Do 'friends with benefits' say "I love you"?

[Deja Q]

What's your take? O8)

[Maddy McCall]

1. No

Maybe when drunk, but not when sober.

[GOPisEvil]

2. If things have progressed to the point where one party says that,

it's no longer a FWB situation.

[ahem]

3. No. Maybe there are exceptions, like when it's clearly an "I love you as

I love all my dear friends" kind of thing, but there shouldn't be any casually throwing around "I love you" like one would in a lovey-dovey romantic relationship.

[Deja Q]

4. Hmmm.

I don't think he's being casual... but, to date only twice, has pointed out the "FWB" aspect so I am confused. That or he means more than FWB but wants to take things more slowly and uses "FWB" as the best means to say it. Which would fit in to what's going on, I'll admit. And I don't think he is consciously trying to lead me on out of cruelty.

I think there is potential, but it is 'wait and see' - maybe I gave him the wrong impression... time will tell.

But having been burned in the past, I've got my proverbial flame-resistant underwear on... just in case. :-)

[leftofthedial]

5. this concept baffles me

maybe I need new friends . . .

:shrug:

[CaliforniaPeggy]

10. Friends with benefits means....

You have a friend and the two of you have sex. But there's no romantic connection, from what I've been told...

Does that help? :shrug:

[leftofthedial]

17. I understand what it is

I just can't conceive (so to speak) of any of my friends, um, doing it.

how does the subject, um, come up? I have a bunch of women friends, but I think they'd all freak out if they even thought I was thinking of them that way.

And how do you just stay friends. I can understand casual sex, but not with someone with whom there is also a real fridnship.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

24. You got me there...

I have no idea..how they set it up or anything...seems as though this is something that the young (college-age) kids do....

:shrug:

[xmas74]

6. Not unless it is in the "heat of the moment"

People say strange things at that time.

[sundog]

15. yeah, that was just phone talk... pay me no attention

:P

[xmas74]

16. I never do.

:silly:

Was it good for you?

[sundog]

18. absolutely

:thumbsup:

[xmas74]

19. Same here.

[sundog]

20. the 'i love you' just slipped out along with everything else

:P

[xmas74]

21. It was a rather intense conversation.

Don't worry-I knew what you meant.:blush:

[JimmyJazz]

7. apparently some of them do.

[sundog]

11. ...

:o

:shrug:

:P

[JimmyJazz]

12. huh?

:o

[Democrats_win]

8. You can't get there from here.

If they say "I love you," then they aren't friends, they're lovers.

[sundog]

9. i wouldn't know

i never get the benefits :shrug:

[bridgit]

13. sure they do, or can, hubby refers to them as:

"symbols of love"...still, as with love whenever offered, the more unconditional the better imo though that may be a utopian concept for many

[expatriot]

27. there are no degrees of "unconditional..." there are either conditions or

there are not. That's why, despite my radical views on social issues, gender issues, etc. I am a staunch philosophical backer of monogamy. That is not to say in any way whatsoever that I am puritanical in that I think "open" relationships or "polyamorous" relationships should be discouraged or banned in any way and it is not like I am willing to judge those who choose to engage in such relationships.

A just of am the philosophical belief that a strong partnership/love is based on a recipicosity of 1) being both fully devoted to your lover-partner above any other and 2)trusting that your lover-partner fully devoted to yourself.

This recipricosity is not a fairy tale or a utopia. It is acheivable. Chance (not fate) sets the ball in motion and then it depends on the initiatives, choices and reactions and mediations between the two lovers as to the product.

Unfortunately we are at the mercy of the sincerity and characteristics and choices of our love interest as to whether the project will succeed just as they are at the mercy of ours.


I am not proud to be an American since I never did one thing to be born as citizen of this great land of wealth and prosperity (relative to the rest of the world). I am not proud of my college degree since I was born to two white school teachers in small town Iowa and for me not to have graduated from college would have been the extreme exception. the only area of my life by which I can be proud of and take pride in is in my marraige.

[bridgit]

30. well now that's a mixed bag of 'zero tolerance' conditions...

imo of course

[Greyhound]

14. usually, although I had one that was wierd about it, so we didn't n/t

[Tallison]

22. Depends on the stage of sex

I wouldn't take anything said pre-climax seriously, though.

[MercutioATC]

23. Not in my experience...

...lest things become more than "friends" - at least to one of the people.

[expatriot]

25. The friend who loves says it over and over but not outloud...

in fear of scaring the friend who just wants the benefits away.

[hickman1937]

26. Yes. But it's not a "I want to live with you and have a life together"

type love. More like a "I trust you and appreciate who you are" type thing. Very rare. Snow leopard rare.

[Deja Q]

33. Ah! You've hait the nail on the head!

Thanks! I'm just worried the head will turn into a missile, go *boom*. :-(

I need to think... I care for him, and think he's the right guy for me, but if I am not the right guy for him then I need to do something now... Maybe it's too soon for me to think he's right for me; compared to all the others he seems by far the most sincere and admirable.

I know the things he has said to me... about not trying to live up to some shallow image, and I think that's a good thing... I don't know.

[the_spectator]

28. "Friends with benefits" -- is this the...

... "What Makes You Feel Old" thread? No?

[the_spectator]

29. Second response:

If you're the guy, NO. You're defeating the whole purpose of the FWB scenario, and if you say that you'll soon be a Friend Without Benefits so fast your head will spin.

If it's the girl what says it, I guess it means that you as the guy have a crystal-clear signal of your ability to make this a real "relationship" if you so wish!

Glad to be of help!

[SarahB]

31. I think it generally means....

someone wants to take this to a new level.

Are you open to that? Are you ready?

Once that Pandora's Box is opened, there's two ways to go:

1. Open your heart a little more and see where it leads.
2. If one person doesn't love back (or can't meet the other's needs or isn't ready or whatever), it's time for buh-bye. Otherwise, it's endless twisting of guts for someone. I don't believe in gut-twisting. It's either there or it's not. When it's really real, there are no questions or confusion for either party.

Just my 2 cents. Take it. Leave it. It's all good.

Best wishes! :toast:

[kodi]

32. for me, only those with death benefits

.

[Bassic]

34. Not unless they want the relationship to evolve

[In_The_Wind]

35. yes !