I'm torn up, but I've got to do this. This is my swan song. Don't care?

bigtree

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Fri Aug-05-05 08:44 AM
Original message

I'm torn up, but I've got to do this. This is my swan song. Don't care?

I understand.

I don't think there is a better political board on the net, and I sure won't go looking for another one. But I'm gonna cut myself off from here today. The more I tell myself that it's for good, the better I feel.

But, what a ride! I started here after the war began, and during that time the board has influenced me to write more words than I ever did before. One article I started here turned into a book that I published and put on Amazon. No money was made, but I was proud of DU for inspiring me to pursue it.

We lost the election, but I had such high hopes along with most of the folks here. I don't think anything compares to the mass diversity of opinion here that is nonetheless geared perfectly toward the advancement of our party and our shared goals. I don't think any other outlet compares to the efforts we have made, and are making to bring about an end to the Iraq occupation.

And there are fine people here. I love the unvarnished views expressed, and I love the disagreements. They help me grow and learn, even if only about myself in relation to them. I am grateful for the support and the audience that suffers my posts. I have no regrets about the countless hours spent here that should have gone to more sleep, or making a better living. I care deeply about the issues I have raised and responded to here. I am grateful to find so much caring on the other side of my posts, both from the criticism as well as from the praise.

So, I am not leaving bitter as I once did before. But, I have to cut myself off from here, perhaps to grow more, to find a different perspective on my life and the issues that concern me. I don't need the board to motivate me to action. I know when and where to push the buttons I need to effect the change I wish for. I won't falter in my advocacy. I just won't be pouring all of that out here.

Folks might be surprised at how many hours it takes for me to put together some of my posts. Some folks who have suffered through some of my posts would understand the time and effort that I put in. But, here's the thing. I don't have enough time to do all of the things that I would like, very few of us do. I want to do something different. I have let this board absorb almost all of my creative time. I don't have the stamina or reserve to continue here and give any other pursuit my full effort.

I'm at the far end of 44 years old. My love, my obsession, besides my wife of 25 years, is writing. I have been writing on political issues since 1987 when I sent my first letter to Carl Rowan from Agronsky and Co. I wrote the Washington Post for years before I got a computer in 2003. I wrote mostly longhand, got a typewriter, and later switched back to longhand. I've transformed into a keyboard writer in my time here. A poster.

I wrote a children's book in 2003 while caring for my Dad. It was the first time that I strayed from the political pomposity that I was so wed to. I was pretty satisfied and was reflecting on my success one winter night by a late fire when I heard the spirits call. They told me that the world was at risk and that we might not survive the threat. Armageddon, apocalypse, whatever. It was pretty clear to me that I couldn't escape into my fiction writing and ignore the peril that we faced. So, I began to focus on politics again. That was the winter of 2003. I've barely lost a day to frivolity. I've been stalwart. I've been on the job.

But, I've been feeling empty lately. I've not had a great deal of interest here in my writings in the past few months, and I've decided that either I'm not as focused as I should be, or I'm not doing what I need to do to reach folks. I'll say quietly that the silence that has greeted more than a few of my posts lately hurts. I blame myself. As a writer I have to be able to connect. DU is not my personal cheerleading squad. I know that if I want folks to respond to my writing it has to be compelling. I plan to concentrate again on my fiction writing. I'm certain that it won't be devoid of the politics that obsess me.

Skinner is the best, and all of the folks, moderators, support staff, everyone who devotes their time and resources to DU have my love and admiration, for what it's worth. I can't think of a better place to donate the pennies I have to spare. I will continue to donate here. I wish DU a long and healthy life.

So I exit today. Not the standard prairie dog routine, in and out, but a clean break. This isn't a ploy for attention, it's a thank you to all of the dedicated here for making me feel at home. I won't kick the post, and I don't really think I can discuss this any further. If anyone wants, they can PM me and I'll get back to 'em a bit down the road.

So, best wishes for the future. I'm crying now, so . . . I'll go. This is bigtree signing out.