supernova
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:36 PM
Original message |
LOL! Church bulletin bloopers |
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Ah the vagueries of the English language! Originally posted in the progressive people of faith group.
* * * * * * * * *
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at
Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
* * * * * * * * * * *
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
* * * * * * * * * *
The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."
* * * * * * * * * *
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those
things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
* * * * * * * * * *
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a
conflict.
* * * * * * * * * *
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much
about you.
* * * * * * * * * *
Don't let worry kill you off......let the church help.
* * * * * * * * * *
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving
obvious pleasure to the congregation.
* * * * * * * * * *
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
* * * * * * * * * *
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the
help they can get.
* * * * * * * * * *
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more
transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping. She has requested
tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will
sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
* * * * * * * * * *
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church
and so ends a friendship that began in their school days.
* * * * * * * * * *
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice.
* * * * * * * * * *
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of
several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
* * * * * * * * * *
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
* * * * * * * * * *
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased
person you want remembered.
* * * * * * * * * *
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
* * * * * * * * *
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and
gracious hostility.
* * * * * * * * * *
Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
* * * * * * * * * *
The ladies of the Church have cast-off clothing of every kind. They may
be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
* * * * * * * * * *
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across
from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM.
All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S.
is done.
* * * * * * * * * *
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would
lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
* * * * * * * * * *
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the
back door.
* * * * * * * * * *
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church
basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this
tragedy.
* * * * * * * * * *
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please use large double door at the side entrance.
* * * * * * * * * *
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan
last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
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LaurenG
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:39 PM
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1. lol really funny, thanks for posting this nt |
Shell Beau
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:40 PM
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:rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray: :rofl: :spray:
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Felix Mala
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:43 PM
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3. Rev. Hankins is forming a Little Mothers Club. All women wishing |
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to become Little Mothers should see Rev. Hankins in his office.
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supernova
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:46 PM
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GOPisEvil
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:45 PM
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4. I've seen those before, but still... |
supernova
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:45 PM
Response to Reply #4 |
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I got the email years ago, but I can't help laughing every time I see them.
:rofl:
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Napoleon Dynamite
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:50 PM
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7. here is something heard at church by a friend |
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The preacher was talking about a service project for young men in the church and said something like the following.
"Every young man will needs a hoe. We have several available here at the church for no charge. Feel free to take them and use as needed."
Snickers followed, but the preacher had no idea why.
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supernova
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Thu Aug-04-05 04:53 PM
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jane_pippin
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Thu Aug-04-05 05:03 PM
Response to Original message |
9. I made it this far before I almost shot salsa out of my nose: |
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"Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the
recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King."
:spray:
Today is full of laughs. Thanks!
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Fri Apr 26th 2024, 02:35 PM
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