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Context... As a kid in the early 70's I lived in an all white trailer park in Irving, Texas. Down the road on the other side of the "crick" was an all black shanty town. all the kids, black and white, played together, we went to integrated schools,... and lived completely separate lives.This is my attempt to turn my memories into a memoir, in a way that is not strictly prose, nor neccesarily formal poetry. It seems to be the way my thoughts flow. Again, my use of forbidden words are not meant to inflame, it was simply the way we talked... the way it was. In a nutshell, it is my way of exporing my past, dealing with what was blatant racism among my friends and how that affected me. This is the first time anyone has seen this, other than my wife; but I trust and admire the people on this board. Peace.
1. TEXAS The sun broils thought. Grins waver though frog song, and the wail of cicadas. Your friend, dark haired and shiny, walks through the brush in front; whacking at trees. His branch mirrors those above, only dead. He turns to give a peep in shadow. He's not your friend. His back allows an emblem, of a a bowling club supported by a garage.
I feel the sun above, in oak, and a rill of sweat starting it's way down my neck. Your friend Micheal swings away, kicking up leaves and leavings, and small things that don't care. He leads, pontificating on the values of our team, of whites over
(our fear)
the sorry Niggras below. I carry the precious pig skin. The path winds down,
Into a gully, strewn with the bones of mesquite. There's water here sometimes. But today, all is dust. Over the ridge across, tin rooves appear, in their crowning of sparkling walls below. A black Caddy or Lincoln or New Yorker sleeps in the shaded berth below corrugated eaves. Overextended savings and adjectives sit pridefull, as we walk.
He smirks as he sees the splendor, a chrome fire. "Ah see it all, poor fucks"..."Ai'nt need no Caddy, daddy says". I'm breathing slowly, not really listening. Leon is swinging in the tire of a truck. Sunday best, dark black inside, around, a grey doughnut . Michael tears off ahead looking back shouting, "Long bomb"! I toss, feeble and wobly , wishing he wasn't here, In tedious slow motion, (I imagine; not fearful.) I call Leon my friend... He cuts back to make the show and try the catch. A flood of ice cold failure, Leon sizing me up? A flashing smile passed instantly , saying, what? Leon sings the call. "Crackers done come down fo' the game"! There have been three behind all the way. Distant snorts following, ...ignored, forgotten, I see J's shanty down off east, his sister, May, dashing between posts, foreshortened. In pink. A flash, her white socks spotting shadows over the plank porch. "Ai'nt no white folk gonna see her on no Sunday". Call's from inside.
Bub, behind, fat and greasy, murmers something along the line of "lt's so fuckng (breathing) hot. Niggas got it made". Wondering what that means, I turn recieving nothing but blankness. The quiet breeze, electric insects and puffed up boys. The shantys and the cars are not interested. Dogs lay under porches, tongues out. Eyes closed. Leon has dissappeared into the house and miraculosly re-appeared as his father.
Mr. Leon's father, dressed exactly as his boy, peers out at us. Gigantic, three feet up. He looks us over, grim coal face, stern ,with beautiful green eyes. "You little heathens done finished with yo' Sunday schoolin'?" A basso thunder rolls over,around, through. "I don't see no lilly white souls been saved amongst ya'll!" Jimmy (Michael's younger) and Bub shift from foot to foot and glance at the monster.
A true voice of authority was speaking! No fathers drunken ramlbings, no softened sobs and mumbled promises, late at night. This man Knew nothing but the Word. Small vaguaries and broken promises. Wiped away.
Unsettling... As the heavy brow softens, downward at the sides, a gapped smile appears, as does Leon. In Sears 'Toughskins' washed so clean they shimmer. His shoulder goes down and in, passing his father. Defensive left wing? Or just defense?
Michael, with ball in armpit, is dragging a tire for the left hand goal post. Jimmy has shot off right to snag a milk crate. So much work for such a small return. Your friends dive into action, retrieving the sad detriuous of familiar, strangers lives so we (a bunch of nine year olds) can play football.
J's sister May, has re-appeard in sweats, with a straw jammed ino a Coke bottle, pigtails attatched to the top of her head. a comfortable sight, yet so far removed, a stranger I see daily. I have taken Leon's spot in the swing. The toes of my beloved green Makhaha sneakers tracing cirlces in the dirt. The creaking branch above, Sings the unease of the situation. This tire, From which I swing was not brought in as a prop. It was seventy or eighty dollars used in good faith and service and in it's twilight made into a toy for children. I knew Michael's dad bought his boys their toys, and old tires... were garbage.
Poor white folk living in trailers and double wides. Driving (mostly) Chevy''s and trying to not appear poor. Poor black folk living in tin shacks driving Cadillacs who were poorer, but not poor at all.
2.
J emerges finally and sits solid, defiant, cleats in hand; shaking them in our direction. May sways on the porch, to unheard music, yet matching the creak of my supportive branch. Michael swings flabby arms in windmills to rally is troops(?) for meeting. Battle plans to be laid. Small boys playing, small men. J's cleats vibrate, cleanliness and care.
Glancing again upwards, through the trees, Ifollow a vinyl rope up towards blindness, and truth. The face of the sun. Wishes of burning my conscience free of conflict, weaving now, unwished for, the tendrils of awakening. With reality, I must rise...Reality, my temple crushing companion, rises also.
Michael strolls and somehow skipping, arrives in the shadow of J. Gesticulations abound. The pinkish (five headed) Hydras that are Mike's point makers, are undermined, overshadowed. underwhelmed; by the silence of the small tree that is J. A smirk towards May, now on his left, speaks my dread.
Little white boys.
To hopefully be continued...
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