Don't get mad - Get even!

[TXlib]

Do you have a sweet revenge story? Post it here!

[el_gato]

1. not really revenge but instant Karma

one day me and some friends were coming back from eating out
and were pulling onto the feeder road. this jerk in a BMW comes flying around the curve going way too fast behind us honking and giving us the finger. when he gets the chance he hauls ass around us and swerves in front of us while honking and acting like an asshole. well anyway,
when he swerved in front of us he lost control of the car spun around and slammed into the cement barrier that divides the feeder from the highway.

noone got hurt but his car shure did get smashed up

we laughed all the way home

[radwriter0555]

2. ooooooooo! Had a roommate who just became evil... so I

had asked her to move out, with notice, all those things, and as it turned out, she had decided to leave as well. We were on the same page. But.. she turned it nasty.

So in revenge, I did things like leave the bathroom without toilet paper.

Emptied the dishwasher detergent, and left it empty. She couldn't use it to wash her dishes. And the dish soap for the sink got mysteriously empty too. I knew she wouldn't go out and buy some, since her move was only a few days off.

Then I shut off the water to the washing machine at the faucet. So when she went to run a load, all it did was make a huge THUD. AFTER she had emptied the last of the almost empty liquid detergent onto them. She thought she broke it, and had no idea it was that simple.

So none of it was serious, but wretchedly inconvenient for her. Made me laugh my butt off!

[plainjane]

3. I'm getting even.

Yesterday on DU a posting reported that GMAC was a supporter of Faux. Today I have completed an application to change our mortage to the local credit union and I will contact GMAC to tell them why.

[TXlib]

4. When I was a grad student

I lived on the first floor of an apartment complex that was infested with undergrads.

One year, my upstairs neighbors were a couple of party animals who had loads of people over every night, and played loud music til 3 in the morning.

I discovered that the circuit breakers for all the apartments were just outside my door.

I'd shut off their power, hear a collective "Awwwww!" from upstairs, and all the undergrads would trump downstairs to go to somebody else's apartment, instead.

After everybody left, I'd turn their power back on, so nobody would know what happened.

[Loonman]

5. Loud college punks next door, 5 night a week partiers

1) obtain condom

2) open and unroll condom

3) insert teaspoon of lotion/mayonnaise mixture into condom

4) put thin layer of vaseline-type substance onto outside of condom, or better yet, use a lubed one

5) at butt-crack of dawn one-loop tie condom around front screen door handle so "full" end hangs down, making sure condom does not slip off of handle

6) if it's a Saturday, open your window and listen to the reaction

[cally]

6. You scare me

I never want to annoy you. The brownies, the power, the explosion. Can I be your friend instead. :hug: I'm going to ask you what to do when someone pisses me off. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to bully your kids.

[TXlib]

8. Everybody needs a friend like me.

[Tyler Durden]

7. In court with the "EX" today....

Totally self-centered, self-absorbed. Clueless. Anyway, she got all self-righteous about Aug 1 and filed a case against me. She never served papers, but being the sharpie I am, I figured out what she was doing, got copies of the case, and waited it out.

Sure enough, one week before the 90 day drop dead date, she sends the process server. The court date was this morning.

She wants more "parenting time," like I ever denied her before-NOT, but she wants ME to help pay for time/gas/plane tickets. NOPE. Also has an order to prevent me from moving. Court doesn't have jurisdiction but can assume it, So off to court we went.

I actually talked to both lawyers without her there so I could tell hers how cooperative I wanted to be, and we all thought we had the stipulations agreed to. How Wrong We Were.

It's not like this was ever in doubt, it was headed for Friend of the Court, but SHE figures the judge would just be able to SEE how right she was and find for her. Nope. He took jurisdiction and referred it to Friend of the Court.

SHE HIT THE CEILING. INSTANT crying hysteria: "THIS IS THE SAME THING HE DID IN TEXAS-JUDGE YOU CAN'T DO THIS-THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT-THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!" while she ran up and down the wall of the court room. I kid you not.

The whole court is watching "Jerry Springer Live" going on. The Judge: "Counsellor, control your client." He frog marches her out of the room and you can hear her ranting all the way to the elevator, leaving her attorney behind.

He's headed after her, so I figure to be a nice guy and warn him that she has been known on occasion to carry a loaded 9mm with her in the car from NY, so he should be careful (this is not a lie, but the truth).

He thanks me, case goes to Friend of the Court.

Wowsers.

[TXlib]

9. What does Friend of the Court mean?

[TrogL]

12. Reminds me of one of my court dates

My wife and I were in court over something or other and I think the judge was getting really suspicious because this divorce seemed waaaaaaaay too friendly especially when we all walked out together talking about which restaurant we wanted to go to after.

When we got out in the hall, another couple was having an absolute knock down, drag 'em out, top the lungs argument outside another courtroom. Court officials were sidling up getting ready to throw them out.

[Squeech]

10. Cosmic comeuppance in Brazil

The first time Mrs. Squeech and I went to Brazil, we were trying to get from Vitoria (on the coast, 6 hrs north of Rio de Janeiro) to Belo Horizonte (capital of Minas Gerais, in the interior).

There are many many bus companies in Brazil, and they cooperate even less than they do here: as opposed to the old Greyhound station in American downtowns where they'd also sell you the Bonanza ticket if that's where you wanted to go, in Brazil every bus line has its own counter. And this also means that the onus is on you to figure out which line(s) go where you want to go. There were three companies out of the couple dozen represented that did the Vitoria to Belo route, and two of them turned out to be unavailable in our time frame (sold out, or only ran on the weekend, I forget exactly), which left Sao Geraldo as the only remaining choice. They're a big company, with lots of routes, and the line was long.

The other relevant point is that Brazilians seem to think it's okay to cut in line. So we were a dozen people away from the ticket window for an awfully long time, while people who hadn't actually waited barged in ahead of us and bought their tickets.

So when we finally got to the window, it turned out there was only one ticket left on that night's bus to Belo-- and of course the both of us wanted to go. We asked if we could buy the one ticket and have the other one of us on standby, in case there was a no-show, but they told us we couldn't do that. So we bought tickets for the next night. (It was an overnight bus ride, like a red-eye flight.) And we did get on the bus the next night.

Around dawn the next morning, we were meandering through the tortuous mountain roads on our way to Belo, when the bus suddenly came to a stop. There was a big tow truck with a humongous winch blocking traffic. As we watched, it pulled up a Sao Geraldo bus from out of the ravine next to the highway, where it had fallen in. The top of the bus was mashed in, just about down to where the windows began. You guessed it, it was the previous night's bus. All but six people died, and those six must have spent weeks in traction. It was not known whether those six had waited patiently in line.

So nowadays when people cut in front of us in line, we don't yell at them. We just tell that story. Loudly.

[Red State Rebel]

11. Love that instant karma...here's my story

We own a business situated on service road along a busy highway. It is on a long straight stretch that is just too tempting to some of the local idiot teenagers who think they are up and coming drag racers. One particularly annoying punk had a very loud car and was always a nuisance. The guy with a business next to ours (an automotive shop)talked to him and asked him to back off for safety reasons. The idiot got mad at him, peeled out of his driveway and proceeded about 100 feet down the road where his engine promptly blew. It was classic! We were dying laughing as he got out cursing and kicking his car. What was even better was his dad came along and they pushed it into our neighbors business to have it repaired.

Moments like this make me believe there is a God.