So my brother & his wife come to my birthday party and put food on my tab

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

They leave at around 9 and when I leave at 11 I find a $35 tab for my one plate of food. They didn't even bring a freaking card! Should I call him up and cus him out (which will come to nothing in the end) or just add it t o my pile of resentments? I love my brother but, ever since he married this woman, he sucks.

[bearfan454]

1. I wouldn't say anything CSTT

Add it to your shitlist reasons.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

6. I think that's how it's gonna go down

It really gets me pissed, however.

[hobbit709]

2. Do the same to him

on his birthday.

[Maat]

3. Can you just pay it?

Of course, if I paid it, and I then knew he did that, I might not invite him again.

And you have my sympathies about the sister-in-law.

Many have been down that road before .. I'll say no more because a certain relative might be watching.

[Shell Beau]

4. That certainly was rude. I would still let

him know you don't appreciate being taken advantage of (especially on your birthday). You don't have to say it in a mean manner, but he should be made aware. If you keep resenting him for these type things, it could ruin your relationship. I believe in putting it on the table.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

11. That's my instinct. But I've done that before and nothing came of it.

You are right, though.

[Shell Beau]

12. Well, you know best what will work.

Just do what you feel is the right thing.

[RandomKoolzip]

5. Call him up and tell him you're in the emergency room under a

fake name. Then, when he comes down there to help you out, attach a "Kevorkian Scarf" to his throat and commence inflatin'.

He didn't ASK if he could put it on your tab?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

8. No sir - he just did it

And a Kevorkian scarf he shall have!

[asthmaticeog]

7. WOW, that's weak!

I don't know about cussing him out, but you should definitely let him know you're not cool with being stuck with the tab on your own birthday. He could have at least ASKED. How unbelievably shitty, I'm sorry.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

9. He's beena complete fuckwad lately

He and I used to be incredible tight. That was before - HER. Ask Cassandra Uprising - when she and I painted their house they would do things like make dinner and not offer any of it to us while we're painting. That shit just adds up.

[asthmaticeog]

14. That's insane.

Dolo & Hedges fed me & the BtBMs when we helped paint, and we're not even related. Ugh, I'm sorry about that situation. Sounds like your sis-in-law could use a dose of class.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

18. Indeed

At one point, when I was painting, I ordered a pizza, announced I was going to get it and ate it in the room I was painting. When I finnished half of it I put the leftovers in my car. I did it all very noisily and they got the point. They're just fucking clueless.

[Tsiyu]

37. That's just frickin' rude.

Who raised this woman? Jackals?

[peacebird]

40. that is just RUDE

on the one hand ripping him a new orafice might feel good in the short term, but you say you have mentioned things in the past and nothing came of it... And this is your brother, even if he is with a total controlling b***h...

I would let it ride BUT be certain you instruct any wait staff in the future that you have your own tab! That and remember to be busy washing your hair when they happen to need chores done like house painting.....!

They are people users, and abusers - how much do you really want to spend time with them?

Maybe kinda beg off except holidays and such, but remember tell the wait staff - separate checks and you get a good tip!

Sorry your brother is with such a twit...

[Greyhound]

10. If my sibling did that, she would never, ever hear the end of it! JMO n/t

[GOPisEvil]

13. Damn...that takes chutzpah...

You could just call calmly, tell him you'd have gladly paid for his meal, if he'd asked. Tell him you just don't appreciate being blindsided.

And if he gets all pissy, THEN cuss him out. AND add it to your list.

Can you tell I have no siblings? :D

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

15. Spoken like a true only child!

Seriously - he will bring up the thousands of times when he bought me food when we were teenagers (he's 4 years older than me) as his defense. Still - on my birthday? This little vent session is helping me approach this from a better place. :thumbsup:

[miss_kitty]

16. Next time he shows up at a place you are running a tab

let the waitstaff know you won't be paying for his stuff (privately). Tell them they should find out from him before they take his order what his method of payment will be. Then when he says you'll be paying for it you can say "Sorry bro, no can do. Too near my limit." Which would not be a lie. You're too near your 'brother-not-paying-his-way' limit.

How embarrassing for him, BTW.:blush:

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

17. That's a good idea

[Susang]

41. I second that idea

If you know he's coming and it's possible, let the waitstaff know before he gets there who will be allowed to charge on your tab. That way it will look like it's the restaurant policy to ask about payment and not like he's being singled out. I've handled situations like this dozens of times, and if it's spelled out clearly before things get started, it's rarely a problem.

Trust me, the waiter doesn't want you to be surprised by the tab either. It almost always means less of a gratuity, since anger and resentment tend to make people less generous. ;-)

:hi:

[Atlas Mugged]

19. That's utterly appalling

I'd just "add it to the list". But, I'd be very cynical of ever sitting at a restaurant table with him and his spouse, ever again. I do like the other poster's suggestion - letting the waiter know that their order is separate.

My family is entirely different, well, the Liberal ones, at least. We fight over who enjoys the pleasure of treating the others. I quit socializing with the conservative branch years ago; it got too embarrassing, what with stiffing the waitstaff, pulling out calculators to split up the bill, whatever. And gawd forbid we'd offer to pay; we were accused of insinuating that they needed "charity". The really good news is that after we got distant I quit buying Christmas gifts for their herds of children years ago. Since I'm gay and childless, they seemed to think that I had all of this excess money to throw around and that they didn't need to reciprocate in any manner. And then there's the time I was asked about my will....by a cousin with 8 children. I was advised that, since I "could get AIDS sooner or later", I should have things in order so it could go where it was needed the most. I seriously considered willing them (now divorced) a membership in the 'Condoms Of The Month Club".

[Maat]

31. Now, THAT'S a funny story, Atlas Mugged.

I think that the cousin's behavior pretty much represents NERVE!

[Tsiyu]

38. Jesus H.!

Now you have lots of $$ to buy needy kids gifts all year round.;)

We have the opposite situation here. It's a cute and funny situation as compared to your horrendously tacky family moments - but one gay cuz is always hinting to the younger brood (of which more than half are mine) that whoever treats her the best and takes care of her in her old age will get all her money.

But she is there for the kids. She always sends gifts for accomplishments when even their fathers don't seem to give a shit. She is just teasing the kids. In your case, no one is raising those younger kids right and they will be a soulless lot unless they escape that crap.

[HEyHEY]

20. Slash his tires

[TXlib]

23. No, No! Just let the air out with a key.

[biscodawg]

21. you got served

lol, what a dickhead

[TXlib]

22. Hold on to the receipt

On HIS birthday, include it in your card to him, highlighting his addition to your bill, and tell him that's his present.

[BikeWriter]

27. Good idea!

[TXlib]

28. It lets him know you don't appreciate being taken advantage of

in a not-too-unclassy way.

[BikeWriter]

29. I agree, especilly since I have several friends owing me money!

[Montauk6]

24. That picture of Coltrane looks like what I imagine your mood is right now.

[BikeWriter]

25. Damn, Bro, that sucks!

[Pithlet]

26. That is appalling

And you'd have every right to confront him with such behavior. It might just make you feel better to do so. Adding it to your pile of resentments might hurt you if you're the inner seething type. Take my advice knowing I'm definitely the type that seethes inwardly if I don't take action, and I'm not the type to let that kind of thing go if the action was deliberately hurtful.

[Zuni]

30. man, that is some cheap ass shit

I'm sorry, but that is the very essence of lame

Man---that defines the term "no class"

:hi:

[youthere]

32. I would not let it go...

But I would certainly confront him about it. No need to be rude about it or cuss him out-just very clear..something like "By the way, your part of the bill was $35, you can write me out a check if you don't have the cash."

[JVS]

33. You need to keep it real, confront them!

[tibbir]

34. I think the idea about including the receipt in HIS birthday card

with his share of the tab highlighted and saying that this is his birthday present is a really good idea. Maybe he'd get the message.

Taking the offense next time you go anywhere with him (birthday or not) and telling the waiter you will not be paying for him and his wife is a good idea too.

I have some relatives who I thought took the cake but your brother and sister-in-law amaze me.

[Bunny]

35. I'm absolutely astounded that they wouldn't feed you as you were

painting their house! That is unspeakably rude, and would have pissed me off more than the restaurant thing (which was also unspeakably rude). How do they live with themselves? Next birthday, send him the receipt - that's a great idea!

[GreenPartyVoter]

36. Jeez.. happy birthday to YOU, man! What a tactless tacky thing to

do, and to a family member no less! *hugs*

[skygazer]

39. I wouldn't just add it to the pile

Nor would I cuss him out. What I would do is call him and tell him calmly that he has no right putting their food on your tab and inform him that he owes you $35, payable ASAP.

People like that should never get a pass on these things - it just makes them worse. A lot of people never say anything because they don't want to make waves and then it all builds up until they're so angry, they say things that probably shouldn't be said.

But I wouldn't let it pass unnoted and unpointed out. It's just plain not right.

Oh, and Happy Birthday!

[gardenista]

42. Probably won't get you anywhere to confront him.

Just do the same to him on his birthday, or anytime soon.

Either that, or rise above.

Happy birthday, anyhow, Chavez. Just remember, you got the better end of the deal in the wife (to be) category.

[tinfoilinfor2005]

43. Nah. Just send him an expensive elaborate Thank You card

for his kindness and generosity to you on your special day. And sign it with love from his brother. He will understand. And then make up your mind to discontinue helping him paint his house or mow his lawn or watch his pets. And do not invite him to any further celebrations until you receive an apology. You don't have to be mean, but you have to let him know in these ways that he insulted you and hurt your feelings.