The Sperm Bank

[jiacinto]

Just wondering--have any DUers ever used one or made a deposit?

I am just curious if it is as easy as it appears on TV.

[DrWeird]

1. mmmmmmmmmkphhhhhssssssshhhhhhhhhhh!

:falls out of chair:

[SmileyBoy]

2. Have you been watching that "Jackass" episode again???

The one with the "sperm-a-thon"???;-)

[leftist_rebel1569]

3. Biweekly basis, baby...

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah ;-)

[Kamika]

4. No but I withdraw sperm

I do a sperm withdrawal from the sperm machine every day from my sperm account, at the sperm bank, using my sperm card.

The problem is that my sperm cash is soaked!

any other sperm questions youd like sperm answered?

[ZenLefty]

8. Do you pay a lot of sperm fees?

That's the worst.

[Kamika]

11. not really

But the sperm interest rate is pretty nice for this type of sperm account

[7th_Sephiroth]

27. yeah

can i make a deposit with you?

[JohnKleeb]

5. I dont know lol

but masterbation is pretty easy :D you should try it sometime, no I havent been to a sperm bank but if I ever to, I am so swiping those magazines.

[THUNDER HANDS]

6. I did once

And it's a lot harder than it looks on tv. Aiming just right so you shoot right into the ATM slot is difficult.

;)

[el_gato]

7. you must be broke

all that moving and changing jobs you've been doing lately

[el_gato]

9. on a more serious note

don't do it
you will be turning over your DNA to people you don't know
it mind wind up in republican hands
:evilgrin:

[Terran]

10. Are sperm banks advertising on TV now?

Carlos, you really need to stop checking every little detail of your life with DU. Why don't you just call a sperm bank and find out what the procedure is? Relying on the advice of several thousand people you've never met face to face is not a good idea.

Dirk

[rasputin1952]

13. I don't even want to picture this...

my mind's eye has recently been bleached, and I don't want to go through that agai!

Besides, last time I tried to make a deposit, it "rattled" in th cup!
Been WAY to long.

:evilgrin:

[JohnKleeb]

14. lol ras

Ras do they have a good variety of ummm wack off material at the bank, or is that a sperm clinic, because if what they have sucks, I should bring my own stuff :D hehe.

[rasputin1952]

25. I only got to see one msmudged picture...

all the other pages were stuck together!

:evilgrin:

[VermontDem2004]

15. He was asking for advice?

I seriously thought he was kidding, last time I took something seriously that was posted in the lounge I was told "Get a grip".

[JohnKleeb]

16. yeah

Seriously no one is answering my question, do I need my own porn or do they provide and if they do is it good :D. Ok i will stop being a wiseass now.

[TSIAS]

17. I'm think they do have magazines

Not sure about videos.

[JohnKleeb]

19. Are they any good Taylor?

because if they are medicore and shit, *angry grunt* I am just gonna have to bring my own.

[TSIAS]

22. I've never been to one

But I sincerely doubt they'd make you bring your own pornography. Some people are hesitant to go into stores and buy that stuff on their own.

[JohnKleeb]

23. My daddy does it for me lol

Of course they wouldnt make you. lol everything is going digital now whats next digital porn. *ponders* hehe. Dont mind me man, I am just crazy today.

[Kamika]

18. I dont know

Bring a girl :)

[VermontDem2004]

21. I see

The reason why I thought he was kidding because he said are they as easy as they look on tv(something like that) and the only times I see people going to sperm banks on tv they ask the nurse if they can get some "assistance" so by that train a thought I thought he was kidding. I hope you understand :wtf: I am talking about because I don't think I explained it clearly.

[JohnKleeb]

24. The good old nurse

I think he meant movies though.

[Throckmorton]

26. John, at your age you need porno?

When I was your age I could squirt at will, and not Will Pitt either.

[Throckmorton]

28. No, but I have donated directly twice,

to a couple that are very close to us. He is infertile, and after 6 years of trying were about to give up.

Really nothing to it, they gave me a vial, with a liquid preservitive in it, I had to get it to the clinic within 8 hours of making the sample.

[Kamika]

20. lol

this GOTTA be a joke, I never laughed so much at a thread as I did at this one

[peekaloo]

29. tend to agree

It's all in your hands now Carlos.


}(

[Vitruvius]

12. My favorite sperm bank story:

Twenty years ago, I was at the Bell Labs retirement party for a loathsome right-wing Rethug higher-up ("Gene") who fancied himself a genius, shared many of Shockley's racist 'eugenics' ideas, and who'd also just had a flaming affair with his secretary (both were married, but not to each other). An old-timer (who lurks here on DU) got up, said a few words about Gene's career, touching humorously on his numerous scientific fiascos, each of which had garnered him yet another promotion, then said:

"You know, Gene's a real smart guy. (PAUSE) He's so smart that Bill Shockley's Nobel Prizewinner Sperm Bank approached him for a (ahem) donation. (LAUGHTER) And Gene said: 'No thanks, I gave at the office.'"

The whole banquet hall laughed itself silly for two-and-a-half minutes straight (I timed it). And the many of us who had had run-ins with Gene marked his account 'paid in full'.