Matrix Revolutions: the nickel tour (spoilers)

[Stupdworld]

for those who want to get the gist of it without spending the dough, here's the nickel tour:

. Neo is unconscious in the real world, but is stuck in the matrix in some program loop created by mr frenchyfrench man. Except its a train station. And he is hanging out with Apu Nahasapeetapetalan and his hot wife and kid. They can get on the train, but the dude from "Bumfights" wont let him on.
2. Trinity Morpheus and Low-Fat (the chinese kung fu guy) talk to the new oracle (cause the person who played the old one died) and decide to go to some s and m club. No longer is it just boobs behind tight clothes, this time its plain out boobage. with nip twisting. they fight some wierd dudes who walk on the ceiling.
3. they make a deal with mr huhuhu frenchyfrench man and his top heavy girlfriend to get neo out of the bumfights train station.
4. meanwhile a bunch of robotic calamari are getting closer to zion.
5. neo goes the new oracle and finds out only he knows how to save zion.
6. bane, the guy who agent smith "occupied", wakes up and kills some chick. the guy who plays bane does a dead on vocal impersonation of smith.
7. neo and trinity decide theyre going to take the fresh prince's wife's ship and go to the machine city. Agent Smith is too friggin powerful and he is going to kill EVERYTHING. everything. i mean it.
8. agent smith goes to the oracle and calls her mom. then he takes over her body. total number of agent smiths: several thousand. total neos: 1.
9. about an hour long battle happens when the squid, minus the marinara sauce, and some giant bob the builder style drills break a lot of stuff and hurt people. the people fight back.
10. As trinity and neo get closer to the city, turns out Bane/Agent smith is on board. they have a fight, neo wins, but is blinded when bane/smith burns his eyes out with an electrical cord.
Intelligent Neo Quote #445: "You're going to have to drive"
11. they get to the city, but only after narrowly avoiding getting caps in their asses by the robots. they dive above the robot systems and break the cloud level. for a moment, they see the sky beyond the burnt out atmosphere, and behold the sun. "we love to fly and it shows"
12.they crash horribly into some spire in the middle of the power plant of the main robot city. trinity dies.
13. neo wanders his way around, but the deal is he can see the robot energy, just not anything else.
14. some big spiky headed machine threatens neo. neo tells machine smith is too powerful and only he can beat him. in response, they sign a roadmap to peace.
15. neo goes back into the matrix, and fights smith while about a million smiths watch on.
16. the fight looks like a non cartoon version of a dragon ball z fight. complete with midair flight/fight.
17. best image of the movie: "bullet time" of neo punching smith in the face, complete with smith's fat face jiggling.
18. neo lets smith eventually take over his body. in the real world, the spiky headed thing has neo's body plugged in, so somehow it ctrl alt deletes smith, and all the smith copies go bye bye.
19. neo assumes the christ crucifixion pose, the spiky headed robot says "it is done" (no religious imagery here, folks, move right along)
20. back at zion, the robots had the humans on their last leg, but because of the defeat of smith, the robots enact a truce with the humans
21. back in the matrix, everything returns to normal. the architect looks pretty pissed, and has words with the oracle, who makes fun of him. the little apu girl from the beginning makes a nice sunshine.
22. a bunch of latin chorus music plays
23. the end
_________________

[The Backlash Cometh]

1. You're lying.

Neo is coming back in the sequel.

[Frangible]

7. no, that's the jist of it, i just got back from seeing it (nt)

[Junkdrawer]

2. From what I can see on the Matrix discussion boards...

That may be a pretty accurate nickle tour. Everyone was bummed that a truce between man & machine was how it ended.

[youngred]

10. Why?

It's the only concieveable way for it to end. The Humans will never beat the Machines, the Machines can beat the humans but lose everything to Smith.

[Ediacara]

3. but but but

wasn't Zion destroyed and everyone in it killed at the end of the second movie?

[THUNDER HANDS]

4. no

that was one of the ships

[Zech Marquis]

5. I'm still going to see it tomorrow

sounds betetr than what the so called critics were bitching about there being no plot :evilgrin:

[lefty_mcduff]

8. Just saw the Matrix.

"There is no spoon". No, there is no frikkin' plot. And the dialogue sucks. Robot vs human action scenes rock though.

[EarlG]

6. LOL

I just saw it. That's exactly what happens :)

[THUNDER HANDS]

9. sounds like a plausable ending

If you've seen the Animatrix, you'll know why humans could never defeat the machines.

A truce is the only way humanity could have survived.