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Tuesday, November 04, 2003
DHAL D FOR DRUGS
Fill has a cunning plan, which he whispers to Minty (I reckon this is short for Araminta), and they spend the rest of the ep cackling conspiratorially. O-Den is suspicious when he sees Fill handing huge wodges of cash to Gary Neville, who seems to have become a dodgy electrician. Maybe Man U is adopting the Ajax system and training their players in alternative trades in preparation for their retirement from Premiership football. Arsenal might be advised to do something similar for Francis Jeffers. He could be a deep sea diver.
Slutty is horrible to Fool and is wearing a pink v-neck jumper that does absolutely nothing for her. Drippy seems to have forgotten that she cleans houses for a living and spends the entire day perched on a barstool, looking concerned. Fool looks martyred when Slutty buggers off for the day, leaving her Bridezilla Honeymoon Brochures behind her.
Fill’s Cunning Plan Pt 2. He finds a flimsy pretext to visit the club – ostensibly to invite Squeaky to MiniFill’s birthday party. Denman goes to fetch Squeaky and Gary Neville stages a freak power cut. Fill plants what looks like a packet of yellow split peas at the back of the bar, and runs out, giggling. Denman calls Gary Neville in to fix the power cut, O-Den meets Gary on the way out and glowers suspiciously.
I cannot believe we have another parent and child fighting for the love of AN Other. We’ve had Biancaaa vs Carol for Dastardly Dan; Slutty and Teen for Dr Perv; and now the latest is Dadvis and Ash for Drippy Shirley. Dadvis asks Shirley out, and Shirley says mmm…well OK. She offers to meet chez Ferreira and returns Ash’s book. They exchange longing looks, and then Dadvis whisks her off to the pub.
Meanwhile, Fill’s party for MiniFill is in full swing. AGarry keeps putting his arm around Simpleton and not noticing her flinching – or maybe he’s used to it. Then Araminta lights the huge firework display that he has somehow managed to set up in McArfur Park without the council knowing.
Just as the first rocket sails into the air, DS Fat Bastard and his Porky Plods turn up with a search warrant for the nightclub. Denman and O-Den are in the middle of ransacking the place, looking for whatever Fill has planted while Shazza goes: “But he wouldn’t do that. He’s my ex-boyfriend and he still loves me. I know he does.” Mentalist. DS FB’s boys give the place a thorough going over, but O-Den spots the dhal/drugs behind the bar and pockets them before the coppers notice. After the police apologise and leave, Shazza and Denman want to sort it aaaht with Fill for once and for all, but O-Den holds them back and puts his Angel of Vengeance face, promising he’ll sort Fill ahhht for once and for all…but not yet. Oh no, not yet.
Shirley gives Dadvis the brush-off, and Dadvis returns home to console himself with a bottle of whisky and a Razzle mag. He discovers that Ash is out, and that he’s not really teaching evening classes after all. Oh no!
Araminta’s fireworks cause mayhem at the Moons’. Ethel 2.0 thinks the Luftwaffe is flying overhead, and keeps screaming hysterically. Fool tells Drippy and Backstreet to close the pub down before somebody calls the police. Slutty drops by to pick up her Bridezilla brochures and hears the screams. She runs upstairs, calms down Ethel and takes her for a nice walk. Ethel asks her about her impending nuptials and Fool runs through another lovely set of sad looks for the calendar.
Oh yes, Baz/Juhneen. Juhneen avoids Bazza all day. Bazza confides in Bad Brutha, who tries to hide his pain behind a veil of cigarette smoke. In the end, Juhneen says yes because as God is her witness, she'll never go hungry again.
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