Khash got his heart broken. Bad. Help him out!

[khashka]

No sympathy.

Just tell me about your relationships that work... or tell me how to make love stay.

Khash.

[Droopy]

1. I prefer to be alone

That has probably saved me a lot of being heartbroken.

[enigmatic]

2. I got lucky

I was a confirmed Loner all my life, though I was fairly sucessful w/ women, I guess. But I found my soulmate 4 years ago, and I'm very, very happy...

Sorry though; you'll bounce back..

[Heidi]

3. All of my adult relationships have worked,

in that I remain friends-for-life with those who've been a significant presence in my life. (This is not to say that those relationships all worked the way I wanted or expected them to work.) I guess love has stayed because there's a kind of love that stays after expectation is no longer an issue. :shrug: That's my stretchy philosophy for this morning.

[enigmatic]

4. Great line

"there's a kind of love that stays after expectation is no longer an issue"; I love that line; I wish I had followed it in my younger years..

[khashka]

7. Kinda the same with me

I've remained friends with all my exes. Even if the relationship doesn't work, the love and friendship still remain. But that's not gonna happen this time.... and it's fucking with my head (I've never hated someone before, or at least not someone I loved).

Khash.

[Heidi]

11. I don't think you're a hater, Khash.

Please don't give one person the power to change who you are.

[Floogeldy]

10. They've all worked, but not the way you wanted or expected them to work?

That's a helluva work out. ;)

[Heidi]

14. Life ain't for the faint of heart.

I'm a better human bean because of people in my life, including the handful of "exes." Did my ex-husband love me forever, as I expected him to when I married him at 21? Nope. But he loves me in a mutually-respectful way now that wasn't possible when we lived together. Difficult to explain, but it beats the hell of resentment, bitterness and hatred. :shrug:

[Floogeldy]

17. I agree

Resentment, bitterness and hatred have no place in a healthy human bean's life.

:)

[Flaxbee]

5. a fair amount of give and take...

I was alone for a looong time and was used to doing things my way. It is hard to get to a 50/50 place with someone where you can compromise w/o feeling taken advantage of, but it can be done. You have to have rock-solid faith in your own worth, and be willing to be flexible (but not take too much shit, either).

Don't ever give up your feelings that you can be self-sufficient, that you can be OK even alone. Too much dependency stifles the other person and is just absolutely horrible to your own sense of self.

[Webster Green]

6. Well.....

"When it comes to perpetuating it, however, I got no advice. But I can and will remind you of two of the most important facts I know:
(1) Everything is part of it.
(2) It's never too late to have a happy childhood."

-Tom Robbins
'Still Life With Woodpecker'

[khashka]

9. I read that this morning

and it's so true :)

Khash.

[Webster Green]

16. You just encouraged me to read it.....yet again.....it's been awhile

Thanks! :P

[punpirate]

8. Just smile...

... and walk away. Life's too short to get a case of the bitter uglies over a lost love.

It's a big country, and lots of people in it. Stay open to them, and it will all work out.

I can't give a lot of advice, except to say that you can't make love stay. It just doesn't work that way.

Cheers, and cheer up. :) It's not the end of the world, unless Bush says it is. :)

[Ready4Change]

12. Love snuck up and bashed me over the head.

It didn't ask my permission.

Wham! "You're in love now." it said.

"Huh?" said I, "I am? With who?"

"Her."

"Her? Cool. What do I need to do, Love?"

"Don't ask questions."

"Wha... but what if she's mean to..."

"I said, don't ask questions. You're in love, you dope."

"But I need to think this over, wonder if..."

"No you don't. You're in love. It's not a rational thing. Either you are, or you aren't. Are you? Are you in love with her?"

"Hmmm, well, ya, seems I am."

"Well, there ya go."

But I can't help it. I keep wondering how. Why. You know what? I get no answers. I just am. She seems to be too, which is a blessing.

It's an odd thing, really. One day, we weren't in love. Totally separate people, totally separate lives. We knew each other, were friends, but in love? Naw.

Then, wham, we were. Just instantly in lockstep with each other. There is no arguing with whatever this is that binds us. I, being the rational sort I am, have tried to delve out it's mysteries, but it's a blank wall. Nothing there to see, except the fact of my love for her and, apparently, hers for me. (Have I mentioned the blessing of that? I have? Good.)

People have asked us how we get along so. We've no answer. We just do, we just ARE. It's not like we are now one person, somehow merged to a single brain. We are definitely two separate individuals. But we, our lives, are together like woven cloth, like the parts sewn together to form a glove, like the fingers of two hands meshed together while walking.

Ever wonder how the sun sets behind the mountains, just so, at the end of the day? Ever find a satisfactory answer? No? Think that'll stop the sun from setting, just so, tomorrow evening? I don't think so either.

I don't know how to make love stay. I don't know how it got here in the first place.

I suspect anyone who THINKS they know how this stuff works is kidding themselves. They may know how they got laid. They may know how they got a date. But LOVE? No one knows how that works. It just does, or it doesn't.

For me, now, it does. It's a blessing.

I hear you say it's stopped for you. Sorry to hear that. But watch out. I've also heard loves got a new pair of really quiet shoes, and a new bashing hammer it's dying to try out...

[Crazy Guggenheim]

13. Maybe this will cheer you up!!

[Floogeldy]

15. Try to define your goals in terms of having sex, and a good time.

Think "Dean Martin."

:)

[CaliforniaPeggy]

18. My dear Khash....

How I wish I could help you, tell you something meaningful...

But tonight I can't...

I'm struggling to deal with a personal problem of my own....

Well, one thing does come to mind about how to make love stay...

You need to have mutual respect...and also remember that when you love someone, it is a decision...

I read those long ago in the book "The Art of Loving" by Erich Fromm...full of wonderful ideas...

The book was given to me by a boyfriend at the time...and this book enabled me to love my next boyfriend, who is now my husband...

This is all I have...I hope it helps you...

:hug: