Priceless: Update on the "cop" from the Boston DU gathering. He's no cop.

[WilliamPitt]

For those not in the know:

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=105&topic_id=352300#352426

My cell phone rang at 11pm tonight, and a nice lady named Marge was on the line. It was confusing; she didn't know who I was and I didn't know who she was. Finally she says, "I'm looking for John. I think he called me from your phone, and I called you from my caller ID."

Which was right. The "cop" used my phone to call the other cops and tell them he was going to be late. In truth, he was calling Marge. His fiancee.

"Oh," I said, "You mean Detective *****."

"He's no detective," said Marge, in a voice that sounded like she'd heard this one before. "Is he there?"

"Uhh...no."

"OK, thanks. Bye."

Beat of silence. I called her back.

"Marge, wait a minute," I said. "This guy John isn't a cop?"

"Oh Christ no," says Marge. "He likes to play that game with people. He's on disability and lives with his mother here in Wakefield."

"I'll bet it's not his birthday, either," I said.

"Nope," said Marge. "That's in January. Was he drinking?"

"Yep."

"Alot?"

"Yep."

"That makes sense," said Marge. "No, the only thing he knows about cops is that he spent thirty years in prison for breaking and entering and armed robbery. He got out about three years ago."

Now I'm just laughing.

"He's totally harmless, though," said Marge. "I'm gonna kick his ass for lying to me."

"You do that," I said. "He's good at it."

She called back again to assure me that he was harmless.

So that's why "Detective" John was so good at throwing matcom around with that hard-ass cop shit. He had it done to him every day for thirty years while he was in prison.

Matcom flapped his nuts at an ex-con.

Best. Gathering. Ever.

[ForrestGump]

1. He DID cop a feel of matcome, though

Surely that counts for something.

[ForrestGump]

2. And was THAT ever an unfortunate typo...matCOM, I mean

:o

[Darranar]

3. LOL.

[Wonk]

4. So, matcom got fondled by an ex-con? LOLOL. Best. Gathering. Ever.

;-)

[prolesunited]

5. What a perfect ending!

I don't think you could have made anything up better than this. LOL!

[populistmom]

6. No way!

A little twist of an ending there. If this guy spent 30 years in prison, he must be a conniseur of man meat. Matcom should be quite flattered.

[WilliamPitt]

7. Way

Very very way.

[populistmom]

9. I believe you

It was a sarcastic 'no way'. Not too surprised. I was thinking this guy must be in one hell of a union if he's gotten away with that stuff on work time for 30 years.

[SOteric]

8. *LOL*

The 'detective' is a born fiction writer!

[Deb]

10. LMAO

Perfect, just perfect. Poor matcom :o

[Kathy in Cambridge]

11. I wonder if matcom told the missus

that he was drunk at a bar in Cambridge and got his nuts fondled by an ex-con posing as a cop.

LMAO

Sean and I went to The Field fo a drink and I just got back from a Halloween party. The DU Gathering, however, was the most entertaining part of the day!

[Kat45]

16. I'm glad you got home ok, RR.

Some of us were worried about you.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

18. I ate and I was fine, thanks for asking!

It was lack of nutrition...I shouldn't have drunk so much on an empty stomach.

[StopTheMorans]

71. glad to see ya made it back ok!

i tried to walk over to the bbq i had to go to and got lost walking along storrow on the side that doesn't have a path. ended up having to hop two fences and cross some railroad tracks b/c i almost walked to kenmore when I was trying to get to harvard, a walk that should have took me 20 mins took me an hour and a half:) a word to the wise: don't try shortcuts when you've been drinking.

[Capn Sunshine]

12. Out of all the bars in all the world in all of Boston that night

Matcom meets his future slavemaster.

You will be MINE Matcom!

[Ellen Forradalom]

28. Oh he got spanked all right!

[JanMichael]

13. No shit?! Bwahahaha!

Matcom was literally vioLATED OZ style.

Hee....

[Kathy in Cambridge]

15. He enjoyed every minute of it...three times

;-)

[ForrestGump]

35. He was once, twice, three times a friskee

I heard some ex-convict felt a little friskee today. :D

[WillParkinson]

41. That's only because Matcom kept insisting...

"You missed a spot!"

[WilliamPitt]

17. "Violated OZ style"

ROTFPIMP!!

[Kat45]

14. What a fucking riot! LOLOL

I wonder what kind of phony-ass information he gave you to contact him so you could ride with him on his drug busts?

This will make it even harder to top the
Best.Gathering.Ever

[supernova]

19. LMAO!

For the 2nd time this evening, I find myself oxygen-deprived! :D

Maybe this should be a very special episode of "Oz!"

[Kathy in Cambridge]

20. Remember he set up the whole bar?

Maybe he did just get sprung from jail...

[DS1]

21. I thought he was full of it

the bartender was in on it too, she changed her story.

[WilliamPitt]

22. You had him tagged

and she did lie to me.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

23. The bartender knew he was full of it?

Do tell...he was a character.

[DS1]

25. when he first started up she said that the guy was crazy

as if he'd been there more than once. he changed his story too, from when he said 'do you know who I am? I run this town'. the ladies can vouch for that quote.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

27. I came in late -didn't realize what was going on

except the guy was hammered.

[Kat45]

29. I'll vouch for the quote.

That's exactly what he said.

[populistmom]

32. He said it

My first thought was "Irish mob" (or Irish mob drunken wannabe)

[JanMichael]

24. Don't feel to silly. When I was in Poland some twit had everyone convinced

that he was some (Polish) special forces, NATO liason, etfuckincetera super-boy. Needless to say a US Council chick was swooning.

Needless to say I came in on this bullshit fest late and more or less believed him until he said that he had to walk home. He'd just said that he lived in Warsaw and we were in, tah-dah, Krakow.

I let it go but once he left a girl that nobody had noticed, said that he was a local that had multiple "personalities". He spoke excellent english and Krakow is a prime place for people that wish to be something else than who they really are.

[Kathy in Cambridge]

26. Cambridge is full of wacky bar characters...like Berkeley

old hippy has-beens
former professors who took too much LSD in the '60s
washed-up mobsters
down-and-out politicos
political exiles
toothless townies

Gotta love Cabridge-we've got every possible genre of barfly imaginable. The best part is the stories that come from these encounters-like tonight's!

;-)

[corarose]

30. If I were Matcom I would be in the shower hosing myself down

What a damn liar the "Detective" guy was. Shit If I were Matcom I would feel like I had been abused and I would need to hose myself off after the testicle checkup.
Of course I don't have testicles but you know what I mean. I would feel like I had been Raped.

[JanMichael]

The WHAT???

The "testicle checkup"??

OMFG...This is so F'ing funny!

*snarf*

[corarose]

34. Matcom got frisked by a fake cop

He touched his balls and the man wasn't a cop he was an ex-con.

[matcom]

42. NONONONONONO

HE didn't touch my menz.....

I FLAPPED them at him when i was telling him what a great flight suit our pRez had on

said it made his package look bigger :bounce:

[corarose]

50. That's good news

I would have DIED if I were you and he frisked me because he probably did it to get off.

[Kat45]

31. I guess he's kissed the blarney stone many a time

since it turns out he was full of the blarney. :-)

[OneBlueSky]

33. have you guys checked to see if you all still have . . .

your watches? . . . and your wallets? . . .

[WindRavenX]

36. Are you shitting me !????

Wow.
Just..wow.
Fucking unreal!
Matcom got felt up by a con :D :D

[matcom]

37. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i just KNEW he felt me up


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[matcom]

38. I MAN HAVE BEEN VIOLATED BY AN EX CON, BUT WILL GAVE HIM $20!

think you'll get your $20 back WILL?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

BEST.GATHERING.EVER

:D

[DS1]

39. He put the con in ex-con that's for damn sure

:7

[matcom]

40. he wanted Will to take a "Ride" with him

NOW it all makes sense!

:D

[meegbear]

43. Holy shit!!

I love it!

Bear! Bear!

Nothing lightens up the day like a fun lune.

[matcom]

45. how ya doin' buddy

:hi:

quite a day huh?

[curse10]

44. LMAO!!!

That was the most surreal experience ever and now it just got better!

[matcom]

46. agreed

:thumbsup: :hi:

[Curse10sBitch]

47. I also am a New York City cop!

Well, none of us are completely shocked.

I think he really was a cop and he had some lady call up pretending he was pretenging because he changed his mind about letting Will ride around with him.

All I know is he kissed my girlfriend. And I think she liked it.

Definitely the highlight of our week.

[matcom]

49. HAHAHAHAHA what's up brother!

YOU DECIDE TO JOIN US!!

:bounce:

Curse10sBitch

CLASSIC!

:hi:

[Curse10sBitch]

51. I can't take credit for the name

It was...um, are you not supposed to use real names here? I don't know anyone's DU name. Okay, I got it. It was SiobhanClancy's idea, I think. AKA The Detective's New Girlfriend. (You thought he was cuuuuute...you wanted to kiiiiiss him...)

Thank you for welcoming me with....a bouncing booger. Makes me feel all warm.

[SiobhanClancy]

61. Hey...

I think YOU are probably more his type than I am:)

[populistmom]

59. Hey there!

Welcome to DU!!!
:)

[Kat45]

77. Good to see you here on DU.

BTW, great user name. LOL

[goobergunch]

48. ROFL!

[Zomby Woof]

52. Next Halloween

I am dressing up as an ex-con posing as a cop so I can feel up Matcom too. :P Gimme $20!

[peacefreak]

53. Are you sure

his name wasn't Cop O'Feel?

[TahitiNut]

74. Well, lots of cops have Irish surnames.

:silly:

[StopTheMorans]

54. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!1

Will, does this mean no "midnight ride" for you and old Johnny, and was Matcom jealous that you got his number? I didn't think last night could get any better, but alas, it has:)

[latebloomer]

55. Heaven help Marge!

He was STILL missing at 11 PM?

[matcom]

56. he was TOTALED

WASTED

SLOSHED

A WEEBLE

Best. Gathering. Ever.

[ForrestGump]

57. You got a

purty mouth, boy.






Scenes from the next DU gathering:

[latebloomer]

58. ROFL!

Doggie too???

[ForrestGump]

65. That's a bit personal, isn't it?

:o

Oh...I see what you mean. :D

[populistmom]

62. Yeah Forrest!

Can you frisk me next time?

[ForrestGump]

66. Are you carrying any concealed weapons I should know about?

Like loaded 38s? :D

Man, I am so cruising for a bruising...

[populistmom]

69. You sure are

Gonna smack ya around with my 38's!!!

[ForrestGump]

72. And me without my helmet and kevlar vest

:o

What a way to go. :D

[populistmom]

73. Blushing now

All the DUers I met yesterday will now know my secret desire to be Jenny. (That girl just did not appreciate your special Gumpliness.)

[matcom]

63. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

that's IT!

you got pics of the Boston DU Gathering!

:D

[ForrestGump]

67. Exclusive!

Man, I totally scooped DS1.

[jmm]

60. I wonder if the precinct address in NY

that he wanted his pictures sent to is real?

[DS1]

68. I'd say that's pretty unlikely

Along with the last name.

Oh well, of course, this means that when the pics are done, they can ALL be shared :7

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

64. Wow! Ya'll met a drunken liar in a bar! Shocking I tell ya!

:D

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

82. Hey, wait... nothing is supposed to shock you anymore?

OMG.

[DinahMoeHum]

70. Matcom did the "elephant walk"?? Bwahahahahaaa!!!

Classic, guys, classic!!

:toast:

[Clete]

75. Ex-bartender here.

Saloons are full of would be actors and fantasizers. He's probably a known "character" in that establishment. You should go back and have some fun with him. Chances are he'll spin into someone else and convince you of this new avater as the "real" him.

[Rhiannon12866]

76. Wow! That was some story!!!

I wish I could have been there and, then again, maybe not!:wow:

[matcom]

78. Best.Gathering.Ever

:D

[Kathy in Cambridge]

79. We have to do this more often, guys!

Though this gathering will be hard to top. I told my family the story this afternoon at my sister's 'bridal spa day'. Everyone was roaring.

[curse10]

80. I agree!

Boston DUers are the best! :-)

[GOPisEvil]

81. Did he say anything about "tossing salads"???

I sure as hell hope not for matcom's sake. :scared:

[Rhiannon12866]

83. This priceless story deserves a kick!

:kick: