Am I being unreasonable?

[NeoConsSuck]

Got a call from an out of town friend, who has two weeks sober but is a cronic relapser. He & his wife want to move about 30 miles from where I live. He wants to spend a few days at my house so he can check out houses, and he wants to use my car for those three days to drive to the houses (he's flying in).

I'm deathly afraid if he has a relapse and crashes and hurts someone with my car, I'm going to get sued big time and maybe lose everything.

Am I out of line to tell him he needs to rent a car? I don't mind him staying at my place, but I am concerned about the car situation. When he relapses, he relapses big time.

[Crazy Guggenheim]

1. Don't let 'em.

[NeoConsSuck]

3. Thanks Crazy (no msg)

[youthere]

2. you're NOT being unreasonable.

You're doing the right thing. Good on ya'.

[Reverend_Smitty]

tell him you need the car for yourself

and it would be too much of an inconvenience to you if he borrowed it, so he should probably get a rental. Hell I wouldn't let anyone outside of my immediate family use my car...drunk driver or not

[NeoConsSuck]

7. I have two cars..

but with everyone's input so far, I'll have no problem telling him to a rent a car.

Thanks everyone!

[Reverend_Smitty]

11. tell him its nothing personal

but you just don't feel comfortable with non family driving your cars such distances. 30 miles away is a lot further away than the local 7-11. Plus he'll already be at the airport so getting a car shouldn't be a problem, and hey you are being a good friend just for letting him crash at your pad

[bigwillq]

4. Tell him to rent a car.

I would tell him that no matter if he was a recovering alcoholic or not.

[XanaDUer]

5. No. I wouldn't loan it.

Imagine the legal nightmare if he drinks and crashes it and hurts/kills someone.

[NeoConsSuck]

10. Tell me about it..

for those three days, I wouldn't even be able to concentrate at work. I'd be afraid if my office phone rang and I heard, "Sir, there was an accident with your car. Alcohol was involved, and there are injuries/fatalities.

I'm getting too old for this BS. Living under 8 years of B*sh is enough.

[joneschick]

6. check with your insurance agent as to your actual

liability, and then tell your friend whatever you like. My inclination would be NO. Schedule your car for repairs for those days.......

[rbnyc]

8. You are the opposite of unreasonable.

If your friend doesn't understand, then he needs to grow up.

I can't stand it when friends ask you to put yourself in a bad position. I don't mind when people ask me for help. I don't mind sharing what I have. But there is no reason to take such a huge risk--there are alternatives.

I have never driven a car and I have found work in every city, town, village, clump of dirt I have ever lived.

[I Have A Dream]

9. You're not being unreasonable.

He's lucky that you're willing to allow him to stay at your house. I'd be honest and tell him that you sincerely hope that he's able to continue to stay sober but you can't risk history repeating itself.

You don't owe him anything. You're being a kind soul to allow him to stay at your house.

[pitohui]

12. no you are correct

he definitely needs to rent his own car

my auto insurance wouldn't even permit him to live at my address

[Heddi]

13. No. Effing. Way

#1 you're right--if you let him use your car, and he gets in an accident, YOU--YOU--YOU are responsible. I've watched enough damn Judge Judy to know that you assume all liability and responsibility when you let a licensed driver use your car

#2 If that person got in an accident and they were intoxicated AND it was found (through discovery) that you KNEW this person was an addict (which you do) and you KNEW that they relapse often (which you do) that fact ALONE would severely fuck you because you knew this person had a history of not being safe and still allowed him to use your car

#3 Even if he doesn't get in an accident, but gets caught speeding, or whatever, and is found to be intoxicated, there is a chance that YOUR car will be impounded and YOU will have to pay to get it out.

#4 This guy is a co-dependent, it seems. Make him rent his own frigging car so that way HE is responsible for any and all problems he causes while behind the wheel.

Also, realize that if you let him use the car AND stay at your house this time, God knows WHAT he'll hit you up for either once he gets there to visit, or even worse, once he's in your vacinity permanently.

Don't 'enable' him in any way. Make him take responsibility for his decisions.

Do you have kids? Are you comfortable with this person even staying at your house knowing he may relapse at any time? If not, be up front and tell him as much as you'd love to have him, you don't have the time/space/beds whatever and perhaps it would be better if he could get a hotel closer to the town he's scoping out and save yourself ALOT of trouble down the road

[bliss_eternal]

14. You are not being unreasonable.

You are not out of line telling him he needs to rent a car.

He may not like hearing it this way, but he hasn't really earned your trust enough yet to be able to borrow your car.

Also, this is all stuff he wants (and needs) to do. Not ultimately your responsibility. It's his. He needs to figure out how to fill in the gaps in his plan, and not expect friends to enable him.

Sorry if this sounds cold. Just based on my own prior experience w/addicts and recovering addicts.

Hope this helps!
:hi: