The Official "Punchlines Only" Thread

[CO Liberal]

Where we only post the punchlines, since everyone knows the joke.

I'll start with the next post.

[CO Liberal]

1. "Read the Card! Read the Card!!!"

:-)

[Richard Steele]

2. "They get wool from them"

[CO Liberal]

3. "Da da da dum dum dum - Your Sister Rose is Dead...."

:-)

[swag]

4. "Shoot the dog! Shoot the dog!"

[EstimatedProphet]

5. "If this is my thermometer then where the hell is my cigar?"

[Richardo]

6. "$20 just like downtown."

[Lautremont]

7. Bartender says "Ham sandwich?"

[SOteric]

8. Sure. Who's he gonna tell?

[Cannikin]

9. "Rectum? Nearly killed em."

[Midnight Rambler]

10. I don't know about the other two...

But the fella' in the middle looks like Willie Nelson

[Magrittes Pipe]

11. Liquor? I hardly know her!

[Rainbowreflect]

12. Where's the bitch with the impacted molar?

[Parrcrow]

13. So I bit him.

[bertha katzenengel]

14. "Got any duck food?"

[Richardo]

15. "Well usually we just *ride* the camel to the whorehouse in town"

[rock]

36. kewl - I thought about posting that one myself

but went with another.

[bridgit]

16. "if i get any closer i'll be standing behind you"

[CO Liberal]

17. "If I Could Walk That Way, I Wouldn't NEED The Powder"

:-)

[CO Liberal]

18. "I Bit Her Boob, Then She Farted and Flew Out The Window"

:-)

[Redstone]

19. Tonto turned to him and said, "What you mean WE, white man?"

Redstone

[lpbk2713]

27. Re: Tonto.....

No. no, Tonto. I told you go find a big POSSE.

[Lone Pawn]

45. And the farmer said, "No, that's my BULL."

[Mass_Liberal]

20. .

so ten minutes later a badly beaten bear runs out of the woods screaming, "I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"

[Mass_Liberal]

21. .

So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit. (different joke)

[LostinVA]

22. "My mother came from Ireland!"

[Parrcrow]

26. oops

should have been a reply to the O P

[rock]

23. "OK, now where's that Eskimo I'm supposed to fight"

[Dukkha]

24. He heard kids' pants were half off

*rimshot*

[Worst Username Ever]

25. "Mountain Time," Get it?

[NoSheep]

28. No, but the guy last night was!

[NoSheep]

31. I don't know what that was, but it about tore my asshole UP!

[NoSheep]

33. I gotta million of um!

[pdx_prog]

29. and the other redneck said...

ok...just don't put my head in the fence like that....


Or

and the blonde said, I will, just don't hit me on the head like that...

[Left Is Write]

30. The genie let out a sigh and said, " Let me see the damn map again."

[NoSheep]

32. Got any grapes?

[Richardo]

34. "I thought you said a 12" pianist"

[AzDar]

35. "That's ok Father, we aren't welcome in Kroger's anymore, either!"...n/t

[Beaverhausen]

37. and the deaf nun says, "Father who?"

[Parrcrow]

38. The Fish

[Beaverhausen]

39. Then the doctor says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

[saltpoint]

40. "Look, Peter! You can see your house from here!"

[Speck Tater]

41. Hahahaha! Joe's out there picking a watermelon!

[CO Liberal]

42. "Other Than That, Mrs. Lincoln, How Did You Like The Play?"

:-)

[radfringe]

43. there's a knot in the rope

[barackmyworld]

44. Haaaaaaaaaay

[bmbmd]

46. Yeah-but this one

is eating my popcorn....

[Beaverhausen]

47. "...and there's a taffy pull at St. Peter's..."

[Debi]

48. "A lovely thing, but not much good in a fight"

:rofl:

[trof]

49. "So the butler stuck his d*ck in the mashed potatos."

The late American humorist H. Allen Smith claimed that this was the punchline to a joke that he could never remember and was unable to find.
He also claimed that ALL "dirty" jokes originated in Valdosta, Georgia.

[Monkey see Monkey Do]

50. "... but the mother superior was too slow."

[MisterP]

51. "You shouldn't 'ave criticized Lawee!"

[maveric]

52. "More jumper cables than a Mexican wedding"

[Arkana]

53. "Oh, and you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"

[4_Legs_Good]

54. I got a fuck for a duck, a duck for a fuck and twenty-five bucks for a

fucked up duck

david

[davsand]

55. That's ok--it wasn't my finger.

[Endangered Specie]

56. To get to the other side

[mac56]

57. "Two candy bars and a Pepsi. Why?"

Thank you! Try the veal!

[ChoralScholar]

58. but do they call me "McGregor the great stone tower builder?"

Nay, they don't.....but you fuck ONE GOAT.....

[Left Is Write]

61. MacGregor! One of my favorite jokes EVAH.

My brother is a master at telling that one.

[uppityperson]

59. The brick

[uppityperson]

60. Moby dick

[Left Is Write]

62. "That was no lady! That was my wife!"

[uppityperson]

63. His name was Eenis

[Lars39]

64. #34

[derby378]

65. "...and it looked so good, I ate it myself!"

[derby378]

66. "...but doesn't that darned calf have a mother?"

[CO Liberal]

67. Stapled to the Chicken

:-)