|
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
8:00 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
9:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
9:40 AM - OH BOY! A WALK! MY FAVORITE!
10:30 AM - OH BOY! A CAR RIDE! MY FAVORITE!
11:30 AM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
12:00 noon - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
1:00 PM - OH BOY! THE YARD! MY FAVORITE!
1:30 PM - ooooooohhh --- Bath --- Bummer!
4:00 PM - OH BOY! THE KIDS! MY FAVORITE!
5:00 PM - OH BOY! DOG FOOD! MY FAVORITE!
5:30 PM - OH BOY! MOM! MY FAVORITE!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
Monday, May 12th - This is day 752 of my captivity. My
captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling
objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am
forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me
going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture,
intermixed with an occasional tormenting of the dog.
Tomorrow, I may eat another house plant.
Wednesday, May 21st - Today my attempt to kill my captors
by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost
succeeded, although I must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile
oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their
favorite chair ... must try this on their bed...perhaps the pillows.
Saturday, May 24th - Decapitated a mouse and brought them
the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what
I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only
cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ---
hmmm --- not working according to plan. I may just bring the head...
Tuesday, May 27th - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are.
For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture.
This time however it included a burning foamy chemical
called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid?
My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Friday, May 30th - There was some sort of gathering of
their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the
event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul
odor of the glass tubes they call "beer...". More importantly,
I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies."
Must learn what this is, and how to use it to my advantage.
Thursday, June 3rd - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies
and, perhaps, snitches. The dog is routinely released, and seems
more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the
other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly.
I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in
the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait; it is only a
matter of time...
(from the Internet)
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(186 posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
