Are there ANY decent guys in Florida?

[Samurai_Writer]

I moved here 1 1/2 years ago from Houston, Texas. I now live on the treasure coast, which is slightly north of West Palm Beach, FL. Here's the rundown of the guys I have met so far here:

Two stood me up at our first meeting. No phone call, no email, no nothing.

One turned out to be engaged and was playing me in a big way, telling me he wanted me to be 'his woman', while telling her he was finding a 'playmate' for the two of them. (I'm bi)

I met one at a party, spent several hours talking to him, and a couple more hours being intimate with him. He went to get us drinks from the soda machine in the lobby of the hotel, in the middle of the night, and never came back. This was AFTER he had to be assured that I really liked him and it was not a one night stand.

One lied to me and told me he had to move the following week out of state to take care of his aging parent, after our first date. He never did move, of course.

Another guy and I made arrangements for a fun weekend at a group party. At the party, he meets another girl and instead of spending the weekend with me, drives back to his house with her. And expected me to not have a problem with it!

I can't even count the number of married men that have hit on me since I moved here. I am beginning to think there is something wrong with me! But I NEVER had these problems with I lived in Houston, and had a great social life there. So what IS it with guys in Florida? Are they all lying, cheating jerks?

All I'm looking for is a single, nonsmoker who doesn't lie, doesn't play games, and is liberal and open-minded. Is that too much to ask???

RadFemFL

[Don_G]

1. I Was In Florida In August

On the Emerald Coast. We must have missed each other.

[7th_Sephiroth]

30. its cause your in south fl

come up here to nw florida and you'll be treated better (south florida is just full of assholes and retiree's)

[Phatfish]

2. I am a guy and I was born & raised in West Palm

and I can tell you that So. Florida is full of assholes. I'm even friends with some of them. But there are great guys there just like most other places. Just keep your head up and don't give up. I feel really bad for you and pissed at those guys becasue those types of men give decent guys like us a bad name. I wish you the best and I am sure you will find something good as long as you keep your eyes open.

[Misinformed01]

3. "nice men"

do NOT invite nice women into hotel rooms at the party.

If they do, nice women get offended and leave the party.

[Samurai_Writer]

22. Are we liberated or not???

Just FYI, I invited HIM to my hotel room. Jesus, are we living in the 21st century or the 1950s? If I find a man intelligent and attractive and want to be intimate with him, that does NOT make me a 'bad girl'. It makes me a woman who is completely comfortable with her sexuality. I spent several hours with this guy beforehand learning everything about him, and having quite an intense conversation. I didn't just meet him and half an hour later was have sex with him. It's not like I'm doing this every night. Not even every month. Look at my post, in the past 1 1/2 years I have slept with 3 guys. Two of them one time, one of them a couple times.

[MissMillie]

31. liberated?

what's liberated got to do w/ it?

Fact is, you didn't learn everything about this guy in the "several hours" you spent w/ him, because if you had you would have known what he was up to.

It's true, you're not a "bad girl" for taking a man to bed after such a short amount of time. However, if you're looking for something that's going to last longer than the one night, you'd be wise to give yourself more than "several hours" to get to know someone. If they're just in it for sex, they won't put the effort in. If they're interested in getting to know you, they will.

[Misinformed01]

37. "Liberated" has nothing to do with this;

women were taking men to hotel rooms in the '50s too.

You wrote about wanting to meet "nice" men. I assume by "nice" you meant a man that wanted a relationship; and I am also assuming that you want a relationship that involves mutual respect.

Casual, after party sex is usually just that--I am sorry he was tacky enough to leave in the middle of the night...that is just trashy on his part...however, he probably did it because he was too much of a coward to tell you in the morning that it was just casual.

As far as your comment about being "liberated"--the pill only gave women freedom from pregnancy most of the time; it did not "liberate" them from having to deal with men's attitudes about women and sexuality.

About the married men: if you suspect a man is married, ask for his home phone number, not the cell or office, and tell him that you will call him to let him know if you are free on Saturday night for dinner or a movie. Better yet, offer to drive.

[Samurai_Writer]

41. I'm not looking for a lifelong commitment!

Just a decent guy that I can go out with and have fun with on a regular basis. I'm not interested in living with anyone, I spent the first 40 years of my life living with parents and then my kids. I'm enjoying living alone for once! But I would like someone to come over and spend the night or weekend on occasion.

[Misinformed01]

42. I never said anything about living together

or a lifelong partner.

I said that being "liberated" sexually doesn't offer a guarantee of respect from men, or women since you are bi.

I think you sound like a pleasant person, personally. I just think you need to figure out what you are doing to attract jackasses.

[phgnome]

4. Outta luck for the time being

I have a theory that everyone breaks up and hooks up all at once. I've been noticing this for a few years now -- this social phenomenon. It seems to correspond with the state of the economy -- when facing an economic downturn, everyone splits up. When the economy improves, everyone pairs up until the next downturn. I know it sounds crazy and I've been told here before to remember to take my prozac when I tried to discuss this.

But I'm not the only one that notices this. My friend, who works at a bank processing the merging and splitting of assets has noticed this phenomenon, as well. She gets super busy when the economy changes seasons. Either she gets a lot of splitting of assets on her desk or there's very few and she becomes bombarded with merging of assets.

There is some logic behind it and I believe that the media drives it. I've looked at a series of programming on airwave stations and noticed that they either all talk about break ups (consistently, each show on a station is about break ups all night) or they talk about hooking up all night. Some months, they go through periods where all the sitcoms talk about having children.

I thought about why they do this. I arrived at this theory about a year ago and me and my significant other just split up about 2 months ago. Now I know why they do this. The economics: to drive consumer demand. When me and my boyfriend split up, we no longer lived in one household -- now we live in separate households and are, therefore, paying double rent. Transportation: two cars are now required (I'm still working on getting one because we shared cars before). Double the gas consumption -- we don't car pool anymore. When you split up, you feel slightly bad about yourself and you try to pick yourself up by buying new clothes, shoes, and personal accessories. And all the furniture I've had to buy. When my friend and her boyfriend split up, she took a vacation that cost her $7,000 (people often travel to try to get away from their personal problems). Remember the ripple effect: for each dollar spent in the economy generates $100,000 of economic activity. Men will tend to go out more and drink more. They will go out to more bars because they are now single, looking for another mate.

Similarly, when there is a boom, you need people to start merging assets and living arrangements because you want to make it so that inflation doesn't get out of control by too much consumer demand.

The media has put a red light on relationships by putting these thoughts in people's heads over and over again, until they believe that this is the way they feel about their own relationships (the sitcoms play a role in psychological modelling).

So many people around me are splitting up or questioning their own relationships, not really knowing why but just expressing general unhappiness and boredom. Everyone says the exact same thing and they think that their reasons for splitting up are unique. There is a period of time where communication policy makers (with the cooperation of the media tycoons that are literally all owned by a very small group of people) encourage the population to "play the field". Why? Because the search for a new mate generates economic activity.

It almost seems like a game of musical chairs. The men will all act like jerks all at once and when the media gives them the green light to be nice guys again (because the economy begins to improve), they will believe that whoever they are with is the right one to settle with for now.

Believe me, it's not you. I really think there is nothing wrong with you. You sound like a decent, level-headed person. I think you may have just entered another media zone. Just wait it out and know that there is nothing wrong with you or, alternatively, find another media zone where the airwaves don't overlap. Try to find a guy that's not easily influenced and can think for himself. A dude that would fall into this brain washing trap is weak-minded in the first place and is likely to be influenced by religion anyway. I really hope you won't tell me that I've forgotten to take my prozac. I've put a lot of thought into this and I can see a lot of evidence to substantiate what I'm telling you. There is nothing wrong with you and it's not you.

[brainshrub]

5. In a word...No.

Florida is an armpit. I should know...I was raised there.

I moved to NC in 1999, so the only decent men left in Florida are my two brothers & dad. And just in case your curious: One of my brothers is gay, the other is happily married.

[Misinformed01]

6. I just married a man from FL

We were at a convention 2 weeks ago, and I met several nice bachelors.

?

btw, I am in NC..what part are you in?

[brainshrub]

29. Asheville, NC

Great town. Send me a PM if you and your husband want a tour of the city.

[Samurai_Writer]

35. Yes, but what about your Dad???

*grins* Just teasing.

[ClintonTyree]

7. We're here.................

we're just not hanging around in bars and the party scene. I don't mind an occasional drink, but the party scene isn't for me. I can honestly say I've never met a woman that I'd like to spend quality time with at an alcohol related event. We're not the flashy movers and shakers who dominate the Florida social scene. No gold chains, speed boats, Versace linen suits, Italinan shoes or $400,000 cars. We're the ones doing the thankless jobs that perpetuate the entire smoke and mirrors illusion that is Florida. Look elsewhere, we're here.

[DemmieGal]

9. Same here...NEVER met a guy in a bar!

I totally agree...

Hey, my first post on DU...I caught this thread because I am in Miami! I think the guys here are nice!

[Supply Side Jesus]

11. welcome to du emmiegal

:hi:

[Samurai_Writer]

23. I don't normally go to bars, either

The only time I go is when the social club I belong to has parties. I have had much luck with them when I went to the parties in Texas, met some really nice people. But every one I have been to here in Florida, all I have met are losers.

I normally meet people through social groups that I belong to, online and in real life. These groups specifically cater to women like me (BBWs) and people who find them attractive. In south Florida, if you're not young and thin, you might as well not exist, I've found. So if you have any other suggestions about where a pretty, intelligent, openminded, bi fat chick can meet a decent guy (or girl!), I'm more than open to suggestions.

[Samurai_Writer]

25. I'm not looking for much...

DumpGump writes:

"We're not the flashy movers and shakers who dominate the Florida social scene. No gold chains, speed boats, Versace linen suits, Italinan shoes or $400,000 cars. "

Heck, I would be satisfied with a decent guy (or girl) who pays their own bills, has some type of transportation, is emotionally stable, intelligent, and has good hygiene. I'm definitely NOT the flashy type... shorts and tshirts are my standard 'uniform', I rarely wear makeup except when getting dressed up, and I am extremely laid-back. I enjoy just hanging out, cooking meals, watching movies, going to the beach (it's only 5 minutes from my apt), going camping, swimming, hiking. I'm a down-to-earth person in a plastic, snobby, fake world, it seems.

Just FYI, I manage a dept. of technical writers for a company in the health industry, drive a 7 year old VW, live in a 2 BR apt with two cats. Former professional musician and former professional chef. Volunteer my time to help people find family members lost via closed adoption.

Anyone want to go camping?

[DEM FAN]

8. Man. To Bad You Do Not Live Closer To Me.

I Am A Non-Smoker..I Am Liberal.. The Only Games I Play Are Xbox And
PS2. :-)

[rppper]

14. another nice central floridian here......

divorced, single parent, liberal, can cook, do windows and help recovering addicts for a living.....oh, did i say i ride motorcycles AND i also grew up in NE Texas too???.....you're looking in all the wrong places...we are out there.....

[corarose]

10. An Old Woman that I use to work with once told me

If you want a Drunk go to a bar and pick up a man.

[HEyHEY]

17. I'm a drunk and I resent that!

;-)

[leftofthedial]

12. No. We all live in Colorado/

Didn't you get the memo?

[corarose]

13. Don_G is a nice guy why don't you invite him to Florida?

:kick:

[corarose]

43. Please contact him

He is a nice guy!

[auH2Olost]

15. Too much to ask for

Exactly about half of the people in Flordia are below and above average.

You first must determine your standing and then divide and decide that
which you seek is a product of the sum of your offering.

[HEyHEY]

16. Any guy who says he wants you to "Be his woman"

Is a fucking dork and you should run. Run far away.

[corarose]

18. Run don't walk

Because you know that he is feeding you a line of BS anyway.

We learn by our mistakes and I have made tons of them.

I have come to the point in my life that I know that I will be alone the rest of my life.

I was hurt real bad and I don't want that to ever happen again.

The Dork must have read a book on how to F*ck women over.

[He loved Big Brother]

19. I grew up in West Palm Beach.

My answer is "no". A big fat no. You have to try to mold your own.

[Phatfish]

40. hehe

very funny.

[JanMichael]

20. I know several in Sarasota.

All decent, good-looking & Liberal, guys in their late 20's early 30's.

I would have added myself but I'm not single anymore.:-)

[radwriter0555]

21. Sounds like an awful lotta work just to have someone hanging around

the house.

Sit back, relax, make friends. The others will come along eventually. And yes, the men in Florida do suck.

[Samurai_Writer]

24. I have gone out...

about four times in the past 1 1/2 years. So sit back, relax, and wait for them to come to me? Well, I've been doing that, and it isn't happening. Heck, I can't even find anyone I want to be friends with around where I live, which is 99% white, conservative, christian, rabidly pro-life and most are racist and homophobic on top of that. I just do not fit in because I'm a liberal, atheist, pro-choice, bisexual, brown-skinned person (1/2 Israeli).

Any other suggestions? Moving is not an option. I can't afford it and I can't give up the great job that I moved here for.

[radwriter0555]

39. Volunteer work. The BEST place to meet people with whom you have things

in common. Animal Shelters, Children's hospitals, Red Cross, American Cancer Society, local theater; whatever moves your heart. There, you find the people who also have the same passions you do.

Every single person who has ever had the guts to take me up on that "volunteer" challenge has changed their life by doing so. From meeting future spouses, new best friends, getting great jobs, when you give of yourself, somehow it comes back in unimagined riches. Go for it.

[JVS]

26. Jiacinto lives on Florida

[KG]

33. heh.

[JVS]

45. What?

[luckyluke]

27. No (nt)

[GOPisEvil]

28. Too bad you aren't still in Houston...

...Austin is just a short drive away. :evilgrin:

I wish I had a good friend in Florida I could hook you up with. :-)

[KG]

32. hey, I'm in FL!

St Pete! :hi:

FL is a wierd place. all the freaks that used to move to california now move here. i guess the men are using jeb as a moral compass or something.

there are cool people in FL, just take awhile to smoke 'em out..

[SiobhanClancy]

34. The most liberal guys I know live down in the Keys..

although most of them are a bit..laid back..shall we say:)

[LTR]

36. We live in the midwest

Decent guys are intimidated by Florida due to fear of getting too drunk and waking up next to Katherine Harris.

[bif]

38. Nah, they're all here in Michigan

n/t

[FloridaJudy]

44. Nope. No Decent Guys Here.

I married the last one. He dumped because I had the bad luck to get old...

Simce then he's been dating a succession of younger women. Can you imagine how delicious it is to have your ex-husband's mistress call you and complain that he's cheating on her with younger women?

[TSIAS]

46. I live in FL

Jupiter, to be specific. I'm a guy, so it's kind of hard for me to assess the quality of single males here. I wasn't aware that the scene was so bleak.

[KG]

47. you're one of them too, Taylor!

you just pretend to be a nice college kid, then you go out and break all those sorority sisters' hearts! :hi: