Any other DU adoptees here who have found birth family members?

[grannylib]

Or who are considering looking?
I met my birth mom at 41, 3 years ago...and we have been fortunate, we are becoming good friends.
My brother met his birth mom quite by accident, and his experience has not been as good, sad to say...she is trying to put him back in the cradle and make up for lost time (he's 54...sheesh...)
Anyone care to share some experience/insight for those who might be considering searching?

[T Wolf]

1. I'm 51 now

I had searched on my own for years, with no success. Finally, I worked the system (in Virginia, if you petition the courts to open the records, the agency has to locate the birth parents to seek their permission) and reconnected with my birth mother right before I turned 40. My birth father denied everything, so that was the end of that.

I have a great relationship with Joyce. My daughters have another grandmother. And the rest of the family welcomed me like a long-lost member of the family (which I was). We visit each other every other year or so (PA to MN) and stay in touch quite a lot.

The key to a successful reunion is the expectations of the people involved. If the search is done out of trying to fill a void or need, it has a greater chance of turning out badly. If it is done to add something, the chances of success are better. Like everything involving humans, it depends on the people.

To others searching or thinking about it... What do you want to get out of the reunion? If you honestly answer that question, it will go a long way in telling you whether to pursue it.

If you do search, there are many resources out there. And, as I learned, try the direct method first.

Good luck to all who are in this situation. It is sometimes difficult, but can be a positive thing.

[Sticky]

2. Wonderful news for you, Grannylib!

These things don't always work out well. My adopted son has a photo of his birth parents on his wall and is in contact with his bio siblings several times a year. My son is 4 and his sibs are 6,7 and 8 ... (all adopted)

I've been involved in 40 adoptions or so and the number one piece of advice I have for adoptees looking for birth parents is be open, compassionate and lower your expectations.

It's truly wonderful when things work out well. The best of both worlds, I guess!

[Rainbowreflect]

3. I gave a baby up for adoption 23 years ago.

I would love for him to try to find me. I have put my name out there and the agency I went through has my info & know I want to meet him. I will not look for him because I believe if his his decision if he wants to find me or not.

[grannylib]

4. Best wishes to you...hope you will be reunited

I think that is the best, to leave it up to the child...but I am sure it is difficult. I hope that regardless of what happens, reunion or no, your child will understand what an unselfish act of love it was...