Well, I had "the talk" with my son today.

[Pale Blue Dot]

This is a follow-up to my thread about catching him looking at porn:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_mesg&forum=105&topic_id=3431663&mesg_id=3431663

When I arrived at his house today he was wearing a Jamaican hat and a cape and pretending he was Jar Jar Binks, so I don't think he has any permanent scars. :-)

I explained to him the basic mechanics of sex - boy, this must have been much harder in the days before Powerpoint! - and asked him why he had not asked me about it before. His response of "I kept forgetting" is pretty typical. I told him that he should not feel guilty or ashamed for being curious and wanting to see pictures of naked people. He seemed fine with that.

Then came the hardest part: trying him to explain why, if he should not be ashamed of wanting to look at porn, he still should not be looking at it. I told him that porn is just a fantasy, and that it's hard enough for grown-ups to understand the difference sometimes, and that a ten-year-old is just too young to figure it out. He seemed to get it. Who knows.

Then I asked him "Do you have any girls you like?"
"No", he said.
"What about that girl Shaylyn?"
"NO! I hate her! She's evil!"

And all seemed right with the world again.:D

[OldLeftieLawyer]

1. You did good

Sounds to me like you got the most important part of the message across - that it's OK to talk to you about such things, that it's all normal.

Believe me, he doesn't for a moment connect the naked ladies he saw with Shaylyn.

He will, though.

And then that will be the second part of The Talk.

:toast:

[ET Awful]

2. "I hate her she's evil" . . .

Damn, I think I used to say the same thing about my ex :).

My feelings have changed. . . I don't hate her anymore. She's still evil, but I gave up hate for New Years :).

[Pale Blue Dot]

3. I don't think he hates her.

I think he likes her quite a bit.

And for now, he's still my little boy. :toast:

[terrya]

4. That sounds perfect.

You're a good father, Finnfan. :-)

[Pale Blue Dot]

Thanks Terry. I do my best.

:hi:

[terrya]

7. I know you do, Finn. You posted it twice!

:-)

:hi:

[Pale Blue Dot]

5. Thanks Terry. I do my best.

:hi:

[Placebo]

6. It's not like it was gay porn...

so that sure made the talk a lot easier. :)

Although, I'm gay and It took me a few years to find gay porn after my porn days started...

hmm...

*DISCLAIMER: I AM NOT SAYING YOUR SON IS GAY AND HAVE NO REASON TO BELIEVE SO, I AM ONLY SAYING THIS TO POSSIBLY INDUCE A COMICAL REACTION AND GET THE POTENTIAL FREEPER LURKERS THINKING* :)

[NashVegas]

8. But Did Ya Find Out ..

If it makes him feel funny? That's a whole 'nuther talk :evilgrin:

[skygazer]

9. Ahhhhh..... "the talk"

I remember when I had that talk with my daughters. They were 6 and 7 and I was pregnant with my son. They knew mom had a baby in her belly and they even knew how it came out.

Then one night - it was 4th of July and we had gotten in the car after the fireworks. Mom was exhausted and stuck in traffic when the question came from the back seat - "Hey, Mom, how did the baby get IN your belly?" :eyes:

Taking a deep breath, Mom explained in words 6 and 7 year olds could understand. 7 year old daughter said, "Huh, that's interesting" and 6 year old said, "That's gross!" :)

Sounds like you did well, Finnfan. Being a parent is the neatest thing I ever did. Never a dull moment.

[SarahB]

10. Sounds like you handled it well.

I remember with my daughter explaining it all at six (I tend to just answer questions as they came up and she asked so I explained). However, the only thing that floored me was when she was 10, she came up to me and said, "Mom, what's a blow job?" Oy! I said, "I'll explain it before middle school." She of course remembered, and so I did. I've been letting daddy take care of that stuff more with my 9 year old son and I think he's doing a decent job. All this stuff makes me want to check in with him to find out though. It's definitely a subject where it helps to have a dad around to talk with.

Great job. :thumbsup:

[davsand]

11. "Mom, What is having sex?"

Boy Howdy, was I NOT ready for that conversation with my 7 year old daughter. I got thru it, and I swear the only thing that saved me was the fact that I was driving the car and she was in the back seat.

I explained the vagina and the penis and gave her correct terms for them. I told her the basic mechanics of it all and then told her that it was probably gonna be a while before she really needed to deal with any of that stuff... (I HOPE.)

She was pretty cool with it, but did comment that it sounded gross.

I felt like I'd survived a right of passage for parents, but I am acutely aware that the menstruation talk is looming ever closer...

FinnFann, you did good, buddy. Probably WAY better than I would have.


Laura

[hyphenate]

12. I think I was about 7 when some of the "talk"

was given to me. Poor me--I was a TV addict in my childhood (still am!) and getting the idea into my head that men had different parts than women got me into watching men's crotches from that point on. Hmmm...now that I think about it, I still like looking at them below the waist, but now I look for the whole package....good ass, great eyes and smile, basket, legs (especially in jeans)....sorry, I digress... :D

[swag]

13. Scotchguard everything immediately

[tigereye]

15. ah

those are words parents long to hear! ;)

[yvr girl]

14. You did a powerpoint presentation?

really?

[tigereye]

16. I picked up a great book about becoming an

adolescent, etc., at the bookstore. And then my kid - he is 9 - ran screaming from the topic. So now I have the book for when more than the basics are required. With all the commercials for "erectile dysfunction" on TV, I'm surprised that more kids aren't asking earlier....

[SarahB]

17. Those dang commercials.

I have gotten from my 9 year son, "Mom, what's Viagra?" I just explained very matter of factly that sometimes older men have health problems or on medication that prevents them from getting an erection. He understands everything enough to say, "Gross, I did not need to know that." I try not to make that stuff "gross", but he's a kid, so I suppose it's all still a little "icky" at that age.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

18. So how do you explain to him that it's ok to look at pictures of

naked people in an art gallery, but not porn?

I want my kid to appreciate art; but sometimes there's a fine line between art and porn...

[Robeson]

19. Why didn't you just let him "find" your copies of Hustler and Playboy, ...

...and if he had any questions, he could just ask his friends? It sure would have taken alot of pressure off yourself....:evilgrin:

[TrogL]

20. Shaylyn??

:wtf: kind of name is that?

This Celtic baby-naming by non-Celtic people has GOT to stop.