I'M SO PISSED! My Friend has been snooping on my eBay account!

[romantico]

Okay, I'll be as brief as possible here.

I have a friend who's been like an older brother to me. We've known each other for about 16 years. Problem is, he's a major snoop! For example:

A few months back him & I were talking about something politcal. It was something we both agreed on.I sent him a link to a topic from DU. I thought he'd find it interesting to know others felt like we did. He went into my profile & brought up all th topics I've posted here.

HIM: My God! You've posted about 1,500 posts at that site! Don't you think thats just a little crazy? You've become brainwashed! Nothing like getting only one view on things! Everytime you have a problem do you HAVE to ask these people how to think? SOunds like you've joined a cult!

Stuff like that.I pretty much ignored it & somehow just let it go.

Which brings me to eBay. I was having trouble with my PAYPAL account. He sells alot on eBay & uses PAYPAL more than me, so I asked him about this problem. He asked for my email address I use for PAYPAL + my password (I called him at work & he was gonna go into myaccount & talk me throught the problem)Well, it didn't feel right but I've known him for so long & trust him, I gave him the password. However, about 3 hours later I decided to go to PAYPAL & change my password. Well, not before he got my user ID from eBay. Now, he's dropping little hints & purchases I've made. For example. I bought a copy of Dorian Gray. Out of the blue he asked, "Wouldn't it be great if we could have a painting of ourself & only the painting would age?" I bought a poster from 'The Dark Crystal' & then he says, "Ya know what a good movie was? The 'Dark Crystal'" Stuff like this.

I'm pissed because I feel he betrayed my trust. I also am pissed because I value my privacy & now he's going on to eBay checking EVERYTHING I buy & making little comments about them. This guy is married with 2 kids & other than work has no life. He's insecure, arrogant, & VERY judgemental of people. As a matter of fact, I'm sure he'll read this. Because of the link I sent him from DU he checks up on my posts to see what I'm writting/talking about. He will then find a way bring up a topic I wrote about on DU in a lame attempt to be clever.

I'm not pissed enought for this to end my friendship. We've been through alot & he's been a good friend for the most part. As amatter of fact this is the only things he's done in a hell of a long time thats pissed me so much.I wish I could change my user id on eBay, but I've worked 4 years building up a high rating. I'm planning on changing my password on my email, Netflix, & Amazon accounts because I know now he can figure them out easily.

How should I let him know I'm pissed? He's very defensive & guarantee he'll twist it around to make it sound like he was helping me out. I think he went back to PAYAPL & discovered I changed the password & got angry. Thats why he's been making these comments (which is kind of out of charahcter for him)Thanks again & sorry I rambled on so long!

[MidwestMomma]

1. He'll know you're pissed when he reads your post

And as you said, he probably will read it seeing as how he's an internet stalker and all.

Something similar happened to my daughter. Someone was spying on her thru her blogs and she found out because they did some clever hinting like this person. So anyway, she posted on her blog about how creepy it was that this person was stalking her on the internet, etc...

Next thing she knew she got a very defensive email from that person about how it wasn't stalking, blah, blah, blah....

Some people just don't understand boundaries. Sounds like this person is one of them.

[donco6]

2. And *why* do you think this guy is a friend, again?

He doesn't fit any definition I've heard of.

[daisygirl]

3. Not much good advice but

you can change your ebay ID from within your current account. You'll get those "new user" sunglasses (if that's what they still use) next to your name for 30 days but you keep your feedback. (Then again someone can probably find your new ID by looking up your old one, or by the email address you have associated with the account.

I'd be pissed off enough to end the friendship. Major violation of trust. I don't really know what to say about how to deal with it though, except to never ever ever trust anyone with your passwords to anything...

[emulatorloo]

4. RULE NUMBER 1 - Don't give ANYBODY your Password!

RULE NUMBER 2 - Don't give ANYBODY your Password!

now, you must dump this friend, because he is no friend to you.

[skygazer]

5. Your problem is not so much that this guy is a snoop

Your problem is this guy is no friend. Sorry, but friends don't poke their noses into their supposed friend's business and then make disparaging comments on it. They don't fling your posted opinions in your face in a lame attempt to be clever, as you so aptly put it.

How should you let him know you're pissed? TELL HIM! So what if he gets defensive or insulted. So what if he's angry about you changing your password (what right does he have to be angry about not knowing your password?).

Sorry, but this guy doesn't sound like much of a friend to me. And if you can't be honest with him and tell him how and why what he did is offensive to you, you don't have much of a friendship. IMO

[Historic NY]

6. I would change account names & passwords now.......

you compromised access to your account especially Paypal if its hooked to your bank.

[romantico]

9. Thanks for the feedback!

He has been a good friend, even thought it may sound hard to believe. This is really the only thing he's done that just pissed me off. It ruined my night when he called to basically gloat! Its not like I have anything to hide. My feedback is excellent. Its just I don't like people looking into everything I've purchased for the past 4 years & then make these childish comments about it. Not sure if I'll loose him as friend. I do plan on giving him a piece of my mind. I'm glad I didn't loose it last night. I just ignored it & pretended it went over my head. I needed to think. I didn't want to fly off the handle. I needed to give this some thought.

Yes, I come to DU for advice alot because I feel I get honesty. Theres a comfort in talking to people who aren't objective.I appreciate the feedback & honesty. I feel like my best interest is at heart reading the comments & I guess I needed to hear that. Thanks again everyone!

[elehhhhna]

12. pssst.

don't tell im about zaba.com

omg

[ComerPerro]

7. Your friend knows too much. He knows about the cult.

[hickman1937]

8. This might sound insane, but maybe this is an attempt to stay

close to you. Its invasive, spooky, and sad, but maybe he just doesn't know any better. It sounds like you value this friendship, but need to be clear to him about boundries. If he continues to be defensive, demand his passwords and usernames, and those of his wife's. Then use them. Turn about is fairplay.

[elehhhhna]

11. Exactly what I was thinking. Is the friend (Hi Friendguy!) a braniac type

Or....is he Mister Suave socially? Doubt it. He's just trying too hard.



Friendguy:

YES, I SAID YOU ARE TRYING TOO HARD, Mister Snoopy friend. No need to fake any psychic powers re; Dorian Gray, etc.

Re-read the original post. Your pal romantico is using a sorta passive-agressive tactic to break it you (on DU! ouch! sorta serves you right though...)but he obviously cares about you.

Please cut the snooping for good and apologize. Make up. Daylight's burnin'. Do it Now. On this thread. (just kidding. privately is better imho.)

[skygazer]

10. I will add this

I am always amazed at the way people will cling to friendships that are so obviously toxic (I guess I can relate - I clung to a marriage that was toxic). Perhaps that's a way to look at it - remember all the times when you looked at people's relationships and thought, "why does he/she stay with that psycho hosebag?"

My hubby just got fired by his "best friend". The guy called him up last Thursday and reamed him out over the phone for over an hour, accusing him of always complaining, of not being willing to work alone, of not appreciating the friend and what he does. All of which is untrue. Hubby was destroyed - I had to live with this moody mess for about 5 days until "friend" called back.

I could overhear the conversation and knew from what I heard that hubby was indeed out of work. Yet he was talking and laughing like it was all okay. After he hung up, he "explained" that his friend had been stressed out because his business was failing and that he'd laid off several other guys as well. :wtf:

I asked if he'd apologized - no, he hadn't. "He's under a lot of stress."

Is that an excuse to treat a friend like shit? What the hell kind of friend is that? This is not the first time this moran has behaved like this yet hubby got pissed at ME for being angry!

This is a wake up call for you. This guy is NO friend.

[Left Is Write]

13. Two things right off the bat -

You can change your user ID and still retain your feedback rating; I did it about three years ago. If you want me to, I'll see if I can find a link explaining how to do it (processes may have changed since I did it).

Second thing - consider closing your PayPal account and opening a new one. If you don't feel you can trust him, start a fresh account using a different email address that he does NOT have.

Now. About him reading your posts on DU ~ well, that's the chance you take when posting on a public message board. Whatever you post on a public board is open to be read by anyone and everyone. Always be careful with what you say on a public board if you are concerned that someone you know will read it.

If he razzes you about your postings on DU, tell him no one is forcing him to read it. If he doesn't like what you talk about, he can refrain from clicking. It's not his business where you post or what you want to talk about.

[romantico]

15. Well, I don't feel I need a new PAYPAL account

I changed the password, so all is good for now. I may like some info. on changing my user id on eBay. I may have to open a new email address so he can not trace it. Seems like alot of work just to secure some privacy. I know, I know. It shouldn't be like this & I do plan on telling him all the trouble his nosiness has put me through. Its like if he stumbles on something he just can't help himself. He NEEDS to let me know how clever he is. He just HAS to make some clever dig. I am rethinking our friendship. I don't want to sound dramtic but friends don't invade their privacy. This guy is 8 years older than me & should know better.ANyway, I can not thank everyone enough for all their thoughtful comments. It means SO MUCH to me. Thanks again to all!

[grace0418]

14. I had a friend like that.

And in many ways, she WAS a good friend, as weird as that may sound. I put up with a lot from her because there were times when she was there for me when no one else was. BUT, ultimately I realized that if I couldn't depend on her to act like a mature adult then I couldn't be a part of her life any longer. Life is just too short, you know? I realized it when I found myself making excuses for her a lot ("well, she has been a really good friend, I know it may not seem like it...she's a good person, just a little immature...it's okay, it's not *that* big a deal, it just bothered me for awhile but now I'm over it...when you get to know her a little better she's really friendly..." and so on).

Then, a month or so after my father died from a horrible mysterious illness that had me flying back and forth from Chicago to Seattle multiple times in 6 months, she had the gall to complain that I wasn't helping her with her wedding enough (which was a total fiasco that ended up getting called off anyway) and that was the last straw. I told her how I felt and then just stopped calling her. She called me for awhile (thank heaven for caller id) and eventually stopped.

For months after the "break-up" whenever I would tell someone I was no longer friends with her, their reaction was invariably utter relief.