Humorous McDonald's application

[bif]

(This is not a real job application it's an Urban Legend, I know. But it's pretty funny...)


NAME: Greg Bulmash



DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not
possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CONVICTED OF A FELONY?: Is "felony" sex with a cat? Because if it is . . . no.

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers
Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.



WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who
thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you
to prove otherwise.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.]

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

[Zuni]

1. LOL

If I was a boss, I would hire a guy who had the balls and the wit to write this.

[HEyHEY]

2. years ago

I filled out a starbucks application with answers like that.

THe one i really remember

Q: What do you like about coffee
A: It's like tea...only less british.

No I didn't get the job

[Jeff in Cincinnati]

4. Applying for graduate school

They asked why I thought I would be a good professor of English, I wrote that I "don't really know a lot about literature, but I know all the words to 'Mack the Knife' and can actually explain the Infield Fly Rule."

The dumb bastards actually hired me!

[MissMillie]

3. When my brother was a teenager applying for work

He filled in his application to McDonalds and everytime he had to write "M" he drew golden arches.

[bif]

5. Not to far off from my original resume

When I was trying to break into advertising I included two resumes. One was a straght one and the second one was a total tongue-in-cheek, smart-ass resume. I got tons of great feedback and eventually got a job out of it.