I'm so tired of waking up in the middle of the night...

[VelmaD]

I got the news about Andy at an insanely early hour. It's like my body is bracing for that call again every night. So I pop up out of bed, heart pounding, and it takes forever to put myself back down...convince myself that it's ok, that it's all real, but that it is ok, that I can sleep. If I'm really lucky I believe myself. If I'm really really lucky I don't wake up again (and again) before the alarm goes off.

I'm really tired. I'm babbling. Sorry. I suppose I'm hoping that writing it down, saying it out loud, naming it...will diminish it's power somehow.

[yvr girl]

1. I think you might be onto something

:hug:

[LosinIt]

2. Waking in the middle of the night is a sign of depression

be careful. Take care of yourself. Try chamomile tea, melatonin, and Ambien as a last resort to sleep soundly. BTW, Ambien is generally prescribed in 10mg caplets, but I have found that cutting them in half works great too.

[VelmaD]

5. Oh, I know I have situational depression...

Between losing Andy and the man who has been my best friend for 16 years starting chemo in a couple of weeks...I figure it's pretty normal to be depressed. On top of everything else I've been off my normal diet and exercise routine. That doesn't help. I need to get "back on the wagon" so to speak. Not gonna be easy though...I'm about to start several weeks of traveling for work and that always screws up my sleep.

I need to start meditating before bed at the very least.

Thanks for the advice adn concern. :hug:

[Ladyhawk]

3. So sorry, VelmaD. :(

Today I thought about those closest to Andy and how they must be feeling. I'm sorry you're still being tormented in the night. Are you dreaming much? Or do you never quite get to that stage? For years after my father's death, I had the same recurring dream, more of a nightmare, really. I still have it, occasionally. If it got really scary, I would wake up.

If you haven't, think about consulting a counselor. A good one can help you sort out those feelings. In the meantime, you need to sleep, so consulting a doc might not be a bad idea, either. :) If Ambien can help the shrub sleep at night after all the suffering he's caused, surely a good soul like you could be helped. (Then again, the shrub may not have a conscience. Who knows? :shrug:)

I can't sleep tonight either...probably it was the late dinner and the Close Encounter of the Fundy Kind.

I still think about Andy every day. He hasn't been forgotten and he never will be.

[VelmaD]

6. No dreaming...

or at least none that I remember...either of which would be incredibly rare for me. I tend to dream in vivid technicolor, surround sound, smell-o-vision, 3-D. :) And I pretty much always remember them.

I'd make a lousy counseling patient...got a degree in social work...we're lousy patients. :) I know what's "wrong" with me. Actually that's one of my big issues right now...I refuse to feel like my way of grieving is somehow "wrong". I've given myself permission to be sad.

[Skittles]

4. welcome to my world

that's been my sleeping pattern my entire life - sleeping 2, 3 hours at a time