NASCAR Sucks

[Squatch]

Daily Dose - By: The Sports PhD
NASCAR SUCKS

(Non-Athletic Sport Centered Around Rednecks)

Spurned by the effort put forth by ‘Rios in The Booth regarding his distaste for Soccer, The Sports PhD figured why not alienate and piss off more readers. The following chronicles why NASCAR SUCKS:

1. The ‘SC’ in NASCAR stands for stock car. Stock car means these cars are from the factory, or actual models. Last I checked, when buying a Lumina, the Jeff Gordon options package was not available.

2. NASCAR is the largest spectator sport in the States. This is true. It is a spectator sport. You cannot play, since ‘stock’ cars aren’t really used. Can you go out back with your son and play NASCAR? It is the sport of white trash, and they cannot afford these ‘stock’ cars. Ask, “Do you like to play NASCAR?” Is there even a response for that?

3. Those people who wear those ugly pit crew jackets of their favorite driver. I just have to laugh. Do women think this is attractive? They know on a nice summer weekend day, they will be stuck watching racing for 5 hours on TV? This leads to #4.

4. Domestic Violence.

5. The defenders of NASCAR detailing the tailgating and barbecuing which is so good at the races. Last I checked; this is done at most sporting events.

6. How many times have I wrote, “last I checked” so far? Two.

7. Average IQ of NASCAR fan? See #6.

8. Cheating is essential to the sport. I cannot plead ignorance because I have seen specials about this. Removable panels to pass weight check, and multiple alterations between inspection and the race. Very ethical. “Hey Cletus, let’s rob da dem there bank!”

9. The people who drive the “Tricked Out” Monte Carlo’s cause they think they are playing NASCAR. When they are almost home, do they call their wives telling them they need 4 tires?

10. People who call drivers athletes.

11. 4 out of 5 NASCAR fans have 3 teeth.

12. 4 out of 5 NASCAR fans prefer shot gunning a beer.

13. NASCAR drivers have hot chicks. This pisses me off. But does it really? Would I really want some girl who wants a NASCAR driver? My head says no, and I really do not want VD.

14. Country Music.

15. Not enough death to make it interesting.

16. Winning under the yellow flag. This would be like winning during a timeout in basketball.

17. Dale Earnhardt immortalized.

18. Turning left.

19. Gay midget porn.

20. How does The PhD fix NASCAR? Paint a yellow dotted line down the middle of the track making two lanes. Not a solid lane cause passing is allowed. Run half the cars in one direction on the top half of the track, and the other half the other direction on the bottom half. To pass, you need to pass on the other side of the track, head on with the other cars. Just imagine…

[Deja Q]

1. It's the sport of trash, most (if not all) of which are white...

I dunno how #19 qualifies either, unless you're referring to the size of their, um, "bananas"...

[Boo Boo]

2. IRL Rocks!

You can still win under caution though...

:shrug:

[dad]

3. /

One thing is for sure: no sport is more fan-friendly than NASCAR. You can bring in a cooler full of your own food and beer. Try that at a baseball game.

[Shoeempress]

4. And don't forget, hours of high speed driving to end up at the same place

you started. The ultimate futility sport.

[EstimatedProphet]

5. Locking

Inflammatory