in June - gotta remember that last line

[khashka]

21. A god damn bedtime story for HEyHEy

The Mouse's Tail:

Fury said to a mouse
That he met in the house
"Let us both go to law
I will prosecute you!
Come, I'll take no denial
We must have a trial
For really this morning
I've nothing to do"
Said the mouse to the cur
"Such a trial dear Sir
With no judge or jury
Would be wasting our breath."
"I'll be judge, I'll be jury,"
Said cunning old Fury,
"I'll try the whole cause
and condemn you to death!"


It's a very drying tail, should you find youself wet.

Actually, I got arrested a couple years ago... and after all was said and done a cop told me I'd be appearing before judge Fury. I started to laugh and quoted "I'll be judge I'll be jury said cunning old Fury I'll try the whole cause and condem you to death!" It really upset the cop. "Judge Fury is a very liberal judge!" he said indignantly. I laughed harder, he got madder. He was so upset, I could see he was trying to find some excuse to re-arrest me. Finally I gave in (before he hit me) and said, "Oh come on, it's Lewis Carroll, for god's sake!"

Khash.

[HEyHEY]

22. "Re=arrest" - yeah, I suppos it really bugs em

When they can't arrest you twice!

[Maddy McCall]

24. Here's my story from when I was a wild child.

In the 1980s, I lived alone next door to the First Baptist Church in my hometown, a church in which I grew up and attended until I turned 18 and turned a new page in my life.

I was a hometown girl gone wild. We always had parties at my house, and I'd let anyone who wanted to, spend the night. The next morning, as all the church urchins were arriving for Sunday School, guys would be trickling out of my house...and I had a screen door that went BAM when it closed, so no one could really sneak out, considering that the good church people parked on the curb in my front yard and saw everything. And most of my guy friends were in a rock band, so they had bandanas, tight lycra pants, zebra striped shirts, and big rock hair, so you can just imagine what the fundies thought.

If I'd have had half as much sex and indulged in half as many drugs as the urchins thought I had, I'd REALLY have some stories to tell.