Have you ever been confused about your sexuality?

[Droopy]

I have. I'm a straight male for the record, but when I was in my early twenties there was this guy that I had feelings for. It turned out that I could just relate to him really well and I mistook those intimate feelings for feelings of sexual attraction. I just had to ask myself, "Would I really want to do it with this guy?" The answer was no. It didn't matter how much I liked him, he just didn't do it for me in a sexual way. I've recently run across a guy who is questioning his own sexuality. What do you think I should tell him? He's thinking he might be bi-sexual and I can relate. I've been thinking of telling him that that just makes you more able to find a person that you would want to spend your life with if that's the case then more power to you. But I think he is actually a straight guy who is turned on by kinky sex. He says he's turned on by being submissive. What do you think? Should I tell this fellow about my own experiences or should I just let it slide?

[Name removed]

1. Deleted message

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[La_Serpiente]

2. No, you don't have to

emphathize with him. Let him figure it out for himself. I had to until I finally realized that I was bisexual.

[dsc]

3. You have an insight which should help him alot

I think you owe it to him to share it. I can't say I was confused but I did desperately desire to be straight and held on to that myth about myself for quite some time. That is a bit different than what you are describing but in the same rough neighborhood.

[Catch22Dem]

4. this is going to sound weird to a lot of folks

But my old military friends and I share a bond that is like no other. This isn't born from some terrible battle experience. Naw, we lived the good life in the Air Force, but we're just perfect matches for each other.

Our wives are all great friends. We're right in line with each other politically. I've never felt such closeness to any of my friends like I feel for these two guys. I don't know if they lurk here, but if they do, they'll know who I'm talking about. Love you guys!

DISCLAIMER: Been drinking, so I love EVERYBODY!!! LOL

[piece sine]

5. Just thinking about it means you are...

and acting upon it just means you're brave.

[Catch22Dem]

7. Who me?

Did you read my post? I was just talking about my best friends EVER.

[La_Serpiente]

6. Well, I do not think you have to share your experience

I mean, maybe you could offer him a few words, but that's it really. If anything, he could tell someone else about the experience unless you are comfortable with everyone knowing.

[Deja Q]

8. Yes

Even when I was 6 I saw the difference between men and women and liked what men had to offer. Girlie bits did not appeal to me.

Puberty struck and I found myself attracted to men in a way I'd never felt. I didn't understand or know and it seemed weird.

But women never appealed to me.

Not until my early 20s did I finally piece it all together.

But women still didn't turn me on.

But recently, the last 4 or 5 months or so, I've started noticing women. The ones in the porno pics still do nothing for me, but the ones in real life do. It's freaky and it makes no sense. Maybe it's the clothing.

But you're right. Thinking about what you want to do with another person is the only definitive answer to the question. That is what you should tell him, IMHO. There is nothing wrong with experimentation as long as everybody involvd in the experimenting know for sure that it's just an experiment.

At the end of the day, I am still gay. I may have a newfound fascination for the female form, but what I've always wanted and will always want can only be found on a guy. What I am feeling towards women is not a true feeling, and if I did indulge, I'd then know what it was like and then probably drop all interest. That wouldn't be right for the woman I'd be with.

[supernova]

9. Well,

are you really good intimate (platonic) friends with this guy? i.e., is no subject sacred?

This seems helpful and supportive:

I've been thinking of telling him that that just makes you more able to find a person that you would want to spend your life with if that's the case then more power to you.

You are of course free to tell him you are straight if he tries to pursue you further.

But is he turned on by kinky sex with other guys? That's the question. And does he have dominance issues? i.e. wants others to control his life?

[Droopy]

10. I think

he just liked to be controlled by women. I don't think he's ever experienced that but would just like it. He said he was bi-curious, but didn't express a desire to be with guys in a dominant-submissive role.

[Political_Junkie]

11. it's been my experience

(being bisexual myself) that bi-curious is usually just curious not bi. I agree with La_Serpiente though, he has to figure it out for himself. Just be supportive if you share your experience he may think you are trying to tell him that he's not bi, then he may just not talk to you about it anymore.

[Droopy]

12. Thanks junkie n/t

[Political_Junkie]

13. anytime

glad to be of assistance.

[politicat]

16. Hear, Hear!!!

Political Junkie has it. Let me buy you a :beer: and :toast: you with it.

but the young'un in question does have to figure it out for himself. We all do. Some people get it easy, they happen to be okay with the standard, default, societal settings.

The rest of us have to be more creative in our thinkings.

[Droopy]

14. kick

one last time

[whirlygigspin]

15. pick your favorite star

Who would you say yes to?

Brad Pitt would make me stutter.

things that make you go, hmmm.

[Cat Atomic]

17. That's not so uncommon.

I know a couple of guys who've experienced the same thing, actually (not with one another). Neither is gay, but both said that at one time they had a confused attraction for one person in particular. I think one guy said it was in his late teens, the other in his mid-twenties. Or maybe the other was in his early teens... I just can't recall.

Anyway, what I mean to say is, it's not uncommon or anything. Homosexuality isn't uncommon either, of course.