Self destruction

[hussar]

Hi not too many of you guy's know me but I have a problem, I have been in the USA for 2 years came over from England and gave up a good but mundane job to come here.

I married a lady here, problem is I was a truck(semi) driver and don't really want to continue in that direction after 20 years, I took 12 months off to fix up the property and then looked for a job. Yup you guessed it no jobs so I started college doing what I started to do back in the UK now here is my problem, whenever I go to college I socialize but after I feel so alone and get really down start drinking and feel like I want to end it.

This is not the proverbial cry for help, I have been going through these phases for years and have had counseling but I am so lonely and just don't see any future.

So WTF do I do?

I know my grammer sucks by the way, no need for reminders

[commander bunnypants]

1. Get counseling

try to lay off the booze, modd shifts you say? Seek treatment

DDQM- Hang in there

[hussar]

5. believe it or not

that's what I'm training for at college

[alexwcovington]

2. Don't worry so much about it...

It takes time to adjust to new circumstances. You can pull through.

[ChompySnack]

3. You are married and lonely?

Maybe I didn't read it right but you should talk to your wife.

If you aren't married anymore and hate the US, I would suggest doing some travel if you can afford it. If I were in your situation I would probably visit some carribbean islands and try to find work there, maybe the south pacific (but that is expensive to visit).

Life may be unpleasant but death is unbearable!

[hussar]

6. I have been around

lived in Germany 3yrs and Switzerland 6yrs been all over Europe and the Med, I talk to my wife but I know she can't help me.

[Kamika]

4. Stop drinkin?

I dont know if its that easy but hey

[hussar]

7. Wouldn't that be nice

wish I could, I don't drink all the time but when I go into self destruct mode I do.

Thanks for the suggestion though, peace

[bicentennial_baby]

9. But you can

Stop drinking, that is. Remember, alcohol is a depressant, and it's only going to make you feel worse about your problems in the long run. Plus, it's crap for your body, and that can manifest itself in psychological ways as well. I used to drink like a fucking fish, but I quit, and have felt 100% better ever since. Don't ever say you can't, because you can. :-) Good luck!

[Kamika]

11. Why cant you

Throw out all alcohol and just dont buy any when youre in the store.

In worst case cant you just talk to them to refuse you alcohol

[alwynsw]

8. It's a tough cycle

Remember the camaraderie when you were a trooper? You can rebuild that not only with support groups but also with many veteran's groups. Not all of them center around a club with a bar. Check with the VA in Portland.

Knowing that your service was in the UK, I realize that you're not elegible for any VA programs, but the support groups will often accept "associate members" that have served in allied services.

If that fails, by all means, work to find a support group that you can learn to be comfortable with.

We're in your corner, my friend.

[hussar]

13. Thanx

that is great advice, you know me so well

[E_Zapata]

10. Okay, so it sounds like you haven't assimilated in your new country.......

It's a hard thing to do.

You say that you socialize at school and stuff. Sounds like you are probably over 40? Would most of the students by a bit younger than you, and therefore in a totally different life phase?

Well, you gotta get with people in your life phase. Take up a sport or hobby.

Also, get outside of yourself and volunteer for a charitable organization (soup kitchen, senior home, the humane society.....). Sounds like you REALLY need to feel useful and needed. That's the big dark secret about not having a job (and wanting to have one).....you feel useless (that's from my experience).

In short......GET INVOLVED with the world that is around you. You say you are married.....but a partner can't pave the way for who and what you are in your new community.

And, gosh, I don't know the situation with your wife...but if you stay on this trajectory, you will not have only lost your home country and lifetime profession......but also a wife in due time, I would assume. You have to know that your depression and drinking and inability to get a groove for yourself has got to be equally horrible for her (do NOT take that as a "you suck" statement.....it's just a fact. She has to adjust too.....she has a relatively new husband who has no history here...and, well, that's burdensome. And it's up to YOU to find your groove).

And you sound so nice.......I guess the main thing is to just buck up and get determined about finding your individual groove!!! Once you just say, "okay, I am in the USA now, and I am going to LIVE and live well!" you will have traveled most of the difficult journey. Swear to God!

Blessings to you!

[hussar]

14. Thanx

many wise and true words,you got me sussed, I am 45

[childslibrarian]

12. I was a therapist

You need medication and counseling. It will really help. Don't give up hope. There are alot of great people out there.

[hussar]

15. I had severe depression just before

I split with my ex wife (16yrs) and I was prescribed medication that is now banned in the UK as a result of damaging side effects, it made me worse (seroxat) so I am a bit nervous about doing the medication thing.