I feel really bad

[jiacinto]

I snapped at a friend badly. This afternoon we went driving to Palm Beach and we looked at the mansions. Then I came back to drop him off. It was halftime of the Redskins game. He then called me a few minutes later and asked for a ride to Aventura Mall. I said, okay, even though it meant that I was going to miss the game.

I then went to get him and then these two other people wanted to come. But that meant waiting for them to get ready. I said no, and took him.

Then in the car I blew up about how I had missed the whole third quarter doing the errand and was going to not see any part of the game. I then mentiond how I was angry that he was "busy" yesterday when I needed help with my toilet problem. I have been driving him around the area because I haven't been working and didn't mind.

I dropped him off for his date there at the mall. He looked upset and hurt. I feel really bad. I really do.

The Redskins ended up losing.

[Droopy]

1. Make it up to him in some way

Take it from somebody who's lost several friends. Friends can be hard to come by.

[Tandalayo_Scheisskopf]

2. You are going through Rough Times.

In such times, it is easy to become quite confused. Believe me, I know. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt and the BJ.

Reach out and try to get some therapy. It really helps when one's strength is flagging and someone lends you some of their strength. There is no shame in this. Only respite and healing. Sounds like you could use a little of that. You know, healing? Gets the piss and vinegar right back in you, but with the extra added ingredient of Unimpeachable Compassion. An unbeatable combination. With it, the bastards can never grind you down again.

This is a No Shitter Alert.

[jiacinto]

6. Yeah I know

I was wrong. But I am underst so much stress at the moment.

[latebloomer]

3. Next time take better care of yourself!

If you don't want to drive him, don't sacrifice your wants and needs to his convenience, especially if he doesn't reciprocate.

Just say no, and you won't have to get pissed at him for taking advantage of you.

Tell him you're sorry you blew up at him. That you've been doing too much, and it's not good for you. And sometimes you get a bit pissed if you can't count on him anywhere like how he counts on you. I think that's a legitimate point to raise.

[JanMichael]

4. An OT question: Are these "new" friends?

As in ones you've met since moving to the Miami-Dade area?

[Don_G]

5. You Always Feel Bad

How about getting pissed off at me for a change and do something constructive?

Because, if you don't, I'll post every mistake you've ever made in the DU Lounge for all the world to read....

[XanaDUer]

7. Try being more assertive, not aggressive.

You're in a bad patch now, and it will pass.

Like the toilet thing yesterday-you should have politely insisted that the landlord fix the toilet. You pay rent, that's what you pay it for-they have to fix the stuff that breaks. You should not have to spend one penny of your own money or gas to fix their stuff. Insisting that someone do their job, that you are paying for them to do, is not being mean. As long as you don't verbally abuse them , but remain respectful but firm in what you expect them to do-that's being assertive.

If you need or want to do something, and someone needs a favor, you can say no nicely without hurting them. If they are a real friend, then they will understand. If they are just using you, better to find out as soon as possible. If you want to watch a game, or whatever, and someone wants a long drive that is not an emergency, you can nicely say, 'I'm sorry, but I have been looking forward to watching the game for weeks. Maybe we can do that some other time.'

And hold to it. Apologize to your friend. When people hold stuff in , or do things they don't want to do, then they get mad and have a tendency to 'blow up' over small things that could have been avoided with some self-assertion.

Hope you feel better. :)

[Don_G]

8. Exactly My Opinion

Who cares what and where you live. The only thing you can do to improve our life is to get pissed off and do something about it.

"The Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves."

Get used to it; either you improve your situation like most here or be subject to the critisism from us to you that your 3 degrees won't shield you from.

You're smart and edcuated...use it for a change!

[XanaDUer]

9. Well, some people have problems with being assertive.

I did not mean to criticize him.

He has enough to worry about right now without having to fix toilets that are not his responsibility, or drive people around, either.

Best to start with being assertive in small doses, like bringing back something purchased that you're not happy with for an exchange, etc., and go up from there when the comfort level increases with saying "No."

[Don_G]

11. Either Take Control Of Life In General

Or let someone else do it in their terms...like the "Cop" who had a good "feel" over Matcom.

Shit happens, but you either learn and walk away richer for the experience or you don't.

[Stone Cold]

10. Hey...

...sometimes you gotta learn how to say no once in awhile. You aren't necessarily saying no to be mean to the person, but saying it to make yourself happy. I do that once in awhile.