Relationship of habit: the Hump Years....

[Robb]

OK, long time committed relationship people. Tell us how you got through it. How do you deal with "comfortable", when it starts to feel more like "mundane"? :shrug:

[latebloomer]

1. I swear by weekly couple's therapy

Been going for several years-- I described it to a friend today as detoxification-- you get to root out the real underlying issues going on between you. If not, the relationship may either get TOO comfortable-- as in stagnant-- or resentments cn brew which result either in distance or conflict.

Having that forum to look at "what's really going on" keeps the relationship more alive and deep, to counteract the loss of chemistry that occurs naturally after the initial high of being in love wears off.

[ayeshahaqqiqa]

2. Spirituality

I don't think my relationship with my husband has ever felt mundane. We have had good times and bad times, but the sharing of our mystical approach to life has made our journey together interesting, to say the least. The words of the Sufi poet Rumi came true for me some fourteen years ago: "Oh for a friend who knows the sign, Who'll mingle all their soul with mine."

[patdem]

3. Trust me...if you leave the early relationship..the other just get worse

work out the differences since each relationship after the first get more mundane and less committed....just get over the hump...hunker down and accept differences unless there is violence everything else can be overcome with time and patience. Trust me...each relationship is worse than the one before.

Unless there is violence and abuse try to just hunker down and get through the tough times. Sex becomes less important...but more intimate over time.

[leftofthedial]

4. Oh! You mean the "no humping" years

I was confused there for a minute.

[Nikia]

5. Realize it cannot be intense all the time

Maybe, I haven't been in my relationship long enough to answer. We've been together 6 years (3 years married) and are very comfortable together. We are not as intense as we used to be but still enjoy each other. It is normal not to stay intensely "in love" for years. I am still in love with my husband though and he is definitely in love with me. It's just not all consuming all the time. I think that it is best to develop outside intersts and friendships. You still should spend time together, but your outside intersts will give you a break from the other person and give you something positive to talk about when you are together. You might want to do new things together as well. Realize that neither you nor your partner are perfect and you cannot be everything for each other. There's no reason that you should stop having sex. Sex feels nice and it is physical and emotional closeness. That might help as well.

[David Zephyr]

6. If Weds. Is "Hump Day", Then...

Why do most people screw on the weekend?:shrug:

[Rashind]

8. Wait... there are people who only have sex on certain days?

I am not getting any goddamn older, and you can't make me! :evilfrown:

[Kamika]

7. lol thats depressing

I never been in a relationship that went beyond the humping "months" :p