Dilemma.

[Madrone]

My best friend turns 50 on 6/2. She's in Kalamazoo, Mi. I'm in Podunk Wa. We are both sad I'm not THERE.

2 people at work, on the same day (one being one of my bosses) told me I need to fly home for the weekend and be there for her birthday. Kind of a bizarre suggestion, I think - as I don't think people normally suggest spending loads of money on a weekend flight somewhere. Made a mental note about the oddness of it - and moved on.

A moment ago, I'm talking to another friend. I mentioned to him that I am putting together the most awesome birthday package EVER to send home to my friend. HE suggests I fly home and see her for her birthday. :wtf: Why does this keep coming up? He goes a step further - he wants to contribute 3-400 dollars toward a plane ticket, and said he will come over and feed and take care of all of my animals while I'm away. After much arguing, he got me to say I'll THINK about it - rather than a just plain outright NO. But I'm really leaning toward no.

Synchronicity?

My "no" reasons are pretty simple.

1. I hate taking things from people. Accepting 3-400 smackers from a friend is uncomfortable to me. I'm not a person that "takes".

2. It's HOME - and I don't know if I could STAND going home, and leaving after a few days. :cry: I couldn't see everyone, and I can't imagine not seeing everyone I'd want - going home is always a huge ordeal because I'm pulled in so many different directions.



:dilemma:

I don't know what to do. The whole subject just seems bizarre to me. It's so unlikely it ever even came up.

What would YOU do?

[uppityperson]

1. Go, accept graciously

If you want to go, go. It sounds like you have friends that you care about and that care about you. Congratulations, very nice.

1. Accept the offer graciously. Accept $100 or whatever would be an appropriate gift. Not accepting gifts means others don't get to give. You are taking away the pleasure of someone giving something. If $400 is too much (I have few friends who could afford a $400 gift), accept $50 or 100 or something. Let your friend have the pleasure of giving you a gift.

2. Pretend you are going on a vacation. You do NOT need to see everyone, don't need to see anyone or do anything you don't want to. Yes, you might feel guilty and some people might try to further this but tough shit. It's your vacation and you can do what you want to. (Sorry, that was rather rude.) Trying again, it's ok to go do what you want and what you can do in the time you have. If you want to see everyone, do it, have a tea party even. If you don't want to or can't, don't sweat it. You'll have another chance. Or you won't but still don't sweat it. Have fun. Enjoy life.

[Madrone]

11. I am VERY lucky.

I am fortunate enough to have a few people in my life that really would (and do, and have done) do anything for me - no strings attached.

Accepting gifts is quite difficult for me - and in less than the past year I've accepted a LOT from different places. Like you said, accepting graciously is important, and is something I've always struggled with. The flip side is, of course, I love to give and expect people to take what I give them with no guff! :)

Not seeing everyone is definitely also the hard part - my favorite, most missed, and closest friends are all there. The family - argh. I could live without seeing them, but that would be a difficult one to pull off.

It does seem a little too "coincidental" that this is all happening though - I'm going to have to chew on it for awhile, and check out airfare costs. I did a quick search online and am looking at over $500 - and that's just too much.

[LynzM]

24. Madrone, what sites are you searching?

Try www.expedia.com, www.hotwire.com, www.travelocity.com, www.iflyswa.com, look for some deals... or let me know the airport codes and I'll look for you! :)

[Madrone]

25. American Airlines -

I prefer them - usually the cheapest, and they bent over backwards over and over again for me the last 2 times I had to fly home because someone was in the hospital.

BUT - cheap trumps loyalty in this case ;)

If you WANT to look - I'll surely not stop you! I'm no good at airline shopping.

Leaving from Seattle (SEA) would like to fly directly into Kalmazoo (AZO) --- will accept Chicago or Detroit if there is nothing manageable into Kazoo... but really don't want the 2-3 hour drive time tacked onto what will already be a short trip.

Dates - somewhat flexible - her birthday is 6/2. It doesn't matter if I'm there THAT day - I actually need to call her and get more information about what her plans are - so I can sneak in at the most opportune moment. :) She's in Alabama until Tuesday, though.

[LynzM]

28. Ok, let's see:

expedia: Seattle-Chicago: leave 1-Sep return 4-Sep, $283 and up
-Detroit: same dates, $406 and up

travelocity: SEA-AZO: 1-Sep to 4-Sep, $519 and up
-Chicago: same dates, $263 and up
-Detroit: same dates, $303 and up

(travelocity is nice because it lets you search +/-1 day or 3 days and you can see the whole grid of prices)

hotwire: (can't choose exact flights):
SEA-AZO: 1-Sep to 4-Sep, (ouch!)$572 and up
-Chicago(O'Hare): same dates, $287 and up
-Chicago(Midway): same dates, $354 and up
-Detroit: same dates, $422 and up

iflyswa: SEA-AZO: 1-Sep to 4-Sep, $194!! (these may book soon, they're the 'fun fares')

Looks like you could save a couple hundred dollars if you're willing to fly into Chicago and make the drive.... Let me know if you need help with these sites!

[Madrone]

29. Thanks, Lynz!

I do want to keep it as close as possible to June 2 - but it doesnt matter if I'm there ON that day I dont think. TOo bad I can't put it off till September - those are good rates!

[LynzM]

30. Ah crap!

I totally got the month wrong on all those searches. #$%$^^@^!! Gah!! Um, give me a bit, I'll do it again... :P (boy, do I feel silly now....)

[LynzM]

32. Let's try this over....

expedia: SEA-AZO: leave 2-Jun to 5-Jun, $616 and up
-Chicago: same dates, $353 and up
-Detroit: same dates, $495 and up

travelocity: SEA-AZO: 2-Jun to 5-Jun, $555 and up
-Chicago: return on the 6th, $306 and up
-Detroit: return on the 6th, $434 and up

(travelocity is nice because it lets you search +/-1 day or 3 days and you can see the whole grid of prices)

hotwire: (can't choose exact flights):
SEA-AZO: 2-Jun to 5-Jun, (ouch!)$696 and up
-Chicago(O'Hare): same dates, $406 and up
-Chicago(Midway): same dates, $420 and up
-Detroit: same dates, $456 and up

iflyswa: SEA-AZO: 2-Jun to 5-Jun, $335 and up

Looks like Travelocity going through Chicago is your best bet for those dates. You may get slightly better rates playing with the dates a day each directon, but probably not too much different, as you're going 'over' a weekend, which is good.

[progmom]

2. go.

when things fall into place like that?
you just have to trust it.

that's my advice.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

3. I'd go

The forces of the universe are sending you signs. It's not in your best interest to ignore them.

[jukes]

4. i shook the majic 8-ball

a white triangle floated up: "YES"...

[evlbstrd]

5. Casting the pagan knuckle bones,

I get a BIG FAT GO!

edit for goddam fucking spelling, dammit.

[gardenista]

6. It's ok to go and not see everybody. This is for your best friend.

and it's a BIG milestone, one for which women really ought to be hanging out with their best friends!!!

Enjoy yourself, see who you can. Those who don't see you will understand, or they can come visit *you* in Podunk.

Plus, there are some decent airfares available right now, and you might not even need the whole 3-400.

All the stars seem to be aligning...

[CaliforniaPeggy]

7. Accept the gift: GO!

progmom has the best suggestions, I think...but everyone's ideas have merit...JUST GO, AND HAVE A GREAT TIME! YOU DESERVE IT, AND SO DOES YOUR FRIEND!


:kick:

[Tsiyu]

8. Just DO IT

I am also one of those people who feels creepy when others show so much generosity. So I understand your hesitation.

But this is your best buddy. If someone offered her a ticket to your place, wouldn't you feel a bit hurt if she stayed in Kalamazoo if you really wanted to see her?

So you better start looking for cheap airfare or I will come out to Podunk and spank you! :spank:

Oh, and we want to hear all about the partying when you get back!:party:

Now, you'd better accept the offer and go see your buddy. Life is too short....OK enuf nagging now :)

[leftofthedial]

9. you get you a ticket on an aero plane

you ain't got time to take a fast train . . .

[Tsiyu]

10. hey there, leftofthedial

I left you out of my "love a DUer" post, but you are one of my favorite DUers, because you share yourself and your feelings and you are humble. :hi:

So now I told you directly (sorry to intrude on your thread Madrone but i know you don't mind).

BTW, Madrone. GO TO KALAMAZOO ( I spelled it correctly that time.)

[leftofthedial]

12. thank you so much buddyhollysghost

That was sure nice of you.

'tis the night of the DU kindnesses

hauling me back from the abyss!

:hi:

[Madrone]

13. leftofthedial -

if buddyhollysghost thinks you're awesome - you've got a friend here too! She's got excellent taste and standards, I can tell.


So - now that we're friends... how much can you throw in for a plane ticket? LOL I keed, I keed..... :D

[leftofthedial]

14. I can provide the soundtrack, but not much else I'm afraid.

I think you should go. 50 is a big deal for friends to share.

Have fun!

[Madrone]

15. A soundtrack would be cool...

And I was KIDDING - read above where I state I have issues with accepting gifts. ;)

I'm slowly leaning toward going ... will have to check into airfare.

50 is a big deal - and no one else will tease her mercilessly like *I* will. Can't let her take herself too seriously.

When talking on the phone the other night she decided to figure out how old she'll be when I turn 50 - the answer is 67. x( Very funny. I told her not to fret - she'll still be able to drink me under the table. Her response? "Well I'd HOPE SO."

[leftofthedial]

16. certainly sounds like you should be there with her

even if its just for the practice so you can keep up with her later

[Tsiyu]

18. Awwww

Now, MY inferiority complex is fading. Dammit, woman!

:hug:

[Tsiyu]

17. Didn't your mom ever tell you

not to play in abysses? ( Or is that abyssi?)

:hug:

[leftofthedial]

20. no, she never did

apparently, it is impossible to put your eye out with an abyss.

[Tikki]

19. Well... having grown up in Podunk WA.....I can tell ya....

You deserve some time away from that HOLE.

Cleanse your pallet....GO to Michigan.



Tikki

[housewolf]

21. GO!!!!

If this happened to me, I'd take it as a HUGE message from the universe to go. It's a wonderful opportunity and a chance to give your dear friend a REALLY wonderful present for her 50th - something she'll always remember.

Do it. Don't wait. Don't think about it - just do it.


:bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce: :bounce:

[unhappycamper]

22. Hurry up and book your flight.

You will kick yourself in the ass the rest of your life if you don't go.

[radfringe]

23. go - give your friend a hug, your friend only turns 50 once...

[Shell Beau]

26. Why is this a dilemma?

Some people can be genuinely nice.

[GreenPartyVoter]

27. Go. The message is you need to be there, so GO *hugs*

[Bouncy Ball]

31. GO.

I do believe sometimes the universe tries to TELL us something.

I think it's trying to tell you something now.

GO.

[kick-ass-bob]

33. You aren't taking. You are giving.

Giving to your friend. Your other friend is also trying to give, and to take that happiness away from him is not fair.

Do it. All of you will feel overjoyed.